4 year old boy won't stop peeing all around the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think my DD would ever be trained. She was 4 when her preschool teacher advised us to make her start cleaning up the mess. It was amazing how quickly things changed after that.

This is my suggestion. Make a cleaning process that he has to do every time. Make it as annoying as possible (even if it accomplishes very little). Cornstarch is good to absirb liquid and then he has to vacuum it up.

And little attention while it happens of course. Go clean up Larlo. You know where the towels are .

[Anonymous]

I agree with the having him clean up. I’d also get one of those backpacks with a strap you hold onto (like a ‘leash’ but that word feels weird for a person) and have him next to you at all times in the house. He has no freedom until he stops peeing everywhere. If he pees in the toilet he gets 30 minutes without the backpack and attachment to you. I have a four year old and she can definitely understand consequences and losing privileges. She’d also at first think the backpack thing is fun until she realizes she has to stand there while I fold clothes instead of playing with toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think my DD would ever be trained. She was 4 when her preschool teacher advised us to make her start cleaning up the mess. It was amazing how quickly things changed after that.

+1 You need using the toilet to be the easy option for him. Even if he doesn't do a great job, you need to have a stack of towels ready so he can blot it up, help you get out the rug cleaner, etc.

+2 you need to put this back on him and make him clean up his messes.

And, unfortunately, you need to supervise him and probably contained (meaning no upstairs unless it’s bedtime, block off or lock other rooms/basement). I’d treat it like I treated my puppy - access and freedom are earned with good behavior). No rugs in the rooms he’s allowed in.

op here. I think he has fun cleaning up messes. I will still have him do it but I don't think that will be enough.

Oh man OP, I fully sympathize with you, but I laughed so hard at this. Kids!!
I have multiple boys and while I’ve never had a chronic problem with this, 2 out of my 3 went through a very short stage at this age where they randomly peed on the carpet, or sprayed the nice fabric couch(!), etc. those 2 are neurotypical and happy/healthy. But yes, I put the fear of God into them for doing it at the time. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re more angry than you actually are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the having him clean up. I’d also get one of those backpacks with a strap you hold onto (like a ‘leash’ but that word feels weird for a person) and have him next to you at all times in the house. He has no freedom until he stops peeing everywhere. If he pees in the toilet he gets 30 minutes without the backpack and attachment to you. I have a four year old and she can definitely understand consequences and losing privileges. She’d also at first think the backpack thing is fun until she realizes she has to stand there while I fold clothes instead of playing with toys.

I think it’s called a harness for toddlers and preschoolers who are at risk of running into traffic and stuff like that. It’s a good idea. Natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think my DD would ever be trained. She was 4 when her preschool teacher advised us to make her start cleaning up the mess. It was amazing how quickly things changed after that.

+1 You need using the toilet to be the easy option for him. Even if he doesn't do a great job, you need to have a stack of towels ready so he can blot it up, help you get out the rug cleaner, etc.

+2 you need to put this back on him and make him clean up his messes.

And, unfortunately, you need to supervise him and probably contained (meaning no upstairs unless it’s bedtime, block off or lock other rooms/basement). I’d treat it like I treated my puppy - access and freedom are earned with good behavior). No rugs in the rooms he’s allowed in.

op here. I think he has fun cleaning up messes. I will still have him do it but I don't think that will be enough.

Oh man OP, I fully sympathize with you, but I laughed so hard at this. Kids!!
I have multiple boys and while I’ve never had a chronic problem with this, 2 out of my 3 went through a very short stage at this age where they randomly peed on the carpet, or sprayed the nice fabric couch(!), etc. those 2 are neurotypical and happy/healthy. But yes, I put the fear of God into them for doing it at the time. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re more angry than you actually are.

I wouldn’t need to pretend. It’s completely disgusting.

[Anonymous]

I knew a boy engaging in this exact behavior and it turned out he was being sexually abused. I would take your son to the ped and talk this through with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think my DD would ever be trained. She was 4 when her preschool teacher advised us to make her start cleaning up the mess. It was amazing how quickly things changed after that.

This is my suggestion. Make a cleaning process that he has to do every time. Make it as annoying as possible (even if it accomplishes very little). Cornstarch is good to absirb liquid and then he has to vacuum it up.

You need a pet pee enzyme cleaner and carpet cleaner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a pediatric consult, to see if there's anything functionally wrong down there, or in his bloodwork, such as juvenile diabetes. One symptom of juvenile diabetes is frequent urination. Please don't treat this like a behavioral issue until you've got the medical part cleared up!

