How do y’all afford kids ?

[Anonymous]

Also….ya’ll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

I posted earlier about my finances but I will say now — I was in a similar social place when I started having kids. None of my friends had them and most of them didn’t want them ever. My oldest is in elementary and I now have mom friends! My advice is to share to take your kids to the playground or the library or both as soon as they’re mobile and ask to exchange contact info with any parent who you have any kind of vaguely pleasant interaction with. You’ll get a bunch of false starts but eventually you’ll make new friends who want to exchange tips about potty training (as well as all your old friends who you already know you like).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

OP, there are seasons in life. We had our kids while living in an apartment and paying a lot for childcare with no local family. Yes, it was the opposite of wealth building - kids are little wealth suckers. But which do you want more, kids or uninterrupted wealth building? Which could you live without? I knew I could live with a lesser career or house, but I'd always regret it if I waited too long for kids and had serious fertility issues, so that made choices easier.

I think travel is also something that is tougher when the kids are very little, and it's ok to be less ambitious and spend less on huge long distance trips while you're paying for day care and structuring your life around nap schedules. But that's only a few years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

People trying to save money don’t throw it away like this. Guests can stay in an Airbnb or hotel. Offices can be a desk in the corner of the bedroom.

As a remote worker who lives in a 2 bedroom house with kids (no home office, no guest room), I agree with this. If you do the math on renting your guests a hotel or Airbnb when they visit, I bet it'll be MUCH cheaper than paying hundreds or thousands more every month for a larger home.

[Anonymous]

Eloped. Bought in an exurb modest house but great schools. Three kids. Eat at home mostly. It’s pretty smooth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

People trying to save money don’t throw it away like this. Guests can stay in an Airbnb or hotel. Offices can be a desk in the corner of the bedroom.

+1
Everyone understands why it’s nice to have an office space/guest room. But its not a must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of wants that take money, but no wants that make you or save you money. Wedding in so last century and no a must.
You did not need a 2-bedroom without kids. 1-bedroom would have been cheaper. Don't save. Invest to keep up with all this money-printing. You both could have also worked second jobs to save up for the kid years.
You are already living larger than you should.
You can have a baby in 1-bedroom. The baby cannot tell the difference and you have no time for house/yard upkeep.
So, downgrade, invest the difference, enjoy the kid and then see if few years where to live and send the kid to school.

+1
why did you rent 2 bedroom?

I'm not OP but a lot of people need home office space now. Or a guest room. I guess having people stay over is too extravagant for DCUM.

People trying to save money don’t throw it away like this. Guests can stay in an Airbnb or hotel. Offices can be a desk in the corner of the bedroom.

My kids have queen beds and they have to share a room when we have guests. That’s what I had to do as a kid.

[Anonymous]

When my son was born we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and made maybe $150K combined. Childcare was the hardest cost. We cut back on retirement contributions at first, to make the daycare payments. But very quickly things got eaiser. Both of us got raises. We eventually bought a house. And after day care ends, raising a family isn't that much money.

Due to other circumstances we only had one child, and I can see now the $ savings. My son is 9 and we are very comfortable. If we'd had another, and added on more years of child care, it would have been fine but we wouldn't have as much in savings as we do now.

Our hhi is now about $300K. And child care costs are not a huge concern. We've made up for the dip in savings from the first few years. As long as you are employed and not in debt, dont make having kids about money. It works out.

[Anonymous]

My kids are teens, and I don’t know that we really “decided” to have kids. I was just more relaxed about my birth control, and we decided to risk it if I missed a day or picked my pills up from the pharmacy late that month, and then I was pregnant. It was pretty common at the time for people to get pregnant shortly after getting married or to have somewhat less planned pregnancies.

I know a lot more people use IUDs now, and really plan out their pregnancies. I don’t really envy that. It would have been a much harder decision.

[Anonymous]

You both make pretty decent salaries and you are young- if you want children don’t let your fear of the cost stop you from having them. Your lifestyle will drastically change when you have kids. You won’t have nearly as much disposable income to spend on things like travel, nice clothes, going out to eat, etc. you may need to live in an apartment for a few years, and spending a ton of money on childcare is extremely painful. Having children has been BY FAR the most rewarding experience of my life, so from my perspective the sacrifices are worth it!