How do low energy people parent?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think an introvert is automatically low-energy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are two low-energy, ADHD parents with two elementary kids who both play travel sports.

I WFH, but regularly pull 50 hour work weeks. We eat a lot of pasta, scrambled eggs, carry-out, and Factor meals. Shell out for weekly house cleaners and lawn service, but our house still seems messy all the time. Have probably lost $500+ over the past year on online returns that didn't get mailed back by the deadline. No exercise but fortunately am also too busy to eat half the time. We desperately need to remodel our basement and bathroom, but can't ever get around to picking out finishes. Constant guilt about not volunteering enough at school or hosting enough playdates. Regularly stay up until 1:00 or 2:00am finishing work I couldn't get done during the day.

So, yeah...not feeling particularly successful at parenting or life in general.

You ARE successful!! I just have one DC under 2 years old and this describes me already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I feel like from the minute I wake up at 6:30am until the minute the kids are finally asleep at 9pm I don’t have a single minute to myself. Either a kid needs something, someone at work needs something or my husband needs something. Or my dog needs something.

My only “me time” is working out 30 minutes a day. Or walking my dog and I can listen to a podcast.

It is exhausting day in and day out for the past decade.

This sounds like a lot of "me time" actually

You chose to have 3 kids and work FT. Someone who's lower energy probably wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have an illness (like narcolepsy) being low energy is a choice. If you don’t have it, figure out how to get more. Like some PP, maybe sleep more? Eat better? Exercise? Take care of your mental health? We have 3 kids and we do all of that to be able to keep up with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have an illness (like narcolepsy) being low energy is a choice. If you don’t have it, figure out how to get more. Like some PP, maybe sleep more? Eat better? Exercise? Take care of your mental health? We have 3 kids and we do all of that to be able to keep up with our kids.

Please cite your source(s) for this rather bold statement. I’m guessing you learned this from the Youtube/TikTok experts.

[Anonymous]

I’m low energy and that’s part of why I just have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have an illness (like narcolepsy) being low energy is a choice. If you don’t have it, figure out how to get more. Like some PP, maybe sleep more? Eat better? Exercise? Take care of your mental health? We have 3 kids and we do all of that to be able to keep up with our kids.

Please cite your source(s) for this rather bold statement. I’m guessing you learned this from the Youtube/TikTok experts.

No, the whole “I’m low energy” concept is what is from YouTube/Tiktok. I don’t believe anyone is low energy unless they’ve tried to address it and either failed and made the choice to be ok with being low energy. YouTube/Tiktok says that it’s ok to be low energy of course. You do you!

[Anonymous]

I thought I was low energy, but reading this thread I guess I’m not, since I manage to work full time and parent 2 high energy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more pressing question to me is: how do late-night and drinkers parent? I know a guy who routinely parties until super late and has two young children and it always blows my mind that people are out here able to parent hungover?! I’m stone cold sober and it takes all of me to start the daily morning grind at 6 am.

So true. I literally don’t drink at all because it would slow me down too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought I was low energy, but reading this thread I guess I’m not, since I manage to work full time and parent 2 high energy kids.

I don't consider myself low energy, but I think there are so many manic hypercompetitive parents in this area that their behavior starts to look "normal." or aspirational. Failing to do a lot of the performative parenting that so many around here do does not make one "low energy." We take care of our own house and yard, eat mostly home cooked meals, help our (2) children with their school work, do fun things with them and take them to a reasonable amount of activities. That is enough for us. Not wanting to do more does not make us low energy. It makes us rational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I was low energy, but reading this thread I guess I’m not, since I manage to work full time and parent 2 high energy kids.

I don't consider myself low energy, but I think there are so many manic hypercompetitive parents in this area that their behavior starts to look "normal." or aspirational. Failing to do a lot of the performative parenting that so many around here do does not make one "low energy." We take care of our own house and yard, eat mostly home cooked meals, help our (2) children with their school work, do fun things with them and take them to a reasonable amount of activities. That is enough for us. Not wanting to do more does not make us low energy. It makes us rational.

Really boo? It makes you sound mad

[Anonymous]

Of all the low energy people I know with kids, the spouse is the opposite and picks up all the slack. So I guess it works for them but it definitely appears like one person got a raw deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I was low energy, but reading this thread I guess I’m not, since I manage to work full time and parent 2 high energy kids.

I don't consider myself low energy, but I think there are so many manic hypercompetitive parents in this area that their behavior starts to look "normal." or aspirational. Failing to do a lot of the performative parenting that so many around here do does not make one "low energy." We take care of our own house and yard, eat mostly home cooked meals, help our (2) children with their school work, do fun things with them and take them to a reasonable amount of activities. That is enough for us. Not wanting to do more does not make us low energy. It makes us rational.

Really boo? It makes you sound mad

Boo? I'm curious how old you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm a high energy person- up by 6am everyday ready to go, work out, hobbies are all physically active, I love getting stuff accomplished and trying to new things.

That being said, damn my kids are just next level. They're 6 and 3 now. 6yo was just diagnosed with ADHD so we are in the early stages of that. 3yo just dropped her nap and bounces off the walls despite a million opportunities for burning energy. I love it but man it's exhausting

[Anonymous]

You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.