Post Divorce Relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

You called her gross so don't speak to me about mental illness. In fact, don't speak at all if you're going to call women gross.

No one called anyone gross except you. And you don’t like anyone calling someone gross but you did.

YOUR WORDS

"How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross."

Again, didn’t call her gross. Bold your comment where you did in fact call someone gross.

Oh ok, we're playing semantics now. Posters like you are just exhausting. Nothing of substance to contribute because you're just dumb. You just come on DCUM to be rude and hateful because it's anonymous. This woman asked for help. Your instinct is to attack her and belittle her. But sure, I'm wrong.

NP.
What is your rant with calling people dumb as contributing to anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

You called her gross so don't speak to me about mental illness. In fact, don't speak at all if you're going to call women gross.

No one called anyone gross except you. And you don’t like anyone calling someone gross but you did.

YOUR WORDS

"How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross."

Again, didn’t call her gross. Bold your comment where you did in fact call someone gross.

Oh ok, we're playing semantics now. Posters like you are just exhausting. Nothing of substance to contribute because you're just dumb. You just come on DCUM to be rude and hateful because it's anonymous. This woman asked for help. Your instinct is to attack her and belittle her. But sure, I'm wrong.

More name calling from the hypocrite who says others can’t do that.

See! You have no substance or original thought. Bye.

Hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

You called her gross so don't speak to me about mental illness. In fact, don't speak at all if you're going to call women gross.

No one called anyone gross except you. And you don’t like anyone calling someone gross but you did.

YOUR WORDS

"How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross."

Again, didn’t call her gross. Bold your comment where you did in fact call someone gross.

Oh ok, we're playing semantics now. Posters like you are just exhausting. Nothing of substance to contribute because you're just dumb. You just come on DCUM to be rude and hateful because it's anonymous. This woman asked for help. Your instinct is to attack her and belittle her. But sure, I'm wrong.

More name calling from the hypocrite who says others can’t do that.

See! You have no substance or original thought. Bye.

The irony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she said she's fixated on marrying this particular man. She just wants in theory to get married again when the circumstances are right. Her question seems to be whether she needs to end this specific relationship and any subsequent one in which the man says he will not marry someone with children. I presume that this means children living at home. It would be odd for him to not want to marry someone whose child is an independent adult.

Op here. Yes, you said it well! I am enjoying the short term relationship but wondering if it’s not wise to invest more time given my ultimate goal to settle down with someone someday.

Why don’t you worry about taking care of your kids as your ultimate goal?

Are you saying I can’t have marriage as an ultimate goal as a divorced mom?

Why don’t you think a little deeper? I know that is hard for you, but try.

[Anonymous]

You’re both newly divorced and you say you are in no rush. Give it some time!

[Anonymous]

Anyway....getting back to OP, do you have a good friend or a therapist you can talk to? The responses here are always so needlessly rude and nasty but I don't think that's representative of the real world. I think you'd get much kinder and more appropriate responses from someone who knows you. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking these questions and I've already posted above with my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she said she's fixated on marrying this particular man. She just wants in theory to get married again when the circumstances are right. Her question seems to be whether she needs to end this specific relationship and any subsequent one in which the man says he will not marry someone with children. I presume that this means children living at home. It would be odd for him to not want to marry someone whose child is an independent adult.

Op here. Yes, you said it well! I am enjoying the short term relationship but wondering if it’s not wise to invest more time given my ultimate goal to settle down with someone someday.

Why don’t you worry about taking care of your kids as your ultimate goal?

Are you saying I can’t have marriage as an ultimate goal as a divorced mom?

When the time is right with the right person. It’s obvious that doesn’t even occur to you which is pathetic. No snark, you need to be told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyway....getting back to OP, do you have a good friend or a therapist you can talk to? The responses here are always so needlessly rude and nasty but I don't think that's representative of the real world. I think you'd get much kinder and more appropriate responses from someone who knows you. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking these questions and I've already posted above with my thoughts.

