finding fwb safely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP. Someone who is rationale and has scientific/medical understanding. The paranoia on this site over STIs is astounding.

PP has no clue. HSV-1 antibody had no effect on the rate of acquiring HSV-2 infection (the HSV-2 seroconversion rate was 5.1 vs. 5.2 per 100 person-years in those who did and did not have preexisting HSV-1 antibody).
And it’s not 80% of population, according to their link. It goes by gender, race and age.

Here is the link again since you seem to be confused. It’s from Johns Hopkins and clearly states that between 50 to 80% of the population has herpes 1:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.

Again, no one knows the precise number because it is so ubiquitous and minor. And yes, having type 1 is protective, though not preventative for type 2. Again, this isn’t really known or much studied. There are way more important issues that the medical profession doesn’t know about like cancer and schizophrenia. Herpes is put on the back burner.

There was a different link above that gives more exact stats. Protective in what sense ? You are giving dangerous and unproven ideas about HSV1; those who already carry it might think they ate somehow immune to HSV2, and stop using protection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP. Someone who is rationale and has scientific/medical understanding. The paranoia on this site over STIs is astounding.

PP has no clue. HSV-1 antibody had no effect on the rate of acquiring HSV-2 infection (the HSV-2 seroconversion rate was 5.1 vs. 5.2 per 100 person-years in those who did and did not have preexisting HSV-1 antibody).
And it’s not 80% of population, according to their link. It goes by gender, race and age.

Here is the link again since you seem to be confused. It’s from Johns Hopkins and clearly states that between 50 to 80% of the population has herpes 1:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.

Again, no one knows the precise number because it is so ubiquitous and minor. And yes, having type 1 is protective, though not preventative for type 2. Again, this isn’t really known or much studied. There are way more important issues that the medical profession doesn’t know about like cancer and schizophrenia. Herpes is put on the back burner.

There was a different link above that gives more exact stats. Protective in what sense ? You are giving dangerous and unproven ideas about HSV1; those who already carry it might think they ate somehow immune to HSV2, and stop using protection

You’re focused on just one study. They is no consensus as to the exact percentage of people who have herpes. Protective in the sense that if you have type 1, you are less likely to get type 2. It’s the same as having a circumcision makes you less likely to get hpv. You can still get it, but the risk is lowered. Herpes is very mild for most people. About 90 percent of people who have genital herpes do not know that they have it. That’s because consistent evidence shows that if you have type 1, even if you get infected with type 2, the infection will be asymptomatic and sub clinical.

https://academic.oup.com/jid/article/185/8/1019/814003

Yes, pretty much everyone has herpes. Doctors do not test for herpes 1. Here’s a Washington Post article that explains it in easy to understand detail:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/11/02/you-probably-have-herpes-but-thats-really-okay/

Stop making a mountain out of mole hill.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you PP. Someone who is rationale and has scientific/medical understanding. The paranoia on this site over STIs is astounding.[/quote]

PP has no clue. HSV-1 antibody had no effect on the rate of acquiring HSV-2 infection (the HSV-2 seroconversion rate was 5.1 vs. 5.2 per 100 person-years in those who did and did not have preexisting HSV-1 antibody).
And it’s not 80% of population, according to their link. It goes by gender, race and age. [/quote]

Here is the link again since you seem to be confused. It’s from Johns Hopkins and clearly states that between 50 to 80% of the population has herpes 1:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.

Again, no one knows the precise number because it is so ubiquitous and minor. And yes, having type 1 is protective, though not preventative for type 2. Again, this isn’t really known or much studied. There are way more important issues that the medical profession doesn’t know about like cancer and schizophrenia. Herpes is put on the back burner.

[/quote]

There was a different link above that gives more exact stats. Protective in what sense ? You are giving dangerous and unproven ideas about HSV1; those who already carry it might think they ate somehow immune to HSV2, and stop using protection [/quote]

You’re focused on just one study. They is no consensus as to the exact percentage of people who have herpes. Protective in the sense that if you have type 1, you are less likely to get type 2. It’s the same as having a circumcision makes you less likely to get hpv. You can still get it, but the risk is lowered. Herpes is very mild for most people. About 90 percent of people who have genital herpes do not know that they have it. That’s because consistent evidence shows that if you have type 1, even if you get infected with type 2, the infection will be asymptomatic and sub clinical.

