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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah sure.  What a fake post designed to drum up outrage.

As is usually with 100% of these threads, even if true, we never get to hear the other side of the story and only the highly biased viewpoint from a single camp. I always find it to be the case that the complainer massively overrates their contributions to chores while completely downplaying the ones done by their spouse.  [/quote]

OP- there is truth to this, as everyone’s reality is different and you only get to hear one side of the story. I try to take pause to see if there is something I’m not getting, hence posting on here. I would add that if DH just clean up after himself that would be a big improvement already. [/quote]

My wife will tell her girlfriends "He  doesn't help out with chores!".

Yet this is literally a list of everything I do:

All car maintenance
All home repairs and maintenance
All hard maintenance
Take out the trash
Take care of all finances
Only one that cleans the fridge
Only one that actually *cleans* the bathrooms
Only one that regularly cleans the stop top and microwaves and counters
 Vacuum 50% of the time
Cook 50% of the time
 Do the dishes and with the washer 50% of the time.

My wife does laundry, cleans the surface of bathrooms, and cooks 50% of the time. Yet according to her I never do anything.  This is why I rarely believe narratives like this.  The partner complaining never gives equal credit.

Lol, over the summer I did back breaking work repointing our brick home over multiple days and saved us thousands of dollars.  Of course that never gets acknowledged. [/quote]

OP- if my DH did even half of this list I’d be happy. He does house repairs which I have to admit I don’t really acknowledged as much as I think he wants me to mainly because they are a one and done type thing. Also the DIY I want him to do he never gets done (e.g no towel hook for 3 years and counting, yet to install the security system I bought 4 years ago). He doesn’t lift a finger after he comes back from work. I do all the cleaning and family admin either in the night when the kids are sleeping or I’m doing it whilst looking after them. I resent I get no me time at all. I resent that I’m not the best I can be at work nor striving to do better in my career because my home life is too taxing.

Tonight I come down from putting the kids to bed and now have to tackle the night time clean up. He sits there on his phone whilst I clear plates and sweep up around him. He doesn’t even feel any conscience to help out and is waiting till I finish cleaning to get some nookie ?!?! I tell him I’m not in the mood so he leaves sulking.

It seems petty to separate over cleaning and household chores. I’d hate for my kids to go through that. I keep telling myself that I can only change myself.. so ultimately that means I will have to dig deep to find the resolve to change my mindset on this and find better strategies to make things easier for me. I just hope that what’s left of my love for him doesn’t dissipate to nothing :(
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There are many projects that are huge jobs around the house in terms of maintenance. Sure, they may be one and done projects, but the amount of physical labor that goes into it can be draining.  Let's be honest - laundry is carrying a basket, throwing in clothes, adding a cap of soap, and letting the machine run for a few hours while you watch Netflix or workout.  Contrast that to yardwork for several hours per week during which you are actually working all those hours doing tons of hard labor.  Repointing the house was 13 hour days for 4 days in a row. It was the most back breaking work I've ever done in my life and my body has never been that physically exhausted before in my life.  It took almost a month for my knees to recover from the pain.  One hour of doing home repair like repointing is about 100x the labor compared to doing something like laundry.  Sure, it's one and done, but that completely ignore the massive difference in the intensity of the actual work. It's so easy to overlook and write-off all of the home, car, and yard maintenance stuff because they don't get done everyday, but you also need to consider how hard the work is.

I once had to go on business trips for 1.5 weeks and asked if my wife could mow the lawn once during that time so that it wouldn't get out of control.  What did I come home to find?  A yard completely growing out of control with just a single line in the yard where it was cut. My wife gave up doing it after 90 seconds because 'it was too hard' and she didn't like being outside in 97 degree weather in July. [/quote]

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