Starting private parochial school - feel weird telling friends/neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t judge families for sending their kids to privates when they need special support, at all. When parents tell me their kids “needs” private because they’re just too smart for public, I roll my eyes internally.

I don't judge anyone unless their personality is based on where their kid goes to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

+1

Just own that you don't like the public school, don't think it is very good and because you can afford private you are going that route. You neighbors all know this is the reason. No need to lie and say it's because you want a caltholic education or it's a better fit for your kid, while claiming that you support public schools. We know people who do this and is sounds so ridiculous because we all know why their kids are not in the public school.

Let's be honest here, most of your neighbors will actually be jealous but it's because they too know the public school aren't good. They just can't or aren't willing to spend the money for the expensive privates and/or aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school.

FWIW, you could not pay me to send my kids to catholic school. I grew up catholic and there is no way I want my kids getting that level of exposure to it. I am not jealous.

I was the one who wrote that they are jealous. I should have clarified what I meant. I did not mean that they were jealous of a catholic school. Like you, I would never send my kids to a catholic school. Which was why I said "aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school." We could afford catholic, but would note even consider it. We are in les than desirable public schools and if we could afford it I would send my kids to a non-religious private school. Sadly the non religious ones are insanely expensive.

[Anonymous]

OP, seriously nobody cares what you do. You may find that your friendships are affected by spending less time with these people, and that's the choice you are making. Sometimes we think we have real friendships and find out they're just situational, and that's a normal part of life.

Second, don't assume they're jealous. You have no idea of other people's wealth and of their reasons for their parenting decisions. If it's awkward, either you're making it awkward or it's awkward for some reason they don't want to say to your face. Like that they're happy you're leaving, or they think you're making a bad choice for your kid, or they know something bad about your school that you don't. Or that you're in denial about your kids' special needs and riding the "they just need a smaller class size" train. Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t trash the neighborhood school, thereby insulting their choice. We are moving DC to Catholic high school next year. Some friends have asked why and we say we think it’s the right fit, and mention one or two things we like about it that are good for DC. That’s it.

YMMV but this is APS where lots of kids apply to HB or Tech or TJ, or in elementary apply for ATS or immersion so families making different choices isn’t unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that it's parochial school makes this much easier IMO. You are leaning into your Catholicism. Some people probably won't buy it but it's an easy explanation. People will think whatever they're gonna think. I guarantee you most won't care.

+1. Also, parochial school is not really something to be jealous of. It’s like $10k. And not particularly prestigious. Your neighbors could easily do the same but they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Most people are really self-absorbed. The other parents really don’t care where your kids go to school. Honest. Some might be curious and ask about it, but they won’t give it more than a passing thought other than the fact that their kid will miss hanging out with your kid at school. If you actually encounter animosity from others about this decision, it shows immaturity or an unhealthy level of competition. Move on and find better friends.

[Anonymous]

Nothing says "I'm better than you" more than private school for richers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

+1

Just own that you don't like the public school, don't think it is very good and because you can afford private you are going that route. You neighbors all know this is the reason. No need to lie and say it's because you want a caltholic education or it's a better fit for your kid, while claiming that you support public schools. We know people who do this and is sounds so ridiculous because we all know why their kids are not in the public school.

Let's be honest here, most of your neighbors will actually be jealous but it's because they too know the public school aren't good. They just can't or aren't willing to spend the money for the expensive privates and/or aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school.

FWIW, you could not pay me to send my kids to catholic school. I grew up catholic and there is no way I want my kids getting that level of exposure to it. I am not jealous.

I was the one who wrote that they are jealous. I should have clarified what I meant. I did not mean that they were jealous of a catholic school. Like you, I would never send my kids to a catholic school. Which was why I said "aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school." We could afford catholic, but would note even consider it. We are in les than desirable public schools and if we could afford it I would send my kids to a non-religious private school. Sadly the non religious ones are insanely expensive.

I am the quoted PP and that makes sense. We are in the same boat. If I could afford 50k for elementary school for each kid, I would send them to somewhere like Burgundy Farm so fast - I think my very smart, free-spirited DD would thrive there. But it is out of reach for us. I don't think Catholic school is better; just different.

[Anonymous]

I was your child and some neighbors did not like me doing something different than their kids. You can't control other people and their reactions, OP. Issues of class and religion come in when it is a Catholic school and those are more charged than ever these days.

Hope your family enjoys the new school community. I'd break the news to neighbors in late summer in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that it's parochial school makes this much easier IMO. You are leaning into your Catholicism. Some people probably won't buy it but it's an easy explanation. People will think whatever they're gonna think. I guarantee you most won't care.

+1. Also, parochial school is not really something to be jealous of. It’s like $10k. And not particularly prestigious. Your neighbors could easily do the same but they don’t want to.

+ 1 on this. We are leaving a lot we love at our public (commute, facilities, club and sports options) for parochial. It’s not better, just better for our family in the things we want to prioritize. Our neighbors definitely could do this too, they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We switched ten years ago, when quality of education was not as bad. My friends were very surprised, and asked why. I told them it was for religious reasons, and that seemed to shut them up. Of course that was not the only reason, but I didn't share that. In this situation it helps to be Catholic.

LOL I would think you were ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Grow up.
No one cares where your kid goes to school.
If you want to waste your money that is your business. You want your kid going to a religious private where Science and math are of lower quality than public, especially in upper grades, and teaches a religion that supports a church that protects child abusers. Again your choice. And you give money to a place that has Billions in the bank. Again all free choices your free choices currently in the United States of America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Grow up.
No one cares where your kid goes to school.
If you want to waste your money that is your business. You want your kid going to a religious private where Science and math are of lower quality than public, especially in upper grades, and teaches a religion that supports a church that protects child abusers. Again your choice. And you give money to a place that has Billions in the bank. Again all free choices your free choices currently in the United States of America.

I gotta say the anti-Catholic bashing on this board is out of control.
-not a Catholic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that it's parochial school makes this much easier IMO. You are leaning into your Catholicism. Some people probably won't buy it but it's an easy explanation. People will think whatever they're gonna think. I guarantee you most won't care.

+1. Also, parochial school is not really something to be jealous of. It’s like $10k. And not particularly prestigious. Your neighbors could easily do the same but they don’t want to.

+ 1 on this. We are leaving a lot we love at our public (commute, facilities, club and sports options) for parochial. It’s not better, just better for our family in the things we want to prioritize. Our neighbors definitely could do this too, they don’t want to.

Thank you for this remarkably balanced comment not seeking to bash public or private! The unicorn of comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Grow up.
No one cares where your kid goes to school.
If you want to waste your money that is your business. You want your kid going to a religious private where Science and math are of lower quality than public, especially in upper grades, and teaches a religion that supports a church that protects child abusers. Again your choice. And you give money to a place that has Billions in the bank. Again all free choices your free choices currently in the United States of America.

I gotta say the anti-Catholic bashing on this board is out of control.
-not a Catholic

I mean it's for good reason. My friends DCs go to a Catholic school that brings elementary kids to anti-abortion protests. No thanks.