DH pressuring me to do something I can't

[Anonymous]

OP I mean this nicely, do you struggle setting boundaries? Your husband is pressuring you to resume flying (in midlife with 2 kids and what you describe is not super well controlled DM), and your flight instructor was "pushing" you to get your DM1 under control? Your choices and bodily autonomy are yours. I know men think they can (and they often do) freely comment on women's bodies and choices, but dang girl. You gotta push back. If I felt this pushed around I'd be depressed too.

This is going to sound like a tangent, but: I'm a single working mom in a high-stress job. My life is generally on point because that's what's required to make it all work. Perhaps because I project an image of being put together, I get straight-up *weird* requests. Can I house an unrelated friend in my home for 6 months for free? Can a family with two WAH parents borrow my nanny? Can I spearhead an effort to oust a teacher from our kids' private that the other moms don't like? No. The answer to all these is no. It's isolating, because when people ask these things, it's a reminder that there is no thought as to whether or not that would work for me, it's just an easy ask because they think I can do it. And I could. But that's not what's best for me as a parent.

It sounds like you loved flying, and that's super cool. But I could not imagine taking on that risk as a mom at this point. That's your biology talking and it's not wrong. Now getting your A1C under 5? There's a goal! (you probably already have an insulin pump but if not, get one). That's the goal your husband should support. That's what will help you live the longest and be a happy, healthy person, mother and wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the pilot pp seems like they have some good advice. Maybe look into another hobby that would give you a similar kind of rush? I thought of sailing. Ever try that? From what I’ve been told, Annapolis is the sailing capital of the world

I've thought of this, yes. The thing that holds me back is relearning something at my age. I.e., I'm capable, sure, but I do enjoy being on top, knowledge-wise.

Maybe that's my answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I mean this nicely, do you struggle setting boundaries? Your husband is pressuring you to resume flying (in midlife with 2 kids and what you describe is not super well controlled DM), and your flight instructor was "pushing" you to get your DM1 under control? Your choices and bodily autonomy are yours. I know men think they can (and they often do) freely comment on women's bodies and choices, but dang girl. You gotta push back. If I felt this pushed around I'd be depressed too.

This is going to sound like a tangent, but: I'm a single working mom in a high-stress job. My life is generally on point because that's what's required to make it all work. Perhaps because I project an image of being put together, I get straight-up *weird* requests. Can I house an unrelated friend in my home for 6 months for free? Can a family with two WAH parents borrow my nanny? Can I spearhead an effort to oust a teacher from our kids' private that the other moms don't like? No. The answer to all these is no. It's isolating, because when people ask these things, it's a reminder that there is no thought as to whether or not that would work for me, it's just an easy ask because they think I can do it. And I could. But that's not what's best for me as a parent.

It sounds like you loved flying, and that's super cool. But I could not imagine taking on that risk as a mom at this point. That's your biology talking and it's not wrong. Now getting your A1C under 5? There's a goal! (you probably already have an insulin pump but if not, get one). That's the goal your husband should support. That's what will help you live the longest and be a happy, healthy person, mother and wife.

The T1D is under control. Unfortunately, the FAA requires tons of documentation and exams, and those are the hurdles that are just hard to clear with all the other things we have going on now. It sounds like you get that part.

The risk as a mom - yes. I've tried to explain this to him, and he just says it's anxiety. But you're right, it's biology. Flying light aircraft is not without risk, and my kids need me. My body realizes this, even if I can try to tell myself the opposite.

[Anonymous]

The T1D is under control. Unfortunately, the FAA requires tons of documentation and exams, and those are the hurdles that are just hard to clear with all the other things we have going on now. It sounds like you get that part.

The risk as a mom - yes. I've tried to explain this to him, and he just says it's anxiety. But you're right, it's biology. Flying light aircraft is not without risk, and my kids need me. My body realizes this, even if I can try to tell myself the opposite.

