How do y’all afford kids ?
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Anonymous
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I can’t believe I’m poor with my 100k salary…but that’s how it feels.
My fiancé and I make 170k combined. Surely. That’s enough! But we live in a two bedroom apartment and don’t know when we will be able to buy a house. And thinking about the expenses of kids is absolutely overwhelming. I’ve wanted to set a timeline since we got engaged a few months ago, but we just have not been able to figure out how to get the money for a family and our future . Did you all get a ton of money from your parents ? I truly do not know how you all do it. I want kids, a house, and a wedding but any one of those things works drain my savings immensely. I’m 30 and my partner is also mid thirties, so it’s disheartening that we are this stressed, with good jobs and advanced degrees. |
Anonymous
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Most of us who want kids and have a stable relationship have kids and figure it out. I would never waste my precious years of fertile trying to solve a problem that probably won’t even be an issue given that you make more than most people in America.
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Anonymous
| On $270k easily. |
Anonymous
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We had a modest wedding.
We own a condo and are still saving towards a house. We have just one child. It wasn't my dream but it's what we can afford and we make the best of it. |
Anonymous
| Hey this issue is really hard! Good for you for trying to think ahead. Kids can be insanely expensive but are worth it. We have just one and it sure makes things easier - travel, smaller house need, smaller car ok, etc but obviously people much less well off than us have tons of kids. I’d say the biggest gauntlet to having kids is childcare until free prek. If you can get through that you’ll figure out the rest. Get on the daycare waitlists early - potentially even before have a kid (the worst!). Or do a nanny share. |
Anonymous
| I have a salary of $120k, and am single parent by choice of a 4yo and a 2yo. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, don’t own a car, and I’m pretty frugal about everything except rent and daycare. So I only have one out of your three wishes: kids, but no wedding or house. I’ve been saving up since I had my kids and I’m planning to move to an area where I can also buy a nice single family home with a proper yard. Are you tied to this area professionally or emotionally? I was planning to be gone last year but ran into the issue of not being able to find daycare spots; if you think you’ll want to move when your kids are under 5, I would highly recommend doing it first! |
Anonymous
| Pp here I meant to add - get friends who will talk about the costs with you and how this country’s lack of social safety net and lack of support for moms sucks!!! |
Anonymous
| You make it work, your lifestyle adjusts. I was stressed about it too so understand the sentiment but it does just work. You also have to realize that 170k after the past three years of inflation is just not as much as you feel like it should be. It doesn’t get you the big house in the suburbs or a wedding of 150 people. Everyone is adjusting (or will be) to a much lower standard of living. |
Anonymous
| I had a kid on 100K per year as a single Mom. I made it work just fine in my tiny apartment. |
Anonymous
I'm 39 now and spending $$$$ on infertility treatments (I was infertile by age 35) so I would not delay. One round of IVF is 30K+. |
Anonymous
It works out! Go for it! |
Anonymous
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I had kids in my 20s in grad school while we were living in a one-bedroom rental and had no car. When DC1 was born 18 years ago we were making a joint total of 60K. I am so glad I've had this time with my kids and I don't regret it for one single second. We still live a frugal life in a small house and old cars, but we can afford any college for all our kids, and our retirement is taken care of. We don't need more.
This question comes up regularly on here. Right now, there's a thread written by someone in her late 30s who was persuaded by her husband to wait to have kids until they had a house, more income, etc, and who then had infertility issues, and now her father's dead and she's depressed, her husband just told her he didn't think they should have kids. There will never be a perfect time. You don't need what you think you need. Most people in the world will never be as rich as you, and have kids anyway. DCUM is its own weird "money first, kids later" bubble. And the money they talk about has nothing to do with the working class, or even sometimes the middle class. In the end, people's innermost desires speak for themselves in the actions they take. Those who really want kids have the kids as early as humanely possible. Those who are on the fence rationalize it by thinking about money and waiting for more. There is no right answer, only what feels right to you. Hopefully it's also what feels right to your spouse. But I'm here to tell you that infertility may dog you when you're older, IVF doesn't always work, and it's best to be a young and fit parent if you can. You don't need a house right away, and you don't need a big fancy wedding either. |
Anonymous
| We had our first on $140k 15 years ago but I wasn’t working. The mortgage on our 3br townhome was $1700/month and we drove 2 old cars and didn’t spend much at all on entertainment or travel. |
Anonymous
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Tons of people have kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. You don't need a house to have kids. Kids don't need private school, horseback riding lessons, international trips, ski trips, surfing lessons, private tutoring, multiple pairs of sneakers, expensive clothes, etc.
I have a tiny one-bedroom apartment and have never broken six figures and raised a child to adulthood by myself in this apartment. I got her scholarships to attend camps, got hand-me-down clothes from friends with slightly older kids, and have taken her on exactly two vacations in her life. Despite that, she got into the same college as some kids with all the financial advantages. |
Anonymous
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Also depending on your field, kids may be a motivation to make a higher income (esp for men). When we decided to have kids, we made about 105k and lived in a 2 bed apartment that was 1800. We found a home daycare that was about 1800k a month (note I’m in the chicago area). Within a couple years, our household income grew to 240k and we moved to a starter home that we just sold and brought our forever home. Part of it is that kids motivated us to take risks and make more money.
I think the biggest advice I would give is not to have too extravagant of a wedding if you can help it. Would stink to be in debt for just one day. |