Starting private parochial school - feel weird telling friends/neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend moved her kids to private and made the whole thing weird by being super squirrelly about it. When she finally came out with her “secret” she gave all these reasons for moving her kids. I couldn’t possibly have cared less why she was moving them and I definitely didn’t need a breathless explanation. It was almost like she was assuming I’d be jealous or something? I don’t know. I wish she’d just said way earlier “Hey, we decided to move the boys to X! Seems like a good fit for them.” And I would have said “Awesome, I’ll miss seeing you guys at school but I’m sure X is going to be great.” The end. TL/DR: It’s only weird if you make it weird. No one cares.

This. You are making this a bigger deal in your own mind than it is in anyone else’s. People really don’t think about you that much, OP.

This. No one is thinking about you all that much. Be comfortable in your own skin. My kid is in private but he often still hangs out with his public school friends from elementary. I still hang out with many of the moms. We all mostly respect each other’s choices or at least keep strong opinions to ourselves. It is fine

[Anonymous]

I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school

Op, you don't get to reject *their* school and have your way -- not wanting be feel uncomfortable. Sorry, feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school

Op, you don't get to reject *their* school and have your way -- not wanting be feel uncomfortable. Sorry, feel uncomfortable.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m going on a deep dive. A book that changed my life was reading “ The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing” by Bronnie Ware.
The first regret the dying have is: “ I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”
So when it comes to schools, do what feels best for your family, your values and for your child. Be upfront if people ask and you can say that you are excited to try a faith based education.
Be courageous and live your life!
When we all eventually will die, I sure am not going to care what my neighbor thought of me sending my kid to Catholic school!
For context, we are sending our DS to Catholic school (and our elementary is Churchill in Mclean) and we are excited but yes awaiting all the questions but this is our life and I don’t want to have regrets!
Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

Op, we pulled our oldest from public school after K and moved them to an independent school. Now our three kids go to independent school - tuition well over $100k.

Our friends from public know the cost and at some level I imagine they either think we are stupid for paying so much when the local public elementary is great, or they think we think the public must suck if we are willing to pay $100k to send our kids elsewhere. Or they think we just are stupid with money.

I actually don’t care what they think about our choice on schools or the reason why - it was the right choice for our children. I’m glad theirs are doing well in public (sincerely happy). These are good friends, and I assume they are also happy my kids are doing well.

[Anonymous]

You assume a lot.

Why not assume they really don’t spend a lot of time thinking about you other than to hope all is well?

[Anonymous]

I’m debating the very same thing. At one of the best DC Elementary schools but it’s still not the same as Catholic quality. We put older kid there in middle school so can really see the difference. I think my other child would really benefit. But I’m a little worried about social stuff and will really miss the public community. They are so much more fun than the Catholic moms (sorry! And I’m Catholic).

[Anonymous]

I really just don’t care about you enough to give a shit where you send your kids to school. It’s none of my business.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be prepared for some of your neighbors to not invest as much in maintaining the relationship. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. So here is a harsh answer. Some people do care. Those people tend to be public school zealots. Sometimes former teachers or educators. To them, anyone not sending their kids to public school has a kid that “can’t hack it” or has “issues fitting in.” They will never be convinced that your choice is a good one and frankly they won’t hold back. Just accept they these people exists. Then the other harsh part is that many private school families don’t count Parochial as private. They will tell you that the cost is a fraction of fully private schools and the admissions standards are very low. You won’t find much support from this group either. Just be comfortable with your choice and that is good. They are your kids. Good luck at the new school.

So what? OP will probably never talk to these people again, even if they are neighbors. Out of sight out of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to be prepared for some of your neighbors to not invest as much in maintaining the relationship. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it goes.

Goes both ways. OP won’t be investing as much either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to be prepared for some of your neighbors to not invest as much in maintaining the relationship. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it goes.

Goes both ways. OP won’t be investing as much either.

This - you are choosing to fundamentally shift your family’s relationship with the community. This is fine but it’s going to be a big change and it’s not on your neighbors to make you feel better about it. Especially in elementary, kids want to play with the ones they see every day, so expect fewer play dates, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been in private since preschool. When neighbors public school parents ask where my kids go to school I tell them the truth and say we did not want the bilingual instruction of our elementary school (we are a trilingual family). I avoid mentioning what I saw when I went to visit our local public school.
As per the feelings for sending them to private, sometimes I wish they went to our FREE neighborhood school 1 block away, but then I remind myself how much better are the schools that they are in. I just not share these thoughts with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

I agree with this, I think it says a lot with how/why you say you’re moving. We’re also moving schools but I’m not going to bad mouth our old school, and I am not crazy enough to think out new school will be perfect. Every school has its challenges and we’re choosing the one we think best fits our family, and assume they’re doing the same.