Mom antidepressant use linked to having less help from parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

Did you ever open your mouth to ask her to hold the baby or you just prefer to whine. Maybe she didn't help because you criticized everything she did.

A young couple lived on our street and they had a 3 year old and she was pregnant. The same week she came home from hospital, I prepared a simple, but complete dinner--rotisserie chicken, broccoli (prepared and ready to cook in microwave), salad, French bread (buttered and wrapped in aluminum foil) and a pint of strawberry Haagen Das and delivered it to them. It was refused because the
broccoli and salad were not organic. I never offered to help her again. She was equally rude to two other neighbors. Maybe it's your fault.

Np. Who would ask a MIL for help? It’s just so rude to me. Help should be offered and never asked for. I refuse to beg for help.

Ask and ye shall receive. Only a fool refuses to ask for help when there is a need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I chose to move to Fairfax County near my parents and it’s my #1 parenting hack.

Opposite. My favorite hack is that my parents moved to my neighborhood. They were upset we weren’t having kids. I said we’d have kids if you move here. They did move immediately and we had three kids.

Ha! I also moved to be closer to family and it has been amazing. Then when they need help as they are getting older I will be here to provide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Wrong. I am not a boomer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Are some of you people too young to know any other generation? My Silent Generation in-laws never helped us and none of my Greatest Generation grandparent helped raise us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Are some of you people too young to know any other generation? My Silent Generation in-laws never helped us and none of my Greatest Generation grandparent helped raise us.

^ forgot to add the only people have helped us are my Boomer parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

Did you ever open your mouth to ask her to hold the baby or you just prefer to whine. Maybe she didn't help because you criticized everything she did.

A young couple lived on our street and they had a 3 year old and she was pregnant. The same week she came home from hospital, I prepared a simple, but complete dinner--rotisserie chicken, broccoli (prepared and ready to cook in microwave), salad, French bread (buttered and wrapped in aluminum foil) and a pint of strawberry Haagen Das and delivered it to them. It was refused because the
broccoli and salad were not organic. I never offered to help her again. She was equally rude to two other neighbors. Maybe it's your fault.

Np. Who would ask a MIL for help? It’s just so rude to me. Help should be offered and never asked for. I refuse to beg for help.

How bizarre. She's probably had her head bitten off too many times and knows better than to offer. Some don't want anyone to touch the baby. The only help they want is to someone to offer to do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Or she's been told she's doing it all wrong. If you want help, you sometimes have to ask. "Linda would you mind holding the baby for a minute so I can eat?" So easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

Did you ever open your mouth to ask her to hold the baby or you just prefer to whine. Maybe she didn't help because you criticized everything she did.

A young couple lived on our street and they had a 3 year old and she was pregnant. The same week she came home from hospital, I prepared a simple, but complete dinner--rotisserie chicken, broccoli (prepared and ready to cook in microwave), salad, French bread (buttered and wrapped in aluminum foil) and a pint of strawberry Haagen Das and delivered it to them. It was refused because the
broccoli and salad were not organic. I never offered to help her again. She was equally rude to two other neighbors. Maybe it's your fault.

Np. Who would ask a MIL for help? It’s just so rude to me. Help should be offered and never asked for. I refuse to beg for help.

How bizarre. She's probably had her head bitten off too many times and knows better than to offer. Some don't want anyone to touch the baby. The only help they want is to someone to offer to do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Or she's been told she's doing it all wrong. If you want help, you sometimes have to ask. "Linda would you mind holding the baby for a minute so I can eat?" So easy.

But if she asks and MIL helps then she won't be able to complain and whine!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like millennials think women are pathetic if they want to be SAHMs and also pathetic if DON’T want to be SAHG.

No wonder so many of ya’ll think you’re “doing it all” - you’re actually guilting your own mommy or MIL into doing lots of it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

You just described how I felt, only with me it was my sister, who I thought I was close with. We all lived in the same house and she did not work (she is a failure to launch). We got more help from the lovely employees at Costco than we ever got from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Are some of you people too young to know any other generation? My Silent Generation in-laws never helped us and none of my Greatest Generation grandparent helped raise us.

DP. You are being too literal. I think bt “Boomer” that PP means “very old person.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Are some of you people too young to know any other generation? My Silent Generation in-laws never helped us and none of my Greatest Generation grandparent helped raise us.

DP. You are being too literal. I think bt “Boomer” that PP means “very old person.”

*by, not bt

I don’t think they care about their specific dob.

[Anonymous]

Don't wait until your late 30s/40s to have kids if you expect help from grandparents. Lo. Y'all think people are going to help care for your toddler in their late 70s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

Did you ever open your mouth to ask her to hold the baby or you just prefer to whine. Maybe she didn't help because you criticized everything she did.

A young couple lived on our street and they had a 3 year old and she was pregnant. The same week she came home from hospital, I prepared a simple, but complete dinner--rotisserie chicken, broccoli (prepared and ready to cook in microwave), salad, French bread (buttered and wrapped in aluminum foil) and a pint of strawberry Haagen Das and delivered it to them. It was refused because the
broccoli and salad were not organic. I never offered to help her again. She was equally rude to two other neighbors. Maybe it's your fault.

Oh, this is so kind and thoughtful of you! My neighbors in my old neighborhood did a meal train after our baby was born and I still tear up with gratitude whenever I think about it. I’m sorry you have such a disappointment of a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I chose to move to Fairfax County near my parents and it’s my #1 parenting hack.

Opposite. My favorite hack is that my parents moved to my neighborhood. They were upset we weren’t having kids. I said we’d have kids if you move here. They did move immediately and we had three kids.

I love this! I hope you are enjoying lots of warm family together time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

You rear and educate your children to be independent and this means if you are old enough to decide to have children then you should be financially responsible enough to afford them. This means that if you are not going to stay at home with them then you should have the financial resources to pay for their needs.

This is typical boomer

Are some of you people too young to know any other generation? My Silent Generation in-laws never helped us and none of my Greatest Generation grandparent helped raise us.

DP. You are being too literal. I think bt “Boomer” that PP means “very old person.”

Then PP needs to communicate better, but I don’t think she actually means old. I think she means what she says which is ridiculous.