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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah sure.  What a fake post designed to drum up outrage.

As is usually with 100% of these threads, even if true, we never get to hear the other side of the story and only the highly biased viewpoint from a single camp. I always find it to be the case that the complainer massively overrates their contributions to chores while completely downplaying the ones done by their spouse.  [/quote]

OP- there is truth to this, as everyone’s reality is different and you only get to hear one side of the story. I try to take pause to see if there is something I’m not getting, hence posting on here. I would add that if DH just clean up after himself that would be a big improvement already. [/quote]

My wife will tell her girlfriends "He  doesn't help out with chores!".

Yet this is literally a list of everything I do:

All car maintenance
All home repairs and maintenance
All hard maintenance
Take out the trash
Take care of all finances
Only one that cleans the fridge
Only one that actually *cleans* the bathrooms
Only one that regularly cleans the stop top and microwaves and counters
 Vacuum 50% of the time
Cook 50% of the time
 Do the dishes and with the washer 50% of the time.

My wife does laundry, cleans the surface of bathrooms, and cooks 50% of the time. Yet according to her I never do anything.  This is why I rarely believe narratives like this.  The partner complaining never gives equal credit.

Lol, over the summer I did back breaking work repointing our brick home over multiple days and saved us thousands of dollars.  Of course that never gets acknowledged. [/quote]

OP- if my DH did even half of this list I’d be happy. He does house repairs which I have to admit I don’t really acknowledged as much as I think he wants me to mainly because they are a one and done type thing. Also the DIY I want him to do he never gets done (e.g no towel hook for 3 years and counting, yet to install the security system I bought 4 years ago). He doesn’t lift a finger after he comes back from work. I do all the cleaning and family admin either in the night when the kids are sleeping or I’m doing it whilst looking after them. I resent I get no me time at all. I resent that I’m not the best I can be at work nor striving to do better in my career because my home life is too taxing.

Tonight I come down from putting the kids to bed and now have to tackle the night time clean up. He sits there on his phone whilst I clear plates and sweep up around him. He doesn’t even feel any conscience to help out and is waiting till I finish cleaning to get some nookie ?!?! I tell him I’m not in the mood so he leaves sulking.

It seems petty to separate over cleaning and household chores. I’d hate for my kids to go through that. I keep telling myself that I can only change myself.. so ultimately that means I will have to dig deep to find the resolve to change my mindset on this and find better strategies to make things easier for me. I just hope that what’s left of my love for him doesn’t dissipate to nothing :(
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NP. How would he respond if you asked him in the moment to come and help you? Especially if you have an external reason (e.g. "I have to go to bed earlier because I have an early meeting tomorrow"), or something is too heavy for you to lift? [/quote]

I have done in this past, as i've need to work late in the night to meet deadlines and prepare for presentations. He get agitated and says he will do it in the morning. So in the morning its a huge disorganized mess - kids eating breakfast with old dinner plates still on the table, a big rush to get lunch boxes washed dried and lunches made. He's very adamant that if he's going to help it has to be done his way which also includes doing a half assed job. [/quote]

You should check out Fairplay and the concepts.  I think they have something around discussion of minimum acceptable standard. Having a shared understanding of what that complete task looks like.  He can do it his way but for the example, for the dishes to be done all the dirty dishes need to be in the dishwasher BEFORE kids come down for breakfast. I mean I sure he wouldn't be cool with you waiting to cook dinner until the next morning? So he can do them "in the morning" but that better mean he wakes up earlier to get them done before it's time for the kids to eat breakfast.[/quote]

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