Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow

[Anonymous]

It’s all well and good to offer limited options to avoid the fussy fussies, but then you’ll get labeled as “controlling,” or whatever. Oh well. I’d rather having things moving along than be derailed by precious picky people. I, too, have had dinners and entire evenings ruined by indecisiveness, as if it is some mystery that restaurants (at the beach or otherwise) get busy at dinner time. Call me controlling—I’m getting us fed, after learning the hard way that your indecisiveness will leave us out of luck and hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Please know that the DCUM sample is very skewed. You are the difficult ones. Spending time thinking about the Chik Fil A order when you know a person is trying to put the order in and you know what the options at Chik Fil A are is rude and self centered. You are saying - I do not care that you are the person responsible for the planning and procurement of the meal and the planning and organization of the rest of the day. Please stop what you are doing and wait while I, king of the castle have some deep thoughts about the merits of each CFA option, and also, read the CFA menu to me, like you are my servant, because I am too busy to pull up the phone or recall the information that is likely stored in my brain about the CFA options. I need to really think hard about whether I want the strips or the nuggets, or a grilled v fried sandwich. Because every single morsel that goes into my mouth must be absolute perfection and exactly what I desire at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever wants to make the deciding choice -- the response is always "I don't know" or "I don't care." It's exhausting to have be the one who has to make all the decisions, but then again, if you can decide you don't really care if it's not the one people secretly are hoping for, then it's also kind of liberating. You just make the decision and if others are displeased they can do / eat /watch something else.

My husband's family is like this. They think expressing a preference is rude and pushy. Meanwhile, his mom and brother will get annoyed if they don't get their way, even though they never actually expressed a preference. It drives me up a wall.

[Anonymous]

Team OP here! I think the constant hemming and hawing comes from a place of FOMO. God forbid you pick the wrong chick fil an order and the person next to you has something that looks much better. I came from a poor/single parented childhood and I think that helps me be okay with “good enough.” I think it’s a good skill, and also of course to know when to be detail oriented (the surgeons, etc.) You can be both flexible and fussy and be able to fluctuate between both characteristics when it is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Please know that the DCUM sample is very skewed. You are the difficult ones. Spending time thinking about the Chik Fil A order when you know a person is trying to put the order in and you know what the options at Chik Fil A are is rude and self centered. You are saying - I do not care that you are the person responsible for the planning and procurement of the meal and the planning and organization of the rest of the day. Please stop what you are doing and wait while I, king of the castle have some deep thoughts about the merits of each CFA option, and also, read the CFA menu to me, like you are my servant, because I am too busy to pull up the phone or recall the information that is likely stored in my brain about the CFA options. I need to really think hard about whether I want the strips or the nuggets, or a grilled v fried sandwich. Because every single morsel that goes into my mouth must be absolute perfection and exactly what I desire at all times.

Just wait until you see the number of sauces they have at Chick-fil-A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Well, certainly, but some of us know the difference between working on cancer treatments and getting tired, hungry kids some fast food as requested by the birthday girl on the way home from an excursion. I’m not rushing anyone along when ordering at a fine dining establishment. There is an art to knowing when to be a perfectionist and when to go with the flow. I think it’s a valuable skill. -OP

PP you replied to. Sorry, I disagree entirely. Just because it's lowly fast-food, doesn't mean every item is the same. Just because it's a kid movie, doesn't mean there isn't a wide range of quality. It seems as though you care more about getting through the day, even if you don't enjoy it, than you care about savoring each moment. That's unutterably strange to me.

I actually don't know any people like you, OP. None of my friends or relatives are as impatient/impulsive and seemingly un-discerning as you. I agree that extreme personalities are always a little difficult, but in the case you're describing, I have to wonder if you're the extreme personality.

Please know that the DCUM sample is very skewed. You are the difficult ones. Spending time thinking about the Chik Fil A order when you know a person is trying to put the order in and you know what the options at Chik Fil A are is rude and self centered. You are saying - I do not care that you are the person responsible for the planning and procurement of the meal and the planning and organization of the rest of the day. Please stop what you are doing and wait while I, king of the castle have some deep thoughts about the merits of each CFA option, and also, read the CFA menu to me, like you are my servant, because I am too busy to pull up the phone or recall the information that is likely stored in my brain about the CFA options. I need to really think hard about whether I want the strips or the nuggets, or a grilled v fried sandwich. Because every single morsel that goes into my mouth must be absolute perfection and exactly what I desire at all times.