https://academic.oup.com/jid/article/185/8/1019/814003

Yes, pretty much everyone has herpes. Doctors do not test for herpes 1. Here’s a Washington Post article that explains it in easy to understand detail:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/11/02/you-probably-have-herpes-but-thats-really-okay/

Stop making a mountain out of mole hill.[/quote]

Wash Post article requires a subscription. I disagree that almost everyone has herpes and no need to test. You cite an older research article from 1994 when this infection was in fact more common. And in fact it states “The seroprevalence of HSV-2 was higher in persons with HSV-1 antibody”. Just the opposite of what you say. hsv1 is just as common the cause of genital herpes as hsv2. The more recent research from 2016 shows it’s now 35% hsv1 positive in white male population, for example. This happened due to raising awareness, testing and anti vitals use. Yes if you add up US totals for all races it’s more than 50%. But people more commonly date within their own race than inter racially. For Asians hsv1 rate it’s under 10% as they tend to date/marry within their race which historically had very low % of hsv.
What I’m trying to say is that people should try to minimize the exposures to infections when dating, and not date based on premise than “everyone has it”. Not everyone has either herpes - I met many people who don’t (I date white men). These people did test regularly and used protection or were in long marriages. In some couples one spouse is positive but they are careful so the other spouse remains negative. I hate it when someone positive tries to present my need to be protected as something abnormal and coerces into types of sex I don’t want at early dating stages, just because they could have an infection.
And hopefully herpes vaccine comes soon.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you PP. Someone who is rationale and has scientific/medical understanding. The paranoia on this site over STIs is astounding.[/quote]

PP has no clue. HSV-1 antibody had no effect on the rate of acquiring HSV-2 infection (the HSV-2 seroconversion rate was 5.1 vs. 5.2 per 100 person-years in those who did and did not have preexisting HSV-1 antibody).
And it’s not 80% of population, according to their link. It goes by gender, race and age. [/quote]

Here is the link again since you seem to be confused. It’s from Johns Hopkins and clearly states that between 50 to 80% of the population has herpes 1:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.

Again, no one knows the precise number because it is so ubiquitous and minor. And yes, having type 1 is protective, though not preventative for type 2. Again, this isn’t really known or much studied. There are way more important issues that the medical profession doesn’t know about like cancer and schizophrenia. Herpes is put on the back burner.

[/quote]

There was a different link above that gives more exact stats. Protective in what sense ? You are giving dangerous and unproven ideas about HSV1; those who already carry it might think they ate somehow immune to HSV2, and stop using protection [/quote]

You’re focused on just one study. They is no consensus as to the exact percentage of people who have herpes. Protective in the sense that if you have type 1, you are less likely to get type 2. It’s the same as having a circumcision makes you less likely to get hpv. You can still get it, but the risk is lowered. Herpes is very mild for most people. About 90 percent of people who have genital herpes do not know that they have it. That’s because consistent evidence shows that if you have type 1, even if you get infected with type 2, the infection will be asymptomatic and sub clinical.

https://academic.oup.com/jid/article/185/8/1019/814003

Yes, pretty much everyone has herpes. Doctors do not test for herpes 1. Here’s a Washington Post article that explains it in easy to understand detail:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/11/02/you-probably-have-herpes-but-thats-really-okay/

Stop making a mountain out of mole hill.[/quote]

Wash Post article requires a subscription. I disagree that almost everyone has herpes and no need to test. You cite an older research article from 1994 when this infection was in fact more common. And in fact it states “The seroprevalence of HSV-2 was higher in persons with HSV-1 antibody”. Just the opposite of what you say. hsv1 is just as common the cause of genital herpes as hsv2. The more recent research from 2016 shows it’s now 35% hsv1 positive in white male population, for example. This happened due to raising awareness, testing and anti vitals use. Yes if you add up US totals for all races it’s more than 50%. But people more commonly date within their own race than inter racially. For Asians hsv1 rate it’s under 10% as they tend to date/marry within their race which historically had very low % of hsv.
What I’m trying to say is that people should try to minimize the exposures to infections when dating, and not date based on premise than “everyone has it”. Not everyone has either herpes - I met many people who don’t (I date white men). These people did test regularly and used protection or were in long marriages. In some couples one spouse is positive but they are careful so the other spouse remains negative. I hate it when someone positive tries to present my need to be protected as something abnormal and coerces into types of sex I don’t want at early dating stages, just because they could have an infection.
And hopefully herpes vaccine comes soon.[/quote]

My doctor wouldn’t even test me for hsv-1 when I asked because she said everyone has it. She’ll only test if a patient has symptoms. (Fyi, I, too am a White woman and date only White men.)

