Messy husband, won’t clean
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I had similar issues with my husband . Read the book fair play . I made my invisible work visible to him . I used the chore chart method a Pp suggested , it helps . I also outsource things like poplin will do laundry and drop it back to you next day . I hire a home helper to come and do dishes if I’m sick . I have cleaners twice a month . He hates how much this all costs but I just shove it back in his face and say you do the work then ? It’s not perfect but it got better with more “me time” at night . I also don’t over entertain , make him do his own laundry and I don’t deal with his family at all anymore . |
Anonymous
There are many projects that are huge jobs around the house in terms of maintenance. Sure, they may be one and done projects, but the amount of physical labor that goes into it can be draining. Let's be honest - laundry is carrying a basket, throwing in clothes, adding a cap of soap, and letting the machine run for a few hours while you watch Netflix or workout. Contrast that to yardwork for several hours per week during which you are actually working all those hours doing tons of hard labor. Repointing the house was 13 hour days for 4 days in a row. It was the most back breaking work I've ever done in my life and my body has never been that physically exhausted before in my life. It took almost a month for my knees to recover from the pain. One hour of doing home repair like repointing is about 100x the labor compared to doing something like laundry. Sure, it's one and done, but that completely ignore the massive difference in the intensity of the actual work. It's so easy to overlook and write-off all of the home, car, and yard maintenance stuff because they don't get done everyday, but you also need to consider how hard the work is. I once had to go on business trips for 1.5 weeks and asked if my wife could mow the lawn once during that time so that it wouldn't get out of control. What did I come home to find? A yard completely growing out of control with just a single line in the yard where it was cut. My wife gave up doing it after 90 seconds because 'it was too hard' and she didn't like being outside in 97 degree weather in July. |
Anonymous
OP - Fair point, I had to shovel snow for the first time this year cos hubby was away and the next day i couldn't lift my self out of bed, I had to roll out and it felt like some one had punched me on both arms, lol. |
Anonymous
When my husband tore tendons in his legs 2 years in a row and couldnt mow, I did. For weeks. When it comes to painting, I paint. We also help with yard work. Ive been mowing lawns since I was 12. Eldest daughter so in charge of siblings and all types of chores. I would much rather do DIY and yard work versus the day-to-day drag of keeping a house clean solo, especially with a slob. One you get left alone. I got to put my headphones on and listen to podcasts and music while mowing the lawn. It was glorious. And then I got to shower afterwards. Two the job is DONE when its done. There is a sense of accomplishment when building a deck or putting in a new fence or repaving the driveway. There is no such thing with toilets and the floors. I vacuumed yesterday- there is grass from the dog and my kid tracked through even though we have a no shoes policy. The toilet gets pooped in that day or the next day. Also, your laundry comment bothered me because you only mention throwing it in the washer as if its one load and it magically gets flipped over and magically put away. I do 3 loads of laundry per day. Sheets, duvets, blankets, towels, clothes, dog beds, etc. Its not hard labor but neither is yard work. I do both. If yard work wears you out, you need to lift more. |
Anonymous
Thats pathetic OP. We clear our driveway and our elderly neighbors driveway. It takes an hour. Do these things with your spouse and work as a team and then maybe they will see teamwork as an advantage with other tasks. If you silo your household tasks dont be surprised when all the household chores are yours. |
Anonymous
| Its very hard to divvy up the household work so it is fair is so hard, actually quite impossible - taking into account the time spent, physical exertion needed, mental load it takes etc. What I would view as important hubby doesn't and visa versa. |
Anonymous
You should check out Fairplay and the concepts. I think they have something around discussion of minimum acceptable standard. Having a shared understanding of what that complete task looks like. He can do it his way but for the example, for the dishes to be done all the dirty dishes need to be in the dishwasher BEFORE kids come down for breakfast. I mean I sure he wouldn't be cool with you waiting to cook dinner until the next morning? So he can do them "in the morning" but that better mean he wakes up earlier to get them done before it's time for the kids to eat breakfast. |
Anonymous
| Hiring a cleaning service and pay for it from a joint bank account. Put all his trash, junk, stuff in a pile or on his side of the bed. |