Starting private parochial school - feel weird telling friends/neighbors

[Anonymous]

We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

[Anonymous]

I went to public school my entire life and it was great. Public school has changed a lot. I pick what is best for my kids right now. Nothing to be sorry about.

[Anonymous]

We’re in a similar area - we have great public schools and most people use them at least for elementary and middle. We’re switching to private next year for our oldest who will be in 9th. While a good number switch to private for HS, I also sometimes feel a little awkward telling neighbors or friends whose kids are staying in public for HS that we’re switching. I think the best way to go is to keep the focus on your kid. I usually say something like - “the private just is a really great fit for him” or “he has a few friends who go there and love it and he also fell in love with it after his shadow visit.” Both of these statements are completely true, although DH and I also have some complaints about our public middle that made us start looking at private for HS. But, I don’t mention these to anyone whose kids are staying in public.

[Anonymous]

I have similar feelings. DC starting a very expensive high school next year and I feel embarrassed about it. I don’t know why and I certainly feel fine when we’re with the families going there (we already know many) or at the school. Just commiserating. I’m assuming this feeling goes away as I get used to the idea. I rationally know people don’t care and I’m not second guessing the decision. It just feels conspicuous and I don’t love that feeling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in a similar area - we have great public schools and most people use them at least for elementary and middle. We’re switching to private next year for our oldest who will be in 9th. While a good number switch to private for HS, I also sometimes feel a little awkward telling neighbors or friends whose kids are staying in public for HS that we’re switching. I think the best way to go is to keep the focus on your kid. I usually say something like - “the private just is a really great fit for him” or “he has a few friends who go there and love it and he also fell in love with it after his shadow visit.” Both of these statements are completely true, although DH and I also have some complaints about our public middle that made us start looking at private for HS. But, I don’t mention these to anyone whose kids are staying in public.

Your friends/neighbors don't really care and shouldn't be offended by your decision. Just avoid telling them it is so your kid doesn't have to associate with the poors and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

In my DC neighborhood, there's a wide range of public, charter, parochial and independent private school families. Everyone knows that generally speaking, people are choosing what is best for their particular family and kids.

I would give your neighbors the benefit of the doubt about this. I suspect they will not react badly at all. It's just a choice, like any other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have similar feelings. DC starting a very expensive high school next year and I feel embarrassed about it. I don’t know why and I certainly feel fine when we’re with the families going there (we already know many) or at the school. Just commiserating. I’m assuming this feeling goes away as I get used to the idea. I rationally know people don’t care and I’m not second guessing the decision. It just feels conspicuous and I don’t love that feeling

I get this, but it really isn't. You are choosing to spend your resources on things that meet your family's needs. The end.

Also, you'll quickly get over it once the grind of school begins.

[Anonymous]

No one cares. And if someone does react negatively, that's a them problem and it's better to know them for who they are.

[Anonymous]

I expect the only people in our very similar neighborhood who will make comments already make negative comments about anyone who is different from their kids. That's maybe 1 or 2 people out of dozens of neighborhood acquaintances.

However for the sake of minimizing any weirdness for our kids, we aren't saying anything around the neighborhood until near the end of the school year. No need for the kids to spend the next 3 months doing some sort of prolonged goodbye or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. And if someone does react negatively, that's a them problem and it's better to know them for who they are.

+100

[Anonymous]

We switched ten years ago, when quality of education was not as bad. My friends were very surprised, and asked why. I told them it was for religious reasons, and that seemed to shut them up. Of course that was not the only reason, but I didn't share that. In this situation it helps to be Catholic.

[Anonymous]

I would be careful about how you talk about it to your kids. Our friends did this and their 7 year old told my DD with me within earshot that they were switching schools because there were other kids with behavior problems from the bad part of the neighborhood and their dad is rich. The kid obviously got that from somewhere.

[Anonymous]

OP have you told anyone yet? How have those people reacted? People might surprise you.

[Anonymous]

This really rubs some people the wrong way. I just try to tread lightly and mostly not talk about it much. I have nothing against private - we landed there for one reason for our older child, decided to have second child follow in same path. It has worked and momentum naturally kept us on that same path for high school - even though our kids did visit and consider our public. They both had positive views of public, but it made more sense to them to stay with private because both got into schools they liked. If that hadn't have happened, they were ready to move to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.