If he's physically healthy and this is a behavioral, then you'll have to potty-train (timed bathroom visits, consequences for messing up the house, etc), and assess whether there is neurodivergence: kids with severe ADHD or kids on the spectrum sometimes need additional explicit instructions and reminders, or sometimes need accommodations when going to the bathroom: perhaps something is scary in your bathrooms, such as the flush, or they don't like the contact of the seat, or they don't like being in confined space... it could be anything. A neurotypical kid will adapt, but a kid on the spectrum will not be able to do that unless you modify their environment somewhat then accompany them every step of the way.

This makes sense, but why is he not having issues outside the house? He goes to the bathroom several times at school. It's very strange to him that he's fine at school but not at home. We were away for a whole month and he didn't pee all over DHs parents house.

Why did you leave your 4yo for an entire month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a pediatric consult, to see if there's anything functionally wrong down there, or in his bloodwork, such as juvenile diabetes. One symptom of juvenile diabetes is frequent urination. Please don't treat this like a behavioral issue until you've got the medical part cleared up!

If he's physically healthy and this is a behavioral, then you'll have to potty-train (timed bathroom visits, consequences for messing up the house, etc), and assess whether there is neurodivergence: kids with severe ADHD or kids on the spectrum sometimes need additional explicit instructions and reminders, or sometimes need accommodations when going to the bathroom: perhaps something is scary in your bathrooms, such as the flush, or they don't like the contact of the seat, or they don't like being in confined space... it could be anything. A neurotypical kid will adapt, but a kid on the spectrum will not be able to do that unless you modify their environment somewhat then accompany them every step of the way.

This makes sense, but why is he not having issues outside the house? He goes to the bathroom several times at school. It's very strange to him that he's fine at school but not at home. We were away for a whole month and he didn't pee all over DHs parents house.

Why did you leave your 4yo for an entire month?

This. Wow. I thought he wasn’t getting enough attention before I even read that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t think my DD would ever be trained. She was 4 when her preschool teacher advised us to make her start cleaning up the mess. It was amazing how quickly things changed after that.

+1 You need using the toilet to be the easy option for him. Even if he doesn't do a great job, you need to have a stack of towels ready so he can blot it up, help you get out the rug cleaner, etc.

+2 you need to put this back on him and make him clean up his messes.

And, unfortunately, you need to supervise him and probably contained (meaning no upstairs unless it’s bedtime, block off or lock other rooms/basement). I’d treat it like I treated my puppy - access and freedom are earned with good behavior). No rugs in the rooms he’s allowed in.

op here. I think he has fun cleaning up messes. I will still have him do it but I don't think that will be enough.

Oh man OP, I fully sympathize with you, but I laughed so hard at this. Kids!!
I have multiple boys and while I’ve never had a chronic problem with this, 2 out of my 3 went through a very short stage at this age where they randomly peed on the carpet, or sprayed the nice fabric couch(!), etc. those 2 are neurotypical and happy/healthy. But yes, I put the fear of God into them for doing it at the time. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re more angry than you actually are.

OP here. Hahahaha he knows I am angry. There is no need to pretend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a pediatric consult, to see if there's anything functionally wrong down there, or in his bloodwork, such as juvenile diabetes. One symptom of juvenile diabetes is frequent urination. Please don't treat this like a behavioral issue until you've got the medical part cleared up!

If he's physically healthy and this is a behavioral, then you'll have to potty-train (timed bathroom visits, consequences for messing up the house, etc), and assess whether there is neurodivergence: kids with severe ADHD or kids on the spectrum sometimes need additional explicit instructions and reminders, or sometimes need accommodations when going to the bathroom: perhaps something is scary in your bathrooms, such as the flush, or they don't like the contact of the seat, or they don't like being in confined space... it could be anything. A neurotypical kid will adapt, but a kid on the spectrum will not be able to do that unless you modify their environment somewhat then accompany them every step of the way.

This makes sense, but why is he not having issues outside the house? He goes to the bathroom several times at school. It's very strange to him that he's fine at school but not at home. We were away for a whole month and he didn't pee all over DHs parents house.

Why did you leave your 4yo for an entire month?

This. Wow. I thought he wasn’t getting enough attention before I even read that.

