Mom antidepressant use linked to having less help from parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]not at all shocking

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/health/grandparents-mother-depression-study-wellness/index.html

[/b]


OMG. So we can BLAME EVERYONE for our inadequacies? What every happened to "be better; do it; learn; sacrifice for your children., etc."

Some of all that is good.

And some of it is 100% unrealistic.

Look at parenting throughout distant history. The way we do it now is really different than the way it was done for a very long time. As recently as 19th century England moms were kicking their 2 year olds outside to run with the neighborhood pack and basically only directly supervised their young toddlers and babies during the day (while they, admittedly, did a lot of very hands-on work to keep the household running). Standards for cleanliness were much lower before machines for cleaning. People had lots of kids because kids helped the family economy within several years, whereas today a kid will literally never help your family's financial status.

+1. Everyone is a victim in our liberal society today, No one can be an adult and pick up and deal with their familial responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the window for “grandparent help” is small these days…they have to be old enough not to be working FT yet young enough to be capable kwim?

In our case, my parents were still young enough to be working FT when my kids were small- and DH’s were quite elderly already and not up to helping care for small kids.

Both sets of our parents had a lot of help- but the grandmothers did not work, and were younger.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. My parents were in their early-60s when my kids were born, and even though they were still working and not nearby, they visited often and I could count on them. I was almost 40 when my youngest was born; if he doesn't have kids until he's 40, then I'll be 80 when they're born. My mom is 80 now. There is no way that she can help me in any meaningful way, even though she is a perfectly healthy 80-year-old.

[Anonymous]

When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Did you even read the data? It doesn't seem statistically relevant to me.

Not helpful, except to pit more women against women. Those who stay married v. those who don't. Those grandmas who live close to grandchildren v. those who don't. So tired of this BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I read one of these whiny, eye-rolling millennial threads, I so thank the stars that I was born a GenXer and know how to function in life.

What does that mean? That you rejected parental help or didn't have it? I think the "whiny" millenials know how to function and knew how to function very early on in life due to not having help...

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]not at all shocking

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/health/grandparents-mother-depression-study-wellness/index.html

[/b]


OMG. So we can BLAME EVERYONE for our inadequacies? What every happened to "be better; do it; learn; sacrifice for your children., etc."

Some of all that is good.

And some of it is 100% unrealistic.

Look at parenting throughout distant history. The way we do it now is really different than the way it was done for a very long time. As recently as 19th century England moms were kicking their 2 year olds outside to run with the neighborhood pack and basically only directly supervised their young toddlers and babies during the day (while they, admittedly, did a lot of very hands-on work to keep the household running). Standards for cleanliness were much lower before machines for cleaning. People had lots of kids because kids helped the family economy within several years, whereas today a kid will literally never help your family's financial status.

+1. Everyone is a victim in our liberal society today, No one can be an adult and pick up and deal with their familial responsibilities.

Honest to God. Just stop whining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When not helping is a choice, yeah, it definitely stings.

I've had acquaintances who, when my baby fussed while I was wrangling a toddler and thus cannot tend to baby, would drop what they were doing and lend a hand at distracting the baby. We've all had moments like that, and the extra hand is so appreciated.

Contrast that to my MIL who'd watch me struggle with the baby and toddler and not lift a finger. It's definitely a choice. Forget babysitting, just the basic decent thing that a person can do for a parent who's having a challenging moment. If she'd said, here, let me hold the baby for 5 minutes so you can get a bite while your food is still warm, I'd have wept with gratitude.

Where is the baby's father? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was young and not working when we had our twins but her help had strings attached. Basically if she helped us the our twins, then we owed her to ‘take care of her’ when she got old and was no longer independent!

So you want to take from your parents and not give anything in return. Amazing.

[Anonymous]

The same people who are all about the *boundaries* and who reject any duty to family wonder why grandparents don’t help more?

Look, I wish my parents or in-laws helped more, but they don’t. They are high living that boomer lifestyle.

American life atomizes the family unit. Not much you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same people who are all about the *boundaries* and who reject any duty to family wonder why grandparents don’t help more?

Look, I wish my parents or in-laws helped more, but they don’t. They are high living that boomer lifestyle.

American life atomizes the family unit. Not much you can do about it.

I know fantastic American grandparents and absentee ones. It's not even about help as much as it is about care, interest and loving in whatever ways you can. Some people just are not that kind and just don't want to know the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]not at all shocking

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/health/grandparents-mother-depression-study-wellness/index.html

[/b]


OMG. So we can BLAME EVERYONE for our inadequacies? What every happened to "be better; do it; learn; sacrifice for your children., etc."

Some of all that is good.

And some of it is 100% unrealistic.

Look at parenting throughout distant history. The way we do it now is really different than the way it was done for a very long time. As recently as 19th century England moms were kicking their 2 year olds outside to run with the neighborhood pack and basically only directly supervised their young toddlers and babies during the day (while they, admittedly, did a lot of very hands-on work to keep the household running). Standards for cleanliness were much lower before machines for cleaning. People had lots of kids because kids helped the family economy within several years, whereas today a kid will literally never help your family's financial status.

+1. Everyone is a victim in our liberal society today, No one can be an adult and pick up and deal with their familial responsibilities.

Honest to God. Just stop whining

+1. STOP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is helpful. I wonder if things will trend in a more multi generational way. My guess is not because I think we’ll hit baby busy first. Many older adults in America are working.

My mom can be a real pain but it does help.

Stop complaining. It's free help and YOU chose to have children, didn't you? Your mom did not force you to have them and what could be be more of a pain than an ungrateful, whining daughter.

Women today are well educated and make good salaries and you should be hiring help rather than guilting your mothers to give up their lives to do your bidding, particularly as in your ungrateful case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not at all shocking

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/health/grandparents-mother-depression-study-wellness/index.html

It is not your parents responsibility to take care of your children. Do not have them if you can't take care of them or if you can't afford to pay for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

We are “Boomer“ parents, and we are basically coparenting our grandchildren. We do it because we love our children and we love our grandchildren and we are a close and united family.

I bet your parents don’t help you because you’re so damned nasty. You come on every single thread to attack an entire generation. Clearly the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was young and not working when we had our twins but her help had strings attached. Basically if she helped us the our twins, then we owed her to ‘take care of her’ when she got old and was no longer independent!

So what’s the problem? This sounds perfectly fair.