Starting private parochial school - feel weird telling friends/neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in private since preschool. When neighbors public school parents ask where my kids go to school I tell them the truth and say we did not want the bilingual instruction of our elementary school (we are a trilingual family). I avoid mentioning what I saw when I went to visit our local public school.
As per the feelings for sending them to private, sometimes I wish they went to our FREE neighborhood school 1 block away, but then I remind myself how much better are the schools that they are in. I just not share these thoughts with anyone.

It’s very different choosing not to go to a school than it is attending and then choosing to leave. You choosing private isn’t a reflection on their school or choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

I agree with this, I think it says a lot with how/why you say you’re moving. We’re also moving schools but I’m not going to bad mouth our old school, and I am not crazy enough to think out new school will be perfect. Every school has its challenges and we’re choosing the one we think best fits our family, and assume they’re doing the same.

I think the part about "best fits our family" is perfect. Anyone who is offended by that is probably not a long-term friend anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

+1. Most kids don’t “need” private school unless they have specific issues that a school is designed to address. Parents are “choosing” private school and in doing so you are saying it offers something that your public does not or you feel entitled to something different. This is fine, but don’t expect others to be naive to this fact you’re taking your ball and going elsewhere and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

+1. Most kids don’t “need” private school unless they have specific issues that a school is designed to address. Parents are “choosing” private school and in doing so you are saying it offers something that your public does not or you feel entitled to something different. This is fine, but don’t expect others to be naive to this fact you’re taking your ball and going elsewhere and why.

+1 You can't have it both ways OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

+1. Most kids don’t “need” private school unless they have specific issues that a school is designed to address. Parents are “choosing” private school and in doing so you are saying it offers something that your public does not or you feel entitled to something different. This is fine, but don’t expect others to be naive to this fact you’re taking your ball and going elsewhere and why.

I do feel entitled to something different when a public school doesn't meet my kid's needs. I'm as entitled as anyone else to choose the environment that works best. It's rich that people benefitting from a public school education feel entitled to judge anyone else for wanting the same thing. But, unlike OP I wouldn't actually worry about the self righteous judgment of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

Bluntly, you do have issues with the school - you’ve had “mixed feelings” since covid and feel that you “have to” send your kids to private (you don’t, you choose to). If someone said to me “I had to” send my kids to private knowing that mine were staying at the public, I would have a hard time not being offended. I wouldn’t hold a grudge or anything but it’s clear that you think this school isn’t good enough for your kids and I’m sure you’ve done or said other things to make that clear.

+1. Most kids don’t “need” private school unless they have specific issues that a school is designed to address. Parents are “choosing” private school and in doing so you are saying it offers something that your public does not or you feel entitled to something different. This is fine, but don’t expect others to be naive to this fact you’re taking your ball and going elsewhere and why.

This. Unless someone is moving to a really high-end private school (generally not parochial) I assume they are moving because their kid needs more support than the public school can give them. It’s not a reflection of my school choices, just the right environment for their kid. If someone is moving to St. Alban’s, then yes, it’s almost certainly a more rigorous education than any public school can offer and if my kid had the aptitude and we had the money, I’d send them there too. But for the typical neighborhood parochial school it’s less about rigor and more about fit for that kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

+1

Just own that you don't like the public school, don't think it is very good and because you can afford private you are going that route. You neighbors all know this is the reason. No need to lie and say it's because you want a caltholic education or it's a better fit for your kid, while claiming that you support public schools. We know people who do this and is sounds so ridiculous because we all know why their kids are not in the public school.

Let's be honest here, most of your neighbors will actaully be jealous but it's because they too know the public school aren't good. They just can't or aren't willing to spend the money for the expensive privates and/or aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in an area where most of our friends and neighbors go to our local public school, at least for elementary school. We have had mixed feelings about the school since COVID (started kindergarten during covid) and have decided to move our two older children to our local parochial school. I feel weird telling our neighbors/friends because I don't want them to think we have bad feelings toward our public school, it just isn't a good fit for our kids right now. Also DH and I are big proponents of public school, both of us going to public school before college, and are having mixed feelings about having to send our kids to private school. Any thoughts on how to reconcile these feelings?

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also not being entirely honest. You can't claim that you have no bad feelings toward your public school, otherwise you wouldn't take your kids out and send them to private. So, just admit that you aren't happy with your public, saying it is not a good fit is obviously just an excuse, and you have to expect that others won't buy that reason. Again, I understand why you took them out, my kids are also in private school, but don't pretend that you think that the public is great if you don't really think so.