Here are a plethora of more articles about it:

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus

https://www.everydayhealth.com/cold-sores/hsv-1/

https://khealth.com/learn/herpes/statistics/

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/cold-sores

Lady, you are nuts. I’d worry more about that than herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer as a woman who is dating for a little over a year on OLD: no, there is no chance to find an STD-free FWB. Men who seek for a relationship will be offended and will stray. Men who only seek sex will have infections. I bought a toy and vaginal cream, happy like a clam while dating looking for a real connection.

I don't have the time and money to waste on these arrangements take more time and medical check-ups after

You are ridiculous. I have had 5 FWB in last few years and not one had an STI, before/during/after.

Vaginal cream? You mean lube? LOL

[Anonymous]

NP - back to OP's question - I had a FWB for over a year but I started to have real feelings and that kind of wrecked it. He was a divorced dad with kids who I met via kids sport. We'd joke about the struggles of being single parents and the things we "missed" and that led to our becoming FWB's. It was a great solution until it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can meet them online but you have to vet them carefully just like you would if you were dating for any other type of relationship. You do background check, including court records, ask for STD test results. Meet in public several times as dates to see if you have a connection and the vibe is right.

[Anonymous]

To PP - your doctor is wrong. Again, not everyone has herpes, based on publications above and my own experience. It’s easy to test at any lab no pcp visit required, and at least you would know if you shed virus and can protect your partner, if they are negative. I absolutely wouldn’t want to receive oral sex from a partner who’s having an oral herpes until that relationship is a few months in, committed and established. I wouldn’t want to have ONS with untested partners for that reason alone.
No need to call nuts anyone with opinion or sexual behaviors that’s different from yours. About half white men I dated were positive to hsv1 and I continued dating them. A good half were negative to both viruses. Many people acknowledged having breakouts and we took precaution so I remained negative. I would hate if my partner didn’t feel a need to disclose. It could be asymptomatic to some people but very painful, acute and cosmetically noticeable for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer as a woman who is dating for a little over a year on OLD: no, there is no chance to find an STD-free FWB. Men who seek for a relationship will be offended and will stray. Men who only seek sex will have infections. I bought a toy and vaginal cream, happy like a clam while dating looking for a real connection.

I don't have the time and money to waste on these arrangements take more time and medical check-ups after

You are ridiculous. I have had 5 FWB in last few years and not one had an STI, before/during/after.

Vaginal cream? You mean lube? LOL

No - I use an estrogen cream that my obgyn prescribed to prevent vaginal atrophy. I don’t have time to continuously look for new fwb, prescreen them for std, go through cycles of someone catching feelings, getting together, breaking it off, all the hormonal changes along the way etc. Too much hassle for a temporary D. A sex toy + prescription cream addresses the itch without all the human drama. I do have long term (6+ months) relationships. I go for it when there is a mutual falling in love feeling and I see the person really wants me and wants commitment. This adds a layer of stability and I can feel sexually safe and uninhibited with those partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To PP - your doctor is wrong. Again, not everyone has herpes, based on publications above and my own experience. It’s easy to test at any lab no pcp visit required, and at least you would know if you shed virus and can protect your partner, if they are negative. I absolutely wouldn’t want to receive oral sex from a partner who’s having an oral herpes until that relationship is a few months in, committed and established. I wouldn’t want to have ONS with untested partners for that reason alone.
No need to call nuts anyone with opinion or sexual behaviors that’s different from yours. About half white men I dated were positive to hsv1 and I continued dating them. A good half were negative to both viruses. Many people acknowledged having breakouts and we took precaution so I remained negative. I would hate if my partner didn’t feel a need to disclose. It could be asymptomatic to some people but very painful, acute and cosmetically noticeable for others.

Look, insurance will not cover a test for hsv-1 unless you have an outbreak or other symptoms. This is why doctors will not test. There is literally no way that every man you’ve dated got tested for hsv-1 because it’s industry (and insurance) standard to not test for it. Most people do not know they have an hsv-1 infection for this reason: no symptoms, no history and no tests.

