How do y’all afford kids ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were making a combined income of 140 when our kid was born. We rented - we lived in our one bedroom until our kid was 1.5, then moved into a two bedroom. People all over the world do not make as much as most people on DCUM make and somehow figure out how to make it work. Figure out what your priorities are.

I find it somewhat sad that people rather have objects that will just decompose and die versus having another person who will add joy to their lives. I don't think children are such a drain as everyone else makes it out to be. But I also come from a culture where people have lots of kids and very few possessions.

I think my kid has too many possessions. I stopped shopping at Target and other Big Box stores and we save so much money. I also met other moms and we shared possessions. Having a family is not about money, but more about every. It took me a very long time to understand the value of a family over work, new house, clothes etc. I would much rather have a family.

I agree. If I had waited til I had whatever arbitrary rich person sh t in place that dcum thinks people should have I would not be a mom.

[Anonymous]

People stress about this at almost any income - if that’s any comfort. It’s all about lifestyle choices and there will always be people with more or less.

If you can afford a safe, loving home for your child and access to a decent education, I would have a child. If you want to be a parent, it’s the best thing you’ll ever do (and also the most challenging!)

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. Our family has helped financially and with childcare. Otherwise we would struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid on 100K per year as a single Mom. I made it work just fine in my tiny apartment.

I don't find my kid to be expensive, especially after child care was no longer an issue. I am also a solo/single parent. It is even easier when I share expenses with friends, her dad and other co parenting communities.

Biggest expenses by age
0-3 (if you live in DC) Childcare is by far very, very expensive. I went to a low income daycare and paid $900/month. Diapers, bottles if you don't breast feed, medical expenses if you don't have insurance, fun mom/baby events and shopping. I hired a nanny, as needed. Saving for college is ongoing.

3-5 (If you live in DC) Free pre-school. Most of the preschools are great. Toys, clothes if you don't want hand-me downs, Children's museums, vacations, and dietary preferences. Nanny or cleaners for sanity.

5-8- Kids want electronics. I only purchased used or refurbished electronics from Walmart. Tablets cost $60, used cell phones $100, gaming $200. The kids should not abuse or break their electronics or else they won't get another. Nanny or as needed childcare is still necessary. Private schools in DC are extremely expensive. Budget for this if you want to go down this path.

9-12-Preteen social development- Sports, academic activities, clothes, specialized interests like robotics clubs, camps, high quality shoes, groceries, unexpected expenses such as injuries, staying home from work, loss of work time.

13-15- Social activities, sports, online services, college/career prep!

15-18- Cars, college prep, study abroad, personal preferences and school trips.

Overall, I have been able to save for retirement, live in a great location, drive a nice car and still enjoy parenting, even if I am single. The hardest part is loss of time. For the first 5 years, I could not travel, go to concerts, meet up with friends, exercise or do anything social. My entire world revolves around my kid. I still feel like I am neglecting my child and I make so many sacrifices.

They aren’t going to qualify for free daycare and probably not preschool either

[Anonymous]

We got married at 31, after we had both been well-established in our careers and were making good money.

He saved a ton as soon as he started working out of college. I didn't save but had family money.

We eloped.

We lived in a rented townhouse that we didn't love for six years while saving to build our dream house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

I think this is going to be a big reality check for you. My kids have made my life better in countless ways, but traveling with children is freaking hard and like 1/100th as fun as it was pre-kids. Most parents I know no longer go on vacations without extended family because it’s just not a vacation. And I don’t view a vacation with my MIL as a vacation either. And you can arrange for childcare so you and spouse go alone but a)it gets very complicated logistically and b) despite knowing how deserving you are a real vacation, 30% is spent reminding caregivers of schedules and missing them or feeling bad about not being with your kids/bringing them with.

TLDR: you will no doubt cut down on travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons of people have kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. You don't need a house to have kids. Kids don't need private school, horseback riding lessons, international trips, ski trips, surfing lessons, private tutoring, multiple pairs of sneakers, expensive clothes, etc.

