How do y’all afford kids ?

[Anonymous]

First, keep the wedding small. My brother and his wife had a courthouse ceremony with just immediate family followed by lunch at a beautiful restaurant and then we went back to my parents' home for cake and gifts. It was a lovely day and they were just as married as if they'd done the bigger wedding I did. Even at my big wedding I recall thinking at the rehearsal dinner that I'd have been happy if we just did the ceremony there with all the most important people.

2nd you can have a baby or two in a 2-bedroom apartment. At your ages, I wouldn't put that off too long. The biggest consideration is childcare but that is, fortunately, time-limited.

In this market, the buying-a-house part is really the hardest but not really necessary for a good life. If it is something really important to you, you might have to consider picking up and moving to a more affordable city (FWIW, my young adult nieces live in the Norfolk/Hampton Roads area and all own homes with generally working class jobs) or to an outer suburb and managing a long commute.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to look at your earning potential honestly and choose where to live accordingly. If you get sucked into wanting “the best” because you see what other people have, it’s not realistic and you will always feel lacking.
A wedding is the obvious place to save some money. You can honeymoon in Mexico or Costa Rico instead of the Maldives or Thailand. You can wear a $700 dress instead of a $7k one. You can have beer and wine instead of open bar with liquor.
You can raise a kid in an apartment - lots of people do. Including tons of rich people in NYC. Depending on moving costs and how much you can save, you can also consider sizing down to a 1 bedroom until your yet to be conceived child is 1-2 yrs old.
You don’t have to have a nanny or a big daycare center like Bright Horizons that costs $$$$. In NoVa at least, small in-home daycares are 2/3 the cost of a center.
For a while in elementary, your kid can have a full and interesting life with County Parks and Rec swim lessons, public library programs, rec league sports, and County or church-based day camps. The DC area is full of free or low cost things to do for outdoor activities and educational enrichment.
In this area there are also tons of fun, drivable family vacations to take without ever splurging on flights or a fancy hotel - you can AirB&B a condo in Ocean City for a long weekend or stay in the cabins in Shenandoah.
Finally most kid stuff can be acquired for cheap or free. I wanted new, best everything for my 1st kid and quickly realized that besides the car seat, used would have been just fine.

[Anonymous]

Our HHI wasn't that much higher than yours when we had our first (and only). We already owned a home though (bought before rates skyrocketd, but also toward the high end of the market). Our incomes have gone up a lot over the last three years since he was born due to several promotions. It still didn't feel like that much of a stretch even with the lower income. We spend a decent amount of money on travel but live pretty frugally otherwise.

Agree with other PPs - if you want kids just do it rather than waiting around till you feel more financially ready. People raise whole big families on significantly lower incomes that yours.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people do have family help. Maybe not financial help per se, but mom might help with occasional childcare, dad helps with DIY home repairs, someone in the family might know of a job that is more flexible or makes more money, entertainment with family is cheap or free, etc.

It’s very different than being a transplant who is completely solo and has to pay for every minute of childcare, every meal outside your home, etc.

[Anonymous]

You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

We were making a combined income of 140 when our kid was born. We rented - we lived in our one bedroom until our kid was 1.5, then moved into a two bedroom. People all over the world do not make as much as most people on DCUM make and somehow figure out how to make it work. Figure out what your priorities are.

[Anonymous]

People muddle through. Just have one kid. You can make it work.

[Anonymous]

We bought houses before we procreated. We bought stocks. The kids were born after age 35 so that was a risk. It's all a huge risk - to delay or not delay. Just roll the dice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid on 100K per year as a single Mom. I made it work just fine in my tiny apartment.

I don't find my kid to be expensive, especially after child care was no longer an issue. I am also a solo/single parent. It is even easier when I share expenses with friends, her dad and other co parenting communities.

