Starting private parochial school - feel weird telling friends/neighbors

[Anonymous]

Just tell them. You do have misgivings about the public school. Own that. Realize that your neighbors either are your friends or are not. They will still want to be your friends or not.

I also had a K during covid. Lots of people left. The grass isn't always greener.

[Anonymous]

I don't tell anyone where my kid is going to school unless they ask. Sometimes they're surprised or comment how expensive the school is and I respond that we receive generous FA and DS is happy there and leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

+1 Why are you taking them out? I get it - I will always, always, always choose what is best for my kids, but you obviously were dissatisfied with public to take the effort to apply to your parochial and now pay to send them. Some people might be bothered by the fact that you have essentially decided that what they deem good for their own family is not good enough for yours. It's totally your prerogative to do that but you can't expect people to buy that you weren't unhappy with the school. It seems like you are basically looking for external validation for what was a hard decision for you. This is something I struggle with also but is a path to anxiety and unhappiness. Get with your DH and get comfortable about the decision to the point where you don't care what other people think, which you can't control anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

Ford makes a perfectly fine car. But if you have the resources, Mercedes makes a better one.

[Anonymous]

The fact that it's parochial school makes this much easier IMO. You are leaning into your Catholicism. Some people probably won't buy it but it's an easy explanation. People will think whatever they're gonna think. I guarantee you most won't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. And if someone does react negatively, that's a them problem and it's better to know them for who they are.

And who are they exactly?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, who cares? They're not raising your kids, and they're not paying their tuition. Other people's opinion of me is none of my business. And frankly, it's none of their business why you're leaving. If you must, tell them you were looking for something different, and move on.

[Anonymous]

People care much less than you think they do. We started our kids in catholic school when we moved here, and I felt similarly to you at the beginning, but I’ve come to realize they don’t really care and it doesn’t matter. Enjoy your new school community and don’t give it a second thought.

[Anonymous]

A friend moved her kids to private and made the whole thing weird by being super squirrelly about it. When she finally came out with her “secret” she gave all these reasons for moving her kids. I couldn’t possibly have cared less why she was moving them and I definitely didn’t need a breathless explanation. It was almost like she was assuming I’d be jealous or something? I don’t know. I wish she’d just said way earlier “Hey, we decided to move the boys to X! Seems like a good fit for them.” And I would have said “Awesome, I’ll miss seeing you guys at school but I’m sure X is going to be great.” The end. TL/DR: It’s only weird if you make it weird. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

Ford makes a perfectly fine car. But if you have the resources, Mercedes makes a better one.

I wouldn’t call the majority of Catholic schools in the DC area “Mercedes” level but people can have differing opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

Ford makes a perfectly fine car. But if you have the resources, Mercedes makes a better one.

I wouldn’t call the majority of Catholic schools in the DC area “Mercedes” level but people can have differing opinions.

Are you really nitpicking the analogy? Perhaps if I'd said "Lincoln" you'd agree and the concept would have been roughly the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that it's parochial school makes this much easier IMO. You are leaning into your Catholicism. Some people probably won't buy it but it's an easy explanation. People will think whatever they're gonna think. I guarantee you most won't care.

+1 this.

[Anonymous]

Ok. So here is a harsh answer. Some people do care. Those people tend to be public school zealots. Sometimes former teachers or educators. To them, anyone not sending their kids to public school has a kid that “can’t hack it” or has “issues fitting in.” They will never be convinced that your choice is a good one and frankly they won’t hold back. Just accept they these people exists. Then the other harsh part is that many private school families don’t count Parochial as private. They will tell you that the cost is a fraction of fully private schools and the admissions standards are very low. You won’t find much support from this group either. Just be comfortable with your choice and that is good. They are your kids. Good luck at the new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. So here is a harsh answer. Some people do care. Those people tend to be public school zealots. Sometimes former teachers or educators. To them, anyone not sending their kids to public school has a kid that “can’t hack it” or has “issues fitting in.” They will never be convinced that your choice is a good one and frankly they won’t hold back. Just accept they these people exists. Then the other harsh part is that many private school families don’t count Parochial as private. They will tell you that the cost is a fraction of fully private schools and the admissions standards are very low. You won’t find much support from this group either. Just be comfortable with your choice and that is good. They are your kids. Good luck at the new school.

PP whose question still remains... who cares whether or not they care OR what they have to say?????? Like this poster said, be comfortable with your decision. Unless you're having a hard time because you're really not comfortable with the decision. That's a whole different issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend moved her kids to private and made the whole thing weird by being super squirrelly about it. When she finally came out with her “secret” she gave all these reasons for moving her kids. I couldn’t possibly have cared less why she was moving them and I definitely didn’t need a breathless explanation. It was almost like she was assuming I’d be jealous or something? I don’t know. I wish she’d just said way earlier “Hey, we decided to move the boys to X! Seems like a good fit for them.” And I would have said “Awesome, I’ll miss seeing you guys at school but I’m sure X is going to be great.” The end. TL/DR: It’s only weird if you make it weird. No one cares.

This. You are making this a bigger deal in your own mind than it is in anyone else’s. People really don’t think about you that much, OP.