Post Divorce Relationships

[Anonymous]

I would be careful, OP. There is no reason to believe he doesn't mean every bit of what he's saying. It's okay for you to like the idea of getting married again someday. So if you want to keep it light for now, or break up with him if you don't think you can. Either way you should operate with the understanding that your current goals are not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM,

I got divorced a year ago, and I’ve been dating a sweet and kind person that also recently divorced.

We are exclusive and for the most part, the relationship is lighthearted. We text all day, joke around, watch movies, hang out with friends, hit up Costco. Nothing super intense. We don’t have a TON of things in common, but enough for us to feel emotionally & physically attached. Sometimes our differences are significant, and other times our differences are what keeps the relationship interesting.

…Which brings me to my point. He recently told me he will not marry anyone with kids. I’ve got 2 kids and he has 1.

I’m not looking for marriage NOW… but someday, I’d like to be married again. I’m 41. I would love to be married at 47 or 48. So obviously that’s a ways away.

In the meantime, I’m struggling with my boyfriend’s firm position on not marrying anyone with kids.

I don’t want to marry anyone any time soon. I love my bf but I’m not head over heels. It’s a sweet, loving, simple relationship. Do I end the relationship because our ultimate goals don’t align?

You have been divorced only a year and you already love someone eise wow...

[Anonymous]

Can you just take it easy and have fun?

[Anonymous]

Op, you want a good marriage next time. And you want a larger set of experiences under your belt.

You may not want to spend 3 years with this man, but he sounds like a reasonable transition for a year. Then, on to new ones who may be more marriage-minded.

[Anonymous]

You've been divorced for one year.
You have children.

Slow the F down. You shouldn't marry for a LONG time.

[Anonymous]

You are right. I feel pressure due to my age. I am 41 and I feel like the pool of marriageable men will shrink a lot as I get older. I’d say that’s the greatest source of my anxiety. My age. But I just have to take things a day at a time and not worry about being old and gray by myself someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway....getting back to OP, do you have a good friend or a therapist you can talk to? The responses here are always so needlessly rude and nasty but I don't think that's representative of the real world. I think you'd get much kinder and more appropriate responses from someone who knows you. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking these questions and I've already posted above with my thoughts.

Telling her directly and what it’s right is not rude. You are rude for only thinking of yourself with putting harmony over truth because it makes you feel better.

Maybe learn the difference between direct and rude, I don't know.

Maybe you shouldn’t assume direct as being rude. I do know.

[Anonymous]

I can kind of see his point. He's basically done with the day-to-day parenting and now he can be free and not tied down with young kids. I'm in a similar position, as my kid is in high school and my boyfriend has young kids. I don't especially want to start over and parent his kids now that I'm so close to the finish line. I get my freedom in four years, freedom to live wherever I want and travel and maybe not work full time. My BF doesn't want to remarry anyway so at some point we'll break up.

I'm sorry but this probably isn't going anywhere long term for you, or at least not to marriage.

[Anonymous]

He knows her desperation to get married.

[Anonymous]

OP -don’t waste your time. It’s easier for women to date in your age than later. You can meet tons of guys who would be better aligned with you.
Plus, it’s an offensive statement to me. As if you are second sort option and he’ll keep shopping. Not particular inspiring in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right. I feel pressure due to my age. I am 41 and I feel like the pool of marriageable men will shrink a lot as I get older. I’d say that’s the greatest source of my anxiety. My age. But I just have to take things a day at a time and not worry about being old and gray by myself someday.

You are not exactly marriageable yourself. Lots of red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right. I feel pressure due to my age. I am 41 and I feel like the pool of marriageable men will shrink a lot as I get older. I’d say that’s the greatest source of my anxiety. My age. But I just have to take things a day at a time and not worry about being old and gray by myself someday.

You obviously do not get marriage even if this were your second time at it if this is how you look at it. Don’t make a man your next victim.

[Anonymous]

This guy is a jerk who is wasting your time. LEAVE HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He told me, if it wasn’t for my kids, he would want to marry me. He doesn’t want the struggle that comes with blending families. His son is almost 18 and mine are 8 and 10. I’m torn between “enjoying the moment” but also thinking of the future…

Maybe you should date others.

But do you want to, right now?

You already have kids. It's not like your biological clock is ticking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy is a jerk who is wasting your time. LEAVE HIM.

No, he is not wasting her time. He told her he was not interested in marrying her. She is just profoundly desperate and she admitted she wasn’t in love.