+1

Just own that you don't like the public school, don't think it is very good and because you can afford private you are going that route. You neighbors all know this is the reason. No need to lie and say it's because you want a caltholic education or it's a better fit for your kid, while claiming that you support public schools. We know people who do this and is sounds so ridiculous because we all know why their kids are not in the public school.

Let's be honest here, most of your neighbors will actaully be jealous but it's because they too know the public school aren't good. They just can't or aren't willing to spend the money for the expensive privates and/or aren't willing to send kids to a less expensive catholic school.

FWIW, you could not pay me to send my kids to catholic school. I grew up catholic and there is no way I want my kids getting that level of exposure to it. I am not jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in private since preschool. When neighbors public school parents ask where my kids go to school I tell them the truth and say we did not want the bilingual instruction of our elementary school (we are a trilingual family). I avoid mentioning what I saw when I went to visit our local public school.
As per the feelings for sending them to private, sometimes I wish they went to our FREE neighborhood school 1 block away, but then I remind myself how much better are the schools that they are in. I just not share these thoughts with anyone.

It’s very different choosing not to go to a school than it is attending and then choosing to leave. You choosing private isn’t a reflection on their school or choices.

My eldest went to PK in DCPS and it was not a good experience/place for her.

I also think that independently from academic abilities, some kids thrive socially in a smaller classroom with no problematic kids… which was my daughter’s case. My middle child would have likely been great in public because she has a very dominant personality and would have been noticed /heard even when surrounded by troubled kids.

I don’t understand why OP needs to be judged for choosing to spend 50k on private school…

[Anonymous]

Op -- you're not allowed to not-be-judged for the judging you do.
Just live your life. Your separate life. You don't want to be part of the neighborhood community anyway. Your actions have, basically, told them that.

[Anonymous]

Nobody gives a rats ass if you send your kids to parochial school. They’re certainly not going to think you think you’re better than them. If you send them fancy privates, sure, then they WILL think you think you’re better than them. Which is probably right. That’s why I hate fancy private school parents.

[Anonymous]

This topic has come up before. I do no think public school parents care nearly as much as private school parents think they do. I am happy that public has worked out well for my kids and we do not have to shell out for private and go through all the applications and decisions. If my kids were struggling I would also make a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in private since preschool. When neighbors public school parents ask where my kids go to school I tell them the truth and say we did not want the bilingual instruction of our elementary school (we are a trilingual family). I avoid mentioning what I saw when I went to visit our local public school.
As per the feelings for sending them to private, sometimes I wish they went to our FREE neighborhood school 1 block away, but then I remind myself how much better are the schools that they are in. I just not share these thoughts with anyone.

It’s very different choosing not to go to a school than it is attending and then choosing to leave. You choosing private isn’t a reflection on their school or choices.

My eldest went to PK in DCPS and it was not a good experience/place for her.

I also think that independently from academic abilities, some kids thrive socially in a smaller classroom with no problematic kids… which was my daughter’s case. My middle child would have likely been great in public because she has a very dominant personality and would have been noticed /heard even when surrounded by troubled kids.

I don’t understand why OP needs to be judged for choosing to spend 50k on private school…

OP is being judged for thinking she is so much on the minds of her neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have been in private since preschool. When neighbors public school parents ask where my kids go to school I tell them the truth and say we did not want the bilingual instruction of our elementary school (we are a trilingual family). I avoid mentioning what I saw when I went to visit our local public school.
As per the feelings for sending them to private, sometimes I wish they went to our FREE neighborhood school 1 block away, but then I remind myself how much better are the schools that they are in. I just not share these thoughts with anyone.

It’s very different choosing not to go to a school than it is attending and then choosing to leave. You choosing private isn’t a reflection on their school or choices.

My eldest went to PK in DCPS and it was not a good experience/place for her.

I also think that independently from academic abilities, some kids thrive socially in a smaller classroom with no problematic kids… which was my daughter’s case. My middle child would have likely been great in public because she has a very dominant personality and would have been noticed /heard even when surrounded by troubled kids.

I don’t understand why OP needs to be judged for choosing to spend 50k on private school…

Parochial elementary school is not this much.

[Anonymous]

I don’t judge families for sending their kids to privates when they need special support, at all. When parents tell me their kids “needs” private because they’re just too smart for public, I roll my eyes internally.