This. Inconveniencing others so that everything can be exactly to your liking so that you can savor every moment makes you a self-absorbed jerk. And if choosing nuggets over strips has the possibility of preventing you from enjoying your day, you're fussy.

[Anonymous]

My parents gave us a check for our wedding, which was very generous of them, but not necessary. It came with no strings attached. We booked and reserved what we wanted to, and paid for what we needed to on top of that. Moving right along, thank you Mom and Dad.

ILs said they wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which was very generous of them, but not necessary. But they wanted to pick everything, and see everything in person (no matter that they live several states away). We lost out on two venues before DH finally said, we’re going to pay for it ourselves, and we booked our third choice place.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I hate Chick-Fil-A. Homophobes are the worst!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I couldn't live with you either. I am a perfectionist sort of person who married another perfectionist sort of a person and we had perfectionist kids. It's a wonder we can get anything done! But when we do, we're happy and the quality is great

We're research scientists, BTW.
If ever you get cancer, you'll be reassured to know that the people who worked on your treatment didn't go: "Eh what the heck, Molecule A is practically the same as Molecule B: just throw whichever in the mix. DONE!"

It takes all kinds, right?

Leave it to a research scientist to compare seeing a kids movie to solving cancer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I hate Chick-Fil-A. Homophobes are the worst!

But at least you're decisive about it. Will make the group order that much smoother.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. My parents almost never do anything, largely because “Just THINKING about all the options and what needs to be done first (choose clothes, figure out what to bring) is EXHAUSTING.”

[Anonymous]

I agree, it’s attention seeking. They love making a meal of being picky, and they have no qualms about wasting your money, time, attention and energy. It’s all about them.

[Anonymous]

This is in some ways a conflict between maximizers (everything has to be perfect / worried about FOMO) and satisficers (don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good / pick your minimal criteria for acceptability and go with any option that meets those criteria).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So irritating! I love my husband, but seriously, everything is always a production. We recently went to see a light show, and it was past dinner time, so I’m putting in a Chick-fil-A order for pickup on my phone (birthday kid’s request, and we knew this was their pick before we left the house). “Wellllll, I don’t knowwwwww, I need to look at the menu.” It’s Chick-fil-A. You get a sandwich, nuggets or a salad, pretty much. “Read me the mennnuuuuuu” and then proceeds to get a regular sandwich, like he always does.

His parents are the same way. I can’t just throw out an idea, every detail has to be picked over. “Do you want to see a kids’ movie today? The girls want to go see ‘Migration.’” Well what’s it about, blah blah blah…it’s a kid movie. About ducks. “Well let me read about it, gee, I don’t know.” It is a kid movie. I’m paying. In or out. “Well what are the times.” Well, 11:30, 2, 3:40. “WELLLLLLL, I don’t KNOWWWWWW…” You have nothing else to do today. You are parked on my sofa. In or out.

I just can’t stand how some adults don’t get that not everything is a production, not every single meal is super important, not every single activity is super important, it’s about the big picture and the flow of the day. Just go along to get along, sometimes! In or out!

If you know these people are like this, why are you inviting them to come along? Ditch your husband and enjoy your lightshow with the people who know how to go with the flow!

OP here. I did, actually, keep it moving about the movie tickets. The time was coming up, they were “leaning toward a no,” so I bought tickets on the Regal app for just me and my kids. They had more than an hour to decide, and once I decided on the movie time that would work best. I let them know. I also let them know what time I was ordering the tickets. Then, as we were getting shoes on, they were grousing about it. I said they were welcome to hop in the car and buy their tickets at the kiosk, but they said no.

So these people like grousing too. Why did you marry into this family? They sound awful.

Or aw-fowl… amiright?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s all well and good to offer limited options to avoid the fussy fussies, but then you’ll get labeled as “controlling,” or whatever. Oh well. I’d rather having things moving along than be derailed by precious picky people. I, too, have had dinners and entire evenings ruined by indecisiveness, as if it is some mystery that restaurants (at the beach or otherwise) get busy at dinner time. Call me controlling—I’m getting us fed, after learning the hard way that your indecisiveness will leave us out of luck and hungry.

Same! Sometimes I actually do say, "It's not your final meal!" I am going to try the limited choices again, it can really derail things to have the endless contemplation and while there may be an anxiety component, it does feel self absorbed a lot. One of the kids tends toward low blood sugar due to a health condition and gets very moody, delaying dinner by hours just can't happen.

PP I hear you about dinners at the beach with a group. So frustrating. I love the beach but it can really put a damper on the day to have endless dinner dramas every night.