PP from above. OP your assessment of your situation is solid. I say this as an adventurous mom who loved being involved in outdoor sports before DD came along. As an example, I used to bike commute from my condo to the hospital where I worked. It was about 14 miles one way with lots of hills. I loved it. Many times I’d finish at the hospital between one and three in the morning. I would bike home in the dark and loved that feeling of freedom. I tried it a few times after DD came along, and it just wasn’t the same. There was no part of me that could justify getting taken down at three in the morning on my road bike because I insisted on maintaining a vestige of my old life. And that doesn’t mean I stopped riding. it just means I drive to work now and that’s what works for us.

I know I often feel lonely and misunderstood when people look at me sideways because I don’t “step up“ like I used to. It doesn’t feel good that they don’t grant me the grace that I need to do the single most important job that I have, which is being DD‘s mom. But, motherhood can sometimes be a lonely pursuit, albeit one that in my opinion, brings the most joy. You sound like a really interesting person. You do you. Anyone with your interests will find something equally interesting, that also works for her life.

[Anonymous]

Flying is a lot of work, but it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The snide comments make me wonder whether this is about DH’s attraction for OP. He likes telling everyone his wife sky dove, thought that was hot, etc.

Is that why can’t let it go, OP, even though he’s trying to put it in terms as though it’s about you. Have you changed so much over the years?

(By the way, this kind of pressure would turn me right off, but we are all different).

This was my first thought, too. It seems like the DH is trying to make the OP into a woman who excites him again.

I did something similar in a relationship long ago. I fell incredibly hard for an amazingly fit man at work. It wasn’t long before I found myself really turned off by my boyfriend who didn’t work out and encouraging him to get to the gym. In my mind at the time, I felt like I was begging him to step it up.

[Anonymous]

He might be wrong or right (we don’t know) but he is trying to help— and he is doing it awkwardly.

He is reacting to your “I am lonely and isolated” state. He has captured a single solution and is running with it because he probably cares about you. And he has not researched other ideas or spoken to friends or a therapist.

What else can you do to allocate his and your concerns?

[Anonymous]

*alleviate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the pilot pp seems like they have some good advice. Maybe look into another hobby that would give you a similar kind of rush? I thought of sailing. Ever try that? From what I’ve been told, Annapolis is the sailing capital of the world

I've thought of this, yes. The thing that holds me back is relearning something at my age. I.e., I'm capable, sure, but I do enjoy being on top, knowledge-wise.

Maybe that's my answer.

You’d be surprised how fun it can be to learn something from scratch at middle age. I did it with a hobby at age 38 that people typically start young and spend their whole life improving. It’s been amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the pilot pp seems like they have some good advice. Maybe look into another hobby that would give you a similar kind of rush? I thought of sailing. Ever try that? From what I’ve been told, Annapolis is the sailing capital of the world

I've thought of this, yes. The thing that holds me back is relearning something at my age. I.e., I'm capable, sure, but I do enjoy being on top, knowledge-wise.

Maybe that's my answer.

You’d be surprised how fun it can be to learn something from scratch at middle age. I did it with a hobby at age 38 that people typically start young and spend their whole life improving. It’s been amazing.

What was it? I’m hobby shopping.

[Anonymous]

Is it surfing and he wants you tan in a bikini again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it surfing and he wants you tan in a bikini again?

Read the thread, perv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the pilot pp seems like they have some good advice. Maybe look into another hobby that would give you a similar kind of rush? I thought of sailing. Ever try that? From what I’ve been told, Annapolis is the sailing capital of the world

I've thought of this, yes. The thing that holds me back is relearning something at my age. I.e., I'm capable, sure, but I do enjoy being on top, knowledge-wise.

Maybe that's my answer.

You’d be surprised how fun it can be to learn something from scratch at middle age. I did it with a hobby at age 38 that people typically start young and spend their whole life improving. It’s been amazing.

What was it? I’m hobby shopping.

also curious

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's trying to get you killed, TBH, if your "hobby" was as risky as you claim. Might be time to start looking for a way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's trying to get you killed, TBH, if your "hobby" was as risky as you claim. Might be time to start looking for a way out.

DCUM never fails.