OP here. We were with him the entire time jeez. He gets plenty of time with us. His dad also works from home 3 days a week. He sees his parents a lot more than I did as a child. Sometimes he will ask me if I have work because he's excited to do dad/ boy stuff with DH and his older brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the having him clean up. I’d also get one of those backpacks with a strap you hold onto (like a ‘leash’ but that word feels weird for a person) and have him next to you at all times in the house. He has no freedom until he stops peeing everywhere. If he pees in the toilet he gets 30 minutes without the backpack and attachment to you. I have a four year old and she can definitely understand consequences and losing privileges. She’d also at first think the backpack thing is fun until she realizes she has to stand there while I fold clothes instead of playing with toys.

I think it’s called a harness for toddlers and preschoolers who are at risk running into traffic and stuff like that. It’s a good idea. Natural consequences.

OP here. Thank you. He does run away from me a lot. We bought something like this when we went on a trip recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's post like this that make me grateful that I'm childfree.

And yet you spend your time on a Saturday posting on a parenting website. Pathetic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, try to assess whether there's stress at school. If there's a bully or a conflict you don't know about, it can make a child regress in their potty-training.

I thought about this, but he seems fine, and he's very verbal. He tells us all kinds of things about school. He even notices stuff about his teacher that most kids may be unable to articulate. For examples there was something his teacher did at circle time when we toured the school i.e. passing around a candle and I asked him if she does that a lot and he said she only does that when new people come He said "when new humans come teacher is different, her is nice and does fun things."

Um - your example of his being advanced verbally includes several oddities - grammatical errors, missing articles, strange word choices. Reads like robot speech. Is this really how he talks? He refers to people as “humans”?

If so, this may indicate neurodiversity. Often folks on the spectrum have odd speech patterns.

Inclusion Pre-k teacher here and I agree. Yes he’s observant but at 4, that’s immature speech. Honestly even by 2.5 it would be on the low end if appropriate and by 3, it’s indicative of speech issues.

Also, at 4, he should be able to tell you why he is doing this. Ask him and see what he says. The fact that he only does this at home shows that he can physically control it, which would make it a behavioral (maybe neurological?) issue. Start with natural consequences (like others have already suggested, he can’t be alone in the house and he has to go on a schedule, etc…). Make it clear to him WHY these things are happening. “We’ve noticed you make the choice to go pee outside of the toilet at home. This is unsafe because it spreads germs in our house. Until we have 2 weeks where you only go in the toilet, you will have to stay with mom/dad in the house and try to go every 30 minutes”. If this doesn’t work, meet with a therapist and/or parenting consultant. I personally would consult with his pediatrician just to cover all the bases (also they should be able to refer you to a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist/parenting consultant as appropriate)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, try to assess whether there's stress at school. If there's a bully or a conflict you don't know about, it can make a child regress in their potty-training.

I thought about this, but he seems fine, and he's very verbal. He tells us all kinds of things about school. He even notices stuff about his teacher that most kids may be unable to articulate. For examples there was something his teacher did at circle time when we toured the school i.e. passing around a candle and I asked him if she does that a lot and he said she only does that when new people come He said "when new humans come teacher is different, her is nice and does fun things."

Um - your example of his being advanced verbally includes several oddities - grammatical errors, missing articles, strange word choices. Reads like robot speech. Is this really how he talks? He refers to people as “humans”?

If so, this may indicate neurodiversity. Often folks on the spectrum have odd speech patterns.

Inclusion Pre-k teacher here and I agree. Yes he’s observant but at 4, that’s immature speech. Honestly even by 2.5 it would be on the low end if appropriate and by 3, it’s indicative of speech issues.

Also, at 4, he should be able to tell you why he is doing this. Ask him and see what he says. The fact that he only does this at home shows that he can physically control it, which would make it a behavioral (maybe neurological?) issue. Start with natural consequences (like others have already suggested, he can’t be alone in the house and he has to go on a schedule, etc…). Make it clear to him WHY these things are happening. “We’ve noticed you make the choice to go pee outside of the toilet at home. This is unsafe because it spreads germs in our house. Until we have 2 weeks where you only go in the toilet, you will have to stay with mom/dad in the house and try to go every 30 minutes”. If this doesn’t work, meet with a therapist and/or parenting consultant. I personally would consult with his pediatrician just to cover all the bases (also they should be able to refer you to a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist/parenting consultant as appropriate)

Oh also I would make a visual tracker for the 2 weeks. A sticker everyday he only uses the toilet or something’s. This way he can see that’s he’s getting closer or can see if he’s not (“oh, you did great for 4 days, but you peed in the living room today, so we’ll have to try again”)