I, for one, asked my doctor to test me. She refused. I moved on. I assume I have it because I’ve been exposed a bunch of times, but I’ve never, ever had a cold sore. Most people don’t get them.

I’m saying you’re crazy because you are. You are obsessed by a common condition that most adults have, one that is so common that it’s not tested for. (I’ve sent you numerous articles stating this fact, but you chose to ignore them.) And then you make up lies about all the men you’ve ever kissed somehow bypassing insurance and doctors to test for it. Get help. You need it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To PP - your doctor is wrong. Again, not everyone has herpes, based on publications above and my own experience. It’s easy to test at any lab no pcp visit required, and at least you would know if you shed virus and can protect your partner, if they are negative. I absolutely wouldn’t want to receive oral sex from a partner who’s having an oral herpes until that relationship is a few months in, committed and established. I wouldn’t want to have ONS with untested partners for that reason alone.
No need to call nuts anyone with opinion or sexual behaviors that’s different from yours. About half white men I dated were positive to hsv1 and I continued dating them. A good half were negative to both viruses. Many people acknowledged having breakouts and we took precaution so I remained negative. I would hate if my partner didn’t feel a need to disclose. It could be asymptomatic to some people but very painful, acute and cosmetically noticeable for others.

Look, insurance will not cover a test for hsv-1 unless you have an outbreak or other symptoms. This is why doctors will not test. There is literally no way that every man you’ve dated got tested for hsv-1 because it’s industry (and insurance) standard to not test for it. Most people do not know they have an hsv-1 infection for this reason: no symptoms, no history and no tests.

I, for one, asked my doctor to test me. She refused. I moved on. I assume I have it because I’ve been exposed a bunch of times, but I’ve never, ever had a cold sore. Most people don’t get them.

I’m saying you’re crazy because you are. You are obsessed by a common condition that most adults have, one that is so common that it’s not tested for. (I’ve sent you numerous articles stating this fact, but you chose to ignore them.) And then you make up lies about all the men you’ve ever kissed somehow bypassing insurance and doctors to test for it. Get help. You need it!

I don’t know where you live but most insurance plans in my area cover herpes testing at no charge at least once a year at a preventative annual obgyn screening. Mine covered 3 tests last year. It’s $30 outside insurance which is not a big cost to most people. I don’t kiss tons of men, and those I planned to sleep with got tested and shared the results. It’s 50:50 chance a person would have it for hsv1; never met anyone hsv2 positive so far.

Maybe it’s time for you to try another doctor. And stop being hateful towards people who take care of their health and their partners health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To PP - your doctor is wrong. Again, not everyone has herpes, based on publications above and my own experience. It’s easy to test at any lab no pcp visit required, and at least you would know if you shed virus and can protect your partner, if they are negative. I absolutely wouldn’t want to receive oral sex from a partner who’s having an oral herpes until that relationship is a few months in, committed and established. I wouldn’t want to have ONS with untested partners for that reason alone.
No need to call nuts anyone with opinion or sexual behaviors that’s different from yours. About half white men I dated were positive to hsv1 and I continued dating them. A good half were negative to both viruses. Many people acknowledged having breakouts and we took precaution so I remained negative. I would hate if my partner didn’t feel a need to disclose. It could be asymptomatic to some people but very painful, acute and cosmetically noticeable for others.

Look, insurance will not cover a test for hsv-1 unless you have an outbreak or other symptoms. This is why doctors will not test. There is literally no way that every man you’ve dated got tested for hsv-1 because it’s industry (and insurance) standard to not test for it. Most people do not know they have an hsv-1 infection for this reason: no symptoms, no history and no tests.

I, for one, asked my doctor to test me. She refused. I moved on. I assume I have it because I’ve been exposed a bunch of times, but I’ve never, ever had a cold sore. Most people don’t get them.

I’m saying you’re crazy because you are. You are obsessed by a common condition that most adults have, one that is so common that it’s not tested for. (I’ve sent you numerous articles stating this fact, but you chose to ignore them.) And then you make up lies about all the men you’ve ever kissed somehow bypassing insurance and doctors to test for it. Get help. You need it!

I don’t know where you live but most insurance plans in my area cover herpes testing at no charge at least once a year at a preventative annual obgyn screening. Mine covered 3 tests last year. It’s $30 outside insurance which is not a big cost to most people. I don’t kiss tons of men, and those I planned to sleep with got tested and shared the results. It’s 50:50 chance a person would have it for hsv1; never met anyone hsv2 positive so far.

