How do low energy people parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I feel like from the minute I wake up at 6:30am until the minute the kids are finally asleep at 9pm I don’t have a single minute to myself. Either a kid needs something, someone at work needs something or my husband needs something. Or my dog needs something.

My only “me time” is working out 30 minutes a day. Or walking my dog and I can listen to a podcast.

It is exhausting day in and day out for the past decade.

Not sure this will help, but when I spend time working out or walking the dogs and listening to an audiobook/podcast, I try to be fully present and appreciate the solitude of the moment. Another thing I do is only watch TV that I am sitting down for on purpose. My husband will scroll or watch random things but then he feels like he has "wasted" an hour. I will sit down for an hour only to watch something I am looking forward to and enjoy. I fully admit to wasting time on my phone (ahem, like right now), but even then I try to acknowledge that this is my down time and appreciate it for what it is. I guess that's mindfulness, although I haven't really studied that idea much, but maybe you get the idea.

[Anonymous]

Marry a high energy person to be the active parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introvert =/= low energy. Not sure why you're conflating the two. As an introvert, I do it the same way you do. I'm tired, I feel like something is always getting half-assed or missed, and I cut back on things that aren't really necessary.

Thank you. Introversion has nothing to do with productivity or stamina.

As an introvert, I also initially bristled at the conflation of introversion and low energy, but maybe OP's point is that things like work and interacting with others at sports, etc. can be draining for introverts, whereas extroverts would find it energizing. I can see that - on days I have a ton of interactive meetings at work I am more exhausted than on days when I am able to do my own work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a high energy person- up by 6am everyday ready to go, work out, hobbies are all physically active, I love getting stuff accomplished and trying to new things.

That being said, damn my kids are just next level. They're 6 and 3 now. 6yo was just diagnosed with ADHD so we are in the early stages of that. 3yo just dropped her nap and bounces off the walls despite a million opportunities for burning energy. I love it but man it's exhausting

Go go go adults breed go go go kids. Most of my friends who have a kid with ADHD also have a parent (or two) with it as well.

[Anonymous]

My DH works 90 hours

[Anonymous]

I just drink Red Bull all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a high energy person- up by 6am everyday ready to go, work out, hobbies are all physically active, I love getting stuff accomplished and trying to new things.

That being said, damn my kids are just next level. They're 6 and 3 now. 6yo was just diagnosed with ADHD so we are in the early stages of that. 3yo just dropped her nap and bounces off the walls despite a million opportunities for burning energy. I love it but man it's exhausting

Go go go adults breed go go go kids. Most of my friends who have a kid with ADHD also have a parent (or two) with it as well.

PP here and I don't have ADHD, but both of my siblings do and 3/4 of my first cousins. I had some hunches about my 6yo (obviously) but then one day it totally clicked that I was starting to hear myself say all things to her that my mom used to say to my siblings and scheduled a neuropsychologist appt that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully.

PP you're quoting - that's good. I feel for you, absolutely - mine are a little older now (12, 10, 8) but three kids is no joke, even when they're older. Is your DH scaling back an option? Or are there other things you can throw money at (grocery delivery, laundry service)? As you well know, laundry and groceries take up a lot of time when you have three kids. Because being exhausted for years on end is hard, to say the least, and older kids need support, too. In any case, hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully.

PP you're quoting - that's good. I feel for you, absolutely - mine are a little older now (12, 10, 8) but three kids is no joke, even when they're older. Is your DH scaling back an option? Or are there other things you can throw money at (grocery delivery, laundry service)? As you well know, laundry and groceries take up a lot of time when you have three kids. Because being exhausted for years on end is hard, to say the least, and older kids need support, too. In any case, hang in there.

Op here - I don’t know how to do laundry help. I have a friend who has laundry help but it’s only once a week. So their clothes pile up for a week then the laundry help does them all and folds them. That wouldn’t work well for me because I do laundry daily.

Grocery help is also difficult - I tried to do delivery but things got replaced with stuff I didn’t like all the time so I quit.

I am all for outsourcing things that I can. We spend a stupid amount on landscaping because I don’t have time to do things like weed the beds. I also have a biweekly cleaner.

