How to politely shut down super-privileged boomer parents' complaints?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you spend time with these people? Are you hoping for an inheritance?

OP here: Partly, yes, and you can judge all you want, but we will likely end up with a life-changing amount of money from them in roughly two decades, one that would allow us to be generous with family/friends/community in ways they are not and we can't afford to be. Out of the three siblings, I'm the only one who has put meaningful effort into building a great relationship with my stepmother.

The non-monetary part is that spouse and I barely have family to speak of - spouse has some who went headfirst down the right wing conspiracy rabbit hole and some who are kind of loony and not involved; my siblings are deeply self-absorbed and our relationships are very one-sided; my mother passed away. My parents suck in many ways, but they like our kids, babysit for a couple hours once in a blue moon, and I'm hoping that as our kids get older my parents can be somewhat supportive bonus adults in their lives, particularly my stepmother, who can exhibit surprising moments of thoughtfulness and caring



.

Never expect money from anyone. If you need more money, make more money. My family is wealthy and my dad keeps telling me everything is mine. I count on them living forever in a fantastic assisted living facility that drains all their money. It's their money, not mine until it's in my bank account.

If he is wealthy there will be money left over even after assisted living or nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo you’re holding on bc you might get a windfall. But then you’re complaining about the person you might get rich off of. Fascinating.

Methinks OP won’t be blowing a gasket as long as there is a chance for an inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you spend time with these people? Are you hoping for an inheritance?

OP here: Partly, yes, and you can judge all you want, but we will likely end up with a life-changing amount of money from them in roughly two decades, one that would allow us to be generous with family/friends/community in ways they are not and we can't afford to be. Out of the three siblings, I'm the only one who has put meaningful effort into building a great relationship with my stepmother.

The non-monetary part is that spouse and I barely have family to speak of - spouse has some who went headfirst down the right wing conspiracy rabbit hole and some who are kind of loony and not involved; my siblings are deeply self-absorbed and our relationships are very one-sided; my mother passed away. My parents suck in many ways, but they like our kids, babysit for a couple hours once in a blue moon, and I'm hoping that as our kids get older my parents can be somewhat supportive bonus adults in their lives, particularly my stepmother, who can exhibit surprising moments of thoughtfulness and caring

There is never enough money when someone is a shopaholic who is trying to impress other people. You will watch her blow through the entire estate by the time she dies, gritting your teeth but hoping there will be something left for you. You and your siblings will get nothing but your siblings will not have made the personal investment you have.


.

Never expect money from anyone. If you need more money, make more money. My family is wealthy and my dad keeps telling me everything is mine. I count on them living forever in a fantastic assisted living facility that drains all their money. It's their money, not mine until it's in my bank account.

If he is wealthy there will be money left over even after assisted living or nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you'll even end up with an inheritance? I find it weird they'd leave you a ton of money but not help when they know you're struggling.

+1 Why would they leave you and your children anything if they have given you nothing so far? Zebras don't change their stripes.

Agree. Dear old Dad has been disappointing OP her entire life. She thinks he's going to make up for it at the very end? Doubtful.

Ugh, poor OP. But PP’s are right. Your dad is an *sshole and a narcissist. I cannot stand when people complain about home renovation projects and travel problems to company that is barely holding it together.

You need to invest in your own family, and start building your own nest egg.

[Anonymous]

I would find it amusing. Nice to deal with problems that aren't real problems. Yes it's annoying but it's not really a problem so you don't have to be invested in it beyond conversation. Leave feeling glad all that was asked of you was to listen and offer condolence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a bratty disrespectful jealous millennial. All liberals hate what they can't have.
I agree, SUCK IT UP.

You want them to spend their wealth on you. Sorry, y'all are adults, build your own wealth. If you can't relate to each other's problems and be empathetic then just don't meet as often. Don't be jealous of other people's fortune and expect freebies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your step mom will likely outlive your dad and you will get nothing anyway. If you don't like them, stop seeing them. Otherwise acknowledge that you're selling your soul in the hopes of a pay off. It has nothing to do with "Boomers" a lot of them don't have a pot to pee in.

This. I bet she's younger right? Does she have her own kids? You aren't gonna see a dime if your Dad goes first.

Somewhat younger, no kids, has told me multiple times after a few too many drinks that I am like the child she never had. Again, we have an overall good relationship, I don't think she's a bad person, and we get along well.

You seem to want to set yourself as their potential heiress and don't want the to waste "your" money.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never been more bored by a post in my life.

[Anonymous]

My dad left everything to his wife. Except the house, which was brand new! And had a huge mortgage! And that his wife was living in. He left that to my brother and me, inexplicably. (Although not entirely inexplicable because his wife later told me that she didn’t want the big house) So we had to deal with moving her out, cleaning out the house, selling the house, etc, and we each got $40k in the end. Which is of course a lot of money! But it’s not millions.

[Anonymous]

Rich people are not like us, that is all I know. Their lives and insanity and complete detachment from real life problems is the proof of how deranged most of them are.
I would plain tell dad, if I were you, that he sounds thoughtless and like a completely insane douche bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich people are not like us, that is all I know. Their lives and insanity and complete detachment from real life problems is the proof of how deranged most of them are.
I would plain tell dad, if I were you, that he sounds thoughtless and like a completely insane douche bag.

And lose any chance, however infinitesmal, of getting an inheritance? Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never been more bored by a post in my life.

Stick around.

[Anonymous]

Way too many words.

1) You ARE mad they aren't sharing the wealth. You clearly resent it and feel entitled to it. It comes through your OP loud and clear.
2) There's no need to "shut down" their parents. Just grey rock and be non-committal. You sound like you want some Springer-style confrontation. Don't do that.

[Anonymous]

This is so terrible and I’m really sorry. Do you not feel like you can be honest and say it’s hard to relate to this? Do they not know about the hardships you’ve gone through? As an outsider it doesn’t sound like they’re planning to actually leave you any money but if you want them in your life you’re gonna have to go zen and detach youself during those convos. Same as when anyone talks to an out of touch, uncaring person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you spend time with these people? Are you hoping for an inheritance?

OP here: Partly, yes, and you can judge all you want, but we will likely end up with a life-changing amount of money from them in roughly two decades, one that would allow us to be generous with family/friends/community in ways they are not and we can't afford to be. Out of the three siblings, I'm the only one who has put meaningful effort into building a great relationship with my stepmother.

The non-monetary part is that spouse and I barely have family to speak of - spouse has some who went headfirst down the right wing conspiracy rabbit hole and some who are kind of loony and not involved; my siblings are deeply self-absorbed and our relationships are very one-sided; my mother passed away. My parents suck in many ways, but they like our kids, babysit for a couple hours once in a blue moon, and I'm hoping that as our kids get older my parents can be somewhat supportive bonus adults in their lives, particularly my stepmother, who can exhibit surprising moments of thoughtfulness and caring.

They may not leave the money to you...Don't spend time with them if it irritates you so much. Problem solved.