Maybe it’s time for you to try another doctor. And stop being hateful towards people who take care of their health and their partners health.

Insurance tests for herpes 2, not herpes 1!!!

Get help!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To PP - your doctor is wrong. Again, not everyone has herpes, based on publications above and my own experience. It’s easy to test at any lab no pcp visit required, and at least you would know if you shed virus and can protect your partner, if they are negative. I absolutely wouldn’t want to receive oral sex from a partner who’s having an oral herpes until that relationship is a few months in, committed and established. I wouldn’t want to have ONS with untested partners for that reason alone.
No need to call nuts anyone with opinion or sexual behaviors that’s different from yours. About half white men I dated were positive to hsv1 and I continued dating them. A good half were negative to both viruses. Many people acknowledged having breakouts and we took precaution so I remained negative. I would hate if my partner didn’t feel a need to disclose. It could be asymptomatic to some people but very painful, acute and cosmetically noticeable for others.

Look, insurance will not cover a test for hsv-1 unless you have an outbreak or other symptoms. This is why doctors will not test. There is literally no way that every man you’ve dated got tested for hsv-1 because it’s industry (and insurance) standard to not test for it. Most people do not know they have an hsv-1 infection for this reason: no symptoms, no history and no tests.

I, for one, asked my doctor to test me. She refused. I moved on. I assume I have it because I’ve been exposed a bunch of times, but I’ve never, ever had a cold sore. Most people don’t get them.

I’m saying you’re crazy because you are. You are obsessed by a common condition that most adults have, one that is so common that it’s not tested for. (I’ve sent you numerous articles stating this fact, but you chose to ignore them.) And then you make up lies about all the men you’ve ever kissed somehow bypassing insurance and doctors to test for it. Get help. You need it!

I don’t know where you live but most insurance plans in my area cover herpes testing at no charge at least once a year at a preventative annual obgyn screening. Mine covered 3 tests last year. It’s $30 outside insurance which is not a big cost to most people. I don’t kiss tons of men, and those I planned to sleep with got tested and shared the results. It’s 50:50 chance a person would have it for hsv1; never met anyone hsv2 positive so far.

Maybe it’s time for you to try another doctor. And stop being hateful towards people who take care of their health and their partners health.

Insurance tests for herpes 2, not herpes 1!!!

Get help!!!!

It tests both upon request all covered

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer as a woman who is dating for a little over a year on OLD: no, there is no chance to find an STD-free FWB. Men who seek for a relationship will be offended and will stray. Men who only seek sex will have infections. I bought a toy and vaginal cream, happy like a clam while dating looking for a real connection.

I don't have the time and money to waste on these arrangements take more time and medical check-ups after

You are ridiculous. I have had 5 FWB in last few years and not one had an STI, before/during/after.

Vaginal cream? You mean lube? LOL

Hahaha no that you know of. All the potential FWB I tried had an STD. It’s scary out there and unless someone is being honest with you and you are testing you don’t always know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer as a woman who is dating for a little over a year on OLD: no, there is no chance to find an STD-free FWB. Men who seek for a relationship will be offended and will stray. Men who only seek sex will have infections. I bought a toy and vaginal cream, happy like a clam while dating looking for a real connection.

I don't have the time and money to waste on these arrangements take more time and medical check-ups after

You are ridiculous. I have had 5 FWB in last few years and not one had an STI, before/during/after.

Vaginal cream? You mean lube? LOL

No - I use an estrogen cream that my obgyn prescribed to prevent vaginal atrophy. I don’t have time to continuously look for new fwb, prescreen them for std, go through cycles of someone catching feelings, getting together, breaking it off, all the hormonal changes along the way etc. Too much hassle for a temporary D. A sex toy + prescription cream addresses the itch without all the human drama. I do have long term (6+ months) relationships. I go for it when there is a mutual falling in love feeling and I see the person really wants me and wants commitment. This adds a layer of stability and I can feel sexually safe and uninhibited with those partners.

Continuously look for them? My current one has lasted two years thus far..... I am not sure what hormonal changes you are talking about, either. Anyway, why are you responding if you have no knowledge of finding a FWB. Who cares if you aren't interested?

OP, if you are still reading after PP derailed this, go on Bumble and say you are looking for casual. Do the bacground check, both get tested, and have fun.