I have a tiny one-bedroom apartment and have never broken six figures and raised a child to adulthood by myself in this apartment. I got her scholarships to attend camps, got hand-me-down clothes from friends with slightly older kids, and have taken her on exactly two vacations in her life. Despite that, she got into the same college as some kids with all the financial advantages.

Oh yes because the game/life ends at college s/. Smh

Those if us with means do those other things because we enjoy them and they enrich our lives. How sad for you and your kid that you think "getting into the same college" was the goal.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t going to qualify for free daycare and probably not preschool either

Preschool from 3-5 is free for everyone in DC, even the Uber wealthy. There are low income child care facilities in DC that don't require qualification, it just depends on if you want your kid to interact with kids from a different income or culture. from ages 0-3.

[Anonymous]

By both working in tech and receiving RSUs. Without RSUs, we would not own a house because we would never have been able to save enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

I think this is going to be a big reality check for you. My kids have made my life better in countless ways, but traveling with children is freaking hard and like 1/100th as fun as it was pre-kids. Most parents I know no longer go on vacations without extended family because it’s just not a vacation. And I don’t view a vacation with my MIL as a vacation either. And you can arrange for childcare so you and spouse go alone but a)it gets very complicated logistically and b) despite knowing how deserving you are a real vacation, 30% is spent reminding caregivers of schedules and missing them or feeling bad about not being with your kids/bringing them with.

TLDR: you will no doubt cut down on travel.

I think this is relative. I agree that travel with kids is very different, but we have continued to travel even with small kids and I would say our travel budget has only increased because we feel like we need more to make it comfortable (nonstop flights, a suite, etc.). I know many people do cut travel but many people don't want to and don't.

[Anonymous]

Neither of us has ever made $100k and some years, a lot less. Could we afford to have kids? No! Have two anyway.
Expanded Medicaid in Maryland has, literally, a lifesaver. I know the taxes are tough on richer people, but I am thankful for the several layers of safety net where I live.

Our parents had kids before they had the financial resources that would have been prudent. A big thing for them was that they were confident (correctly as it turned out) that their finances would improve over time and they would be OK.
I listen to my nieces and nephews and they seem not so optimistic - they aren't having kids without a strong financial and relationship footing, which may mean never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

I think this is going to be a big reality check for you. My kids have made my life better in countless ways, but traveling with children is freaking hard and like 1/100th as fun as it was pre-kids. Most parents I know no longer go on vacations without extended family because it’s just not a vacation. And I don’t view a vacation with my MIL as a vacation either. And you can arrange for childcare so you and spouse go alone but a)it gets very complicated logistically and b) despite knowing how deserving you are a real vacation, 30% is spent reminding caregivers of schedules and missing them or feeling bad about not being with your kids/bringing them with.

TLDR: you will no doubt cut down on travel.

I think this is relative. I agree that travel with kids is very different, but we have continued to travel even with small kids and I would say our travel budget has only increased because we feel like we need more to make it comfortable (nonstop flights, a suite, etc.). I know many people do cut travel but many people don't want to and don't.

NP. Agree re higher costs with kids on trips. Still do it anyway because it’s something we like. We are also lucky that my mother can watch my son when we travel, so we still take at least 2 solo trips a year, albeit shorter than if we didn’t have him. Still worth it (and at least makes those trips a bit cheaper)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

People trying to save money don’t throw it away like this. Guests can stay in an Airbnb or hotel. Offices can be a desk in the corner of the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

A high-earning career + a FIRE mindset + geoarbitrage. Worked in Biglaw for many years in NYC/SF. Lived like a law student. Started out making $200k and spending $35k as a single person. Got married and we probably made $400k as a couple, spent $55k, and saved the remainder after taxes, say $175k. Made partner and got HH income up to $800k with spending still flat at $55k. We both quit working to take 1-2 year sabbaticals. We wanted to start a family since I was late 30s and she was early 30s, but didn't want to do it in SF.

Then we moved to SoCal where a house 3 miles from the ocean cost 1/3 of a house in the Bay. Started working again for just a few hours a day on average. Then had kids. By then we were pretty much financially independent. Probably could quit work if I wanted, but there's a bit of uncertainty about how much we will spend as the kids get older.