Biggest expenses by age
0-3 (if you live in DC) Childcare is by far very, very expensive. I went to a low income daycare and paid $900/month. Diapers, bottles if you don't breast feed, medical expenses if you don't have insurance, fun mom/baby events and shopping. I hired a nanny, as needed. Saving for college is ongoing.

3-5 (If you live in DC) Free pre-school. Most of the preschools are great. Toys, clothes if you don't want hand-me downs, Children's museums, vacations, and dietary preferences. Nanny or cleaners for sanity.

5-8- Kids want electronics. I only purchased used or refurbished electronics from Walmart. Tablets cost $60, used cell phones $100, gaming $200. The kids should not abuse or break their electronics or else they won't get another. Nanny or as needed childcare is still necessary. Private schools in DC are extremely expensive. Budget for this if you want to go down this path.

9-12-Preteen social development- Sports, academic activities, clothes, specialized interests like robotics clubs, camps, high quality shoes, groceries, unexpected expenses such as injuries, staying home from work, loss of work time.

13-15- Social activities, sports, online services, college/career prep!

15-18- Cars, college prep, study abroad, personal preferences and school trips.

Overall, I have been able to save for retirement, live in a great location, drive a nice car and still enjoy parenting, even if I am single. The hardest part is loss of time. For the first 5 years, I could not travel, go to concerts, meet up with friends, exercise or do anything social. My entire world revolves around my kid. I still feel like I am neglecting my child and I make so many sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were making a combined income of 140 when our kid was born. We rented - we lived in our one bedroom until our kid was 1.5, then moved into a two bedroom. People all over the world do not make as much as most people on DCUM make and somehow figure out how to make it work. Figure out what your priorities are.

I find it somewhat sad that people rather have objects that will just decompose and die versus having another person who will add joy to their lives. I don't think children are such a drain as everyone else makes it out to be. But I also come from a culture where people have lots of kids and very few possessions.

I think my kid has too many possessions. I stopped shopping at Target and other Big Box stores and we save so much money. I also met other moms and we shared possessions. Having a family is not about money, but more about every. It took me a very long time to understand the value of a family over work, new house, clothes etc. I would much rather have a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

“Need” is a word used too liberally.
They don’t “need” a two-bedroom place. They wanted one. Most people have a laptop and a sofa.
A second workspace designated are isn’t a need for someone who is trying to save/invest for a greater need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were making a combined income of 140 when our kid was born. We rented - we lived in our one bedroom until our kid was 1.5, then moved into a two bedroom. People all over the world do not make as much as most people on DCUM make and somehow figure out how to make it work. Figure out what your priorities are.

I find it somewhat sad that people rather have objects that will just decompose and die versus having another person who will add joy to their lives. I don't think children are such a drain as everyone else makes it out to be. But I also come from a culture where people have lots of kids and very few possessions.

I think my kid has too many possessions. I stopped shopping at Target and other Big Box stores and we save so much money. I also met other moms and we shared possessions. Having a family is not about money, but more about every. It took me a very long time to understand the value of a family over work, new house, clothes etc. I would much rather have a family.

And if you had a special needs child? Or a child with a medical condition that will need care for many years? Your post is disingenuous at best. Shit happens childbirth is not without risks, period.

Raising a child right now is so hard. Housing alone is absurdly high for a young family. While Day Care costs are for a fixed number of years many women work meaning extended care and nanny costs.

Have a kid don't have a kid but know what all the risks and rewards are. Rewards are not always my kid doesn't grow up to be schizophrenic or borderline personality disorder and now I have no money for treatment.

I am guessing you did not grow up poor like I did. Dirt poor, no food on the table poor, criminals as parents poor.

I love my kids to the moon and back but too many people think having kids is a walk in the park it is not nor is it cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

“Need” is a word used too liberally.
They don’t “need” a two-bedroom place. They wanted one. Most people have a laptop and a sofa.
A second workspace designated are isn’t a need for someone who is trying to save/invest for a greater need.

During covid we lived in a two bedroom with one kid - my workspace was a corner of our bedroom. It was fine.