Parents Self-Selecting Daughters with IVF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll admit it. I wanted a girl and would have had some initial disappointment about a boy. I just felt I’d be better at mothering a girl. Luckily I did have a girl. A crazy active one however!! I would not resort to IVF to pick a girl tho, but I get it.

I felt the same prior to getting pregnant! Just more anxious about knowing what to do with a boy. (I’m fairness I’m also lesbian so it’s not like a have a male partner to defer to although my partner was less scared of parenting a boy interestingly.) We ended up with one of each, without gender selection since luckily IUIs worked for us, and I haven’t found parenting them that different because of sex so far — they both like trucks and climbing things and flowers and glitter. I expect it’ll get more complicated by the time they hit middle school but frankly that’s when everything gets complicated so I doubt gender will the worst part.

My father was always very close with his mother so I’m not actually worried my boy will be less attentive as an adult child. I expect it will depend more on their personalities than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have enough time and money to do ivf, you can select on iq, height, personality, mental health, physical health already. Certainly not fully accurate, but if you have 10 embryos it’s easy to identify which two have the best health profile. You can add on average 4 years to your future child’s life by choosing the best health profile over the worst. Predictive genomics is getting more accurate every year. I have often wondered if my own teens will do this for their children.

I feel like people have a rosey view of IVF. I started the process at 36. Of two retrievals, 30+ eggs each retrieval we only got 1 euploid each time. There was no hundreds of embryos to decide between. So it's not like this concept is feasible for most people

Did you do IVF for fertility issues? It's a different ballgame when fully elective with no fertility conditions.

I have no issues with conceiving, no. I've conceived every single time I've tried which is 9 pregnancies now.

I have recurrent pregnancy loss. So I lose them later on. They told IVF would solve my issues. They were dead wrong.

That sucks, PP. I’m really sorry you had to go through/are going through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only boys and the idea of selecting females for the purpose of making the world a better place makes me laugh.

Not only would that go wrong but can you imagine those men? Talk about peacocks. They would be insufferable.

They would be superfluous. Just pay them to leave a deposit in a sperm bank. The rest can be done by women or robots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Toxic masculinity was specifically mentioned by all couples interviewed as to why they don't want boys. Why not try to raise a son to be kind, respectful, and emotionally available? Be the change you want to see in the world!

This is what I thought when I got pregnant. We need more women like me raising strong empathetic young men. Then God just gave me girls. Honestly, I was happy to have a baby after my miscarriages.

On the other hand - I do think there are many families (and women) who just want boys, so it probably all evens out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toxic masculinity was specifically mentioned by all couples interviewed as to why they don't want boys. Why not try to raise a son to be kind, respectful, and emotionally available? Be the change you want to see in the world!

Because what you propose is against their nature. The correct solution is less men.

No, the correct solution is better men. That requires them to be raised better. Every time I hear a parent say “boys will be boys” I actually hear “I’m perpetuating toxic masculinity by not offering correct parenting or discipline to my sons”. I see parents tolerate more unacceptable (toxic) behaviors from boys an punish girls for those same behaviors all the time. Just go to a playground and observe. It’s everywhere.

[Anonymous]

As a single mom by choice, l selected a daughter. It is a miracle and a privilege to be able to do this.

I remember growing up in the 80s when people still thought IVF itself was "playing god." Always from people who did not have any issues conceiving. This was a time when adopting was becoming more difficult.

[Anonymous]

As a mother of only girls, I am concerned about them finding worthy men to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother of only girls, I am concerned about them finding worthy men to marry.

Raise them to be lesbians. They will live happier lives this way.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys and had hoped I would have only boys. I had a tough relationship with my mom and as teen and then lost her to cancer in my early 20s. It's probably not rationale but was afraid the same would happen to me if I had girls.

Anyway, my boys are (so far) kind and caring. They help around the house and have lots of empathy. I have tried to raise them that way. Hopefully it sticks. I think girls traditionally take care of their parents because that is what society has them do. Teach boys the social and emotional skills to do traditional girl tasks and they will do them.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many in this thread oppose eugenics?

[Anonymous]

If IVF is used to select male offspring, this is highly problematic. We already have too many males and too much toxic masculinity. Plus, it leads to horrible results; just look at all the infanticide going on in China and India.

But I see no problem if it’s used to select daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys and had hoped I would have only boys. I had a tough relationship with my mom and as teen and then lost her to cancer in my early 20s. It's probably not rationale but was afraid the same would happen to me if I had girls.

Anyway, my boys are (so far) kind and caring. They help around the house and have lots of empathy. I have tried to raise them that way. Hopefully it sticks. I think girls traditionally take care of their parents because that is what society has them do. Teach boys the social and emotional skills to do traditional girl tasks and they will do them.

I know you’d like to think this because it means you have a decent chance your sons will stick around and take care of you just like daughters.

But most women who have had children have lived with a man post childbirth and seen the utter incompetence and inability to care for someone else.

Yes, they can do something when asked but most men are missing the ability to think of someone else first and not prioritize their own comfort. Just like every mom I know has had their husband complain about the comfort of the chair in the hospital delivery room. No woman would go to the childbirth of another woman and complain about their own comfort.

Men tend to look out for #1. It’s not their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys are ick. Girls are better and more loving.

Are you a girl married to a girl?

Hopefully they are women lol

[Anonymous]

From the article: “IVF can seem “safer” than conceiving via intercourse because it’s monitored by scientists.”

As someone who had to do IVF out of necessity, I find this way of thinking mind blowing. Going through IVF showed me how ad hoc and imperfect the process is. They are guessing on a lot of things like what dose you should take and what your cycle will be.

I’m against over regulation and I don’t think sex selection should be banned, but I don’t understand the desire to take all chance out of the equation. It makes life beautiful and worth living.

[Anonymous]

Fewer, not less. Countable noun.