Post Divorce Relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

+1. On top of her saying they don’t have much in common, there are significant difference, and she is not head over heels. She is addicted to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

I think you need clarification. If you've been in a bad marriage, then you understand that while marriage can provide safety, stability and security, it can also provide chaos, instability, and insecurity. Maybe you like the idea of marriage, but not the reality? Second marriages with kids are always harder than first marriages because you have divided loyalties and conflicting priorities. Being a strong, single woman with a great group of girlfriends and a man who you can take or leave is going to give you more safety, stability, and security than marriage. Marriage is risky, especially later in life.

This is so helpful. I’m indeed drawn to the idea of marriage. The reality is terrifying, especially since my divorce was traumatic (divorce due to adultery). But there were years that were good, which reinforces my feeling that marriage is something I should strive for again.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that he means he doesn't want to marry someone who still has kids living at home or dependent on her?

I'm dating someone who has a 16-yr-old girl at home. My child and his oldest are over 18 and live in other cities/states. I can say that still having a kid living at home does have real implications for the new relationship and I could see why he'd feel this way. If I could wave a magic wand, I'd age his youngest kid by a few years and have her out on her own already. This is mainly because his co-parenting with his Ex wife means lots of drama that I'd skip if I could. It means he still has to interact with the ex over money, schedules, and parenting stuff, and the ex's values and behaviors have to be dealt with as part of being with him. Also, kids, especially teens, will almost always play their parents off one another, and it's painful as well as annoying to watch this happening. Of course, as the non-parent, I can't and shouldn't offer any opinions on how he's parenting his own child, but his choices often end up impacting me. However, all of this is probably already happening during your dating phase, so it seems a bit odd that he'd be willing to date you but not marry you because of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

Yeah, for not trying to marry someone who I’m not in love with and bring them into my children’s lives. Okay, you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

+1. On top of her saying they don’t have much in common, there are significant difference, and she is not head over heels. She is addicted to marriage.

Can't win on this site. If a woman wants a casual hookup once in a while she is slut shamed. If she craves the stability of a marriage, she is addicted to marriage which is also wrong. Which is it? Oh I know, she should stay celibate and alone just to please some incel online.

OP, don't listen to this loser. If you wish to be married one day as you say when you're 48-49 there is nothing wrong with that. This guy is sort of safe for now, but he is not the one. You should date, enjoy your friends, get to know yourself now again as a 41 one year old. Learn what YOU want in a partner. Then set a goal of meeting someone who you want to marry and spend your life with. It's possible and I wish you all the good vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

I think you need clarification. If you've been in a bad marriage, then you understand that while marriage can provide safety, stability and security, it can also provide chaos, instability, and insecurity. Maybe you like the idea of marriage, but not the reality? Second marriages with kids are always harder than first marriages because you have divided loyalties and conflicting priorities. Being a strong, single woman with a great group of girlfriends and a man who you can take or leave is going to give you more safety, stability, and security than marriage. Marriage is risky, especially later in life.

This is so helpful. I’m indeed drawn to the idea of marriage. The reality is terrifying, especially since my divorce was traumatic (divorce due to adultery). But there were years that were good, which reinforces my feeling that marriage is something I should strive for again.

When your children are older, when you’ve been divorced long enough, when you are in love, when you have commonality with the person. How about when those things happen? Not get married just to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Addicted implies that the thing she's addicted to is bad and harmful. I'm not sure that marriage is universally considered a bad and harmful thing.

She's only 40 FFS. She's young. She's got another 40 years of life. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in partnership with someone romantically at age 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

You called her gross so don't speak to me about mental illness. In fact, don't speak at all if you're going to call women gross.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Guys, I’m human. I’m confused. I literally don’t know how to date. I’ve only known marriage and I understand that I married at a relatively young age. I love my boyfriend- just saying we are not like a 99 percent match. More like 75%.

I’m not saying I want him to marry me. I just thought he held it as a possibility in his mind. I saw myself potentially marrying him, depending on how our relationship grew. I’m not nuts- I don’t want to rush into marriage. I like the idea of being married in my late 40s, which is like 7 years away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

Um, the op is even questioning the relationship, so that would lend to pp being right. Duh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if I want to eventually get married again, I should only date men who say they also want to get married?

I’m so incredibly new to dating. In fact I’ve only had a handful of relationships. My marriage lasted 16 yrs. I just don’t know how to balance the need for a light hearted relationship in the present with a long term goal of getting married again.

I equate marriage with safety, stability, security. But I’m also terrified of marriage given the hell I went through in divorce. So ultimately I’m just confused.

How could your marriage last 16 years if you got divorced at 40? Were you married at just 24? No one at that age gets married in their early 20’s now? Of course, you’re divorced if this is true. I’m older than that and I knew to never, ever get married at such a young age.

How is this even remotely helpful? Do you have a time travel machine she can borrow?

How is it helpful that she wants to remarry and can’t seem to be without a spouse. It is apparent she has very poor judgment and her children are still so young. This is gross.

You're the only gross one here.

love how when someone is right and the offender just insults because they it.

Who said you're right?

There is nothing wrong with what I said and you know it or you have mental illness.

What logic!