Telling her directly and what it’s right is not rude. You are rude for only thinking of yourself with putting harmony over truth because it makes you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He told me, if it wasn’t for my kids, he would want to marry me. He doesn’t want the struggle that comes with blending families. His son is almost 18 and mine are 8 and 10. I’m torn between “enjoying the moment” but also thinking of the future…

Hmm.

Sounds like he knows his limits, of care and caring for kids.

But what a rude comment, true or ruse: I’d marry you now if not for XYZ (your children).

And did you say you DONT have much in common. Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway....getting back to OP, do you have a good friend or a therapist you can talk to? The responses here are always so needlessly rude and nasty but I don't think that's representative of the real world. I think you'd get much kinder and more appropriate responses from someone who knows you. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking these questions and I've already posted above with my thoughts.

Telling her directly and what it’s right is not rude. You are rude for only thinking of yourself with putting harmony over truth because it makes you feel better.

Maybe learn the difference between direct and rude, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think she said she's fixated on marrying this particular man. She just wants in theory to get married again when the circumstances are right. Her question seems to be whether she needs to end this specific relationship and any subsequent one in which the man says he will not marry someone with children. I presume that this means children living at home. It would be odd for him to not want to marry someone whose child is an independent adult.

Op here. Yes, you said it well! I am enjoying the short term relationship but wondering if it’s not wise to invest more time given my ultimate goal to settle down with someone someday.

Why don’t you worry about taking care of your kids as your ultimate goal?

Are you saying I can’t have marriage as an ultimate goal as a divorced mom?

When the time is right with the right person. It’s obvious that doesn’t even occur to you which is pathetic. No snark, you need to be told.

What’s wrong with you? There’s a social contract here on this website where we agree to post the crap we are struggling with to anonymous readers with the hope of getting insight, perspectives & advice. What’s the point of being rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He told me, if it wasn’t for my kids, he would want to marry me. He doesn’t want the struggle that comes with blending families. His son is almost 18 and mine are 8 and 10. I’m torn between “enjoying the moment” but also thinking of the future…

Hmm.

Sounds like he knows his limits, of care and caring for kids.

But what a rude comment, true or ruse: I’d marry you now if not for XYZ (your children).

And did you say you DONT have much in common. Hmm.

I said we don’t have a ton in common. But certainly we have things in common. We have differences in our upbringing that makes things interesting and also sometimes challenging. He immigrated here as an adult and I did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re both newly divorced and you say you are in no rush. Give it some time!

+1 it’s a new relationship so see how it goes. Your kids are at a tough age and getting very serious now could blow up on you. It doesn’t sound like he’s the love of your life but he may be a nice way point on your journey to find that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM,

I got divorced a year ago, and I’ve been dating a sweet and kind person that also recently divorced.

We are exclusive and for the most part, the relationship is lighthearted. We text all day, joke around, watch movies, hang out with friends, hit up Costco. Nothing super intense. We don’t have a TON of things in common, but enough for us to feel emotionally & physically attached. Sometimes our differences are significant, and other times our differences are what keeps the relationship interesting.

…Which brings me to my point. He recently told me he will not marry anyone with kids. I’ve got 2 kids and he has 1.

I’m not looking for marriage NOW… but someday, I’d like to be married again. I’m 41. I would love to be married at 47 or 48. So obviously that’s a ways away.

In the meantime, I’m struggling with my boyfriend’s firm position on not marrying anyone with kids.

I don’t want to marry anyone any time soon. I love my bf but I’m not head over heels. It’s a sweet, loving, simple relationship. Do I end the relationship because our ultimate goals don’t align?

Well, if you choose to continue, don't expect him to change his mind.

Also beware the vast majority of men in his situation will feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He told me, if it wasn’t for my kids, he would want to marry me. He doesn’t want the struggle that comes with blending families. His son is almost 18 and mine are 8 and 10. I’m torn between “enjoying the moment” but also thinking of the future…

yeah I've heard that one.

If you were only Jewish, I'd marry you.

If you were only childless, I'd marry you tomorrow.

If you were only moving to Florida with me next month, I'd marry you.

If you were only a nurse or secretary, i'd marry you.