Messy husband, won’t clean
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Anonymous
| I’m so frustrated. My husband doesn’t help with any of the cleaning. He says the mess doesn’t bother him so if I want it clean then that’s on me. I’m not a clean freak, I just like things to be orderly and a clean sink at the end of the night. I have three kids under 6 and I can’t keep up with all the house chores to a level where I can feel sane in my own house. Hubby also takes a back seat for all kid related things. He does do all the DIY, yard work etc so he says it’s fair, but then why do I not get an evening without having to do house work after the kids are asleep and every night he gets to relax ?? He also says that he earns more than him so it is fair I do all the cleaning. Good to hear others thoughts/ experiences/ words of wisdom. Are my feelings founded? Needed to vent😮💨 |
Anonymous
| Yes, your feelings are founded. He doesn't get to rest at night while you work. Train him better. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you want a clone, or a maid, and instead you have a husband. If you’re a neat freak, and incompatible, you probably should have figured that out before having three kids. |
Anonymous
| The standard should be equal leisure time. If that feels unbalanced, yes you should renegotiate |
Anonymous
OP here - I’m not a neat freak by all means he is just really messy. I think he was on his best behaviour before we got married - we met later on in life and were married and pregnant within 2 years. I saw no signs of his messiness and no signs of him refusing to help around the house. I didn’t want a third kid because of this but it mistakenly happened. |
Anonymous
| My DH doesn’t notice mess/dirt. I am nowhere near neat freak, but dirty and messy house does with my peace. I tried so many things and had so many arguments, until I realized he just needs very clear precise directions on house cleaning. If I say “clean the bathroom” he won’t do it but if I give him a list of specific tasks (wash the sink, wipe the mirror, wash the tub, put mats in the washer etc) - he can do it. Excell spreadsheets with check boxes work the best🤦♀️😆 It sounds insane, I know, but it works! |
Anonymous
|
Evergreen post.
As in, it gets posted every week in a different form. I feel like they need to be seen before women start planning their weddings. |
Anonymous
| Weaponized incompetence. |
Anonymous
Troll get your that earns more than him straight. |
Anonymous
OP here, typo- *he earns more than me Am I being dumb but I can’t understand why that should matter? |
Anonymous
| Bandladash has lots of cheap labor; move there. |
Anonymous
| When you were dating did he keep his home clean? That was something I paid attention to when I was dating - if I dropped by unexpectedly, how messy was their home? |
Anonymous
It's about contributions to the household. He's a dick. I'd say, great, I'm going to spend our money on a housecleaning service. |
Anonymous
|
Chore chart. I'm 100% serious, we do it after going to marriage counseling over this.
We have set nights for who is doing dinner, dishes, bathtime and bedtime. Bathroom cleaning and vacuum on weekends, although maybe you can afford to hire a cleaner. DIY and yard work are not daily tasks, they are on par with doctor visits and planning childcare/camp. Which I bet you handle. But the "I earn more so I get more leisure time" is really gross and I would go to counseling over that mindset. You are a partner not an employee. |
Anonymous
| I have a cleaning service. I suggest you hire someone to come twice a week. And just do it. Don't even bother having a discussion with him. |