It’s more the mental energy of keeping on top of everything. Kids homework, reading logs, sports practices, doctor appointments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully.

PP you're quoting - that's good. I feel for you, absolutely - mine are a little older now (12, 10, 8) but three kids is no joke, even when they're older. Is your DH scaling back an option? Or are there other things you can throw money at (grocery delivery, laundry service)? As you well know, laundry and groceries take up a lot of time when you have three kids. Because being exhausted for years on end is hard, to say the least, and older kids need support, too. In any case, hang in there.

Op here - I don’t know how to do laundry help. I have a friend who has laundry help but it’s only once a week. So their clothes pile up for a week then the laundry help does them all and folds them. That wouldn’t work well for me because I do laundry daily.

Grocery help is also difficult - I tried to do delivery but things got replaced with stuff I didn’t like all the time so I quit.

I am all for outsourcing things that I can. We spend a stupid amount on landscaping because I don’t have time to do things like weed the beds. I also have a biweekly cleaner.

It’s more the mental energy of keeping on top of everything. Kids homework, reading logs, sports practices, doctor appointments, etc.

This is obviously proportional to the number of kids you have, which is a choice you made, fully knowing what it was like to have 1 or 2 kids, and knowing how much you and your spouse work. It is what it is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three kids and work full-time, so what do you/did you do for childcare? We had twins so we got a nanny (two infants in daycare was only slightly less expensive and way more work). That's how we managed until second grade. At that point our nanny moved and we decided to go without one since we were both working from home (as a result of COVID but we were lucky enough to make it stick) and our school has a bus.

6:30 is the latest I can get up in the morning, so I'm surprised you state it like you wake up really early...what do you do in the morning? Maybe your kids are older so they all get themselves ready and off to school? Ours are in fourth so they can get themselves ready but we all have breakfast together before they get on the bus.

I'm also surprised about your classification as things like laundry as the mental load. Does laundry really take up that much mental energy? Assuming your kids are going to bed at 9 pm, at least some of them are old enough to do their own laundry, right? And groceries - use a delivery service and rotate through meals so you're buying a pretty set list of things every week. Also, make your kids pick some meals and/or have them make one a week. Again, I'm assuming they're old enough for this.

I guess I just assume if you have three kids you're relatively well off, so why don't you hire cleaners since you mentioned cleaning as something on your mental load? Also doctor's appointments - do you have a special needs child? My kids have their annual appointment plus two dentist appointments but I've never felt overwhelmed by doctor's appointments except for when someone has a broken bone or something requiring follow up, but even then it was weeks between appointments. Obviously if you have a child with special needs that is completely different.

As for how I do it - I purposefully didn't have three kids (although again, ours are twins so understand how you could be going for two but end up with three), my husband is an equal partner in everything with the children, pets, and house, and we pay to outsource things like cleaning, yard work, etc. in order to prioritize spending time together with our family.

Op here - to answer some of your questions my kids are all still young. 8 years old and younger. So the 8 year old can help with some things but can’t do a lot by herself.

We didn’t have a nanny - all the kids were in some sort of daycare. At one point I had 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups.

I wake up at 6:30 and have an hour to get myself ready and make breakfast and lunches. Kids wake up at 7:30 and we are out the door by 8:20 for school.

I do laundry every day of the week. I grocery shop 2 times a week since we run out of fruit quickly. My kids are not old enough to make a meal a week yet. Oldest can’t stir a pot on a stove without burning herself.

Regarding doctors - I have 3 kids so that means 3 regular check ups, 3 dentist appointments, 3 eye appointments each year for a total of 9 appointments and that doesn’t include the sick visits, broken bones, specialists when needed. I would guess I was at the doctor 20 times this past year and that doesn’t include my own doctor appointments.

My dh works 60-80 hours a week. I outsource yard work and house cleaning. I do everything else myself. When dh isn’t working he helps - driving kids to sports, doing things around the house, walking the dog. But it’s still a lot.

This is your obvious issue. My DH does too, but I don't work.

+1

I also have three kids and DH and I work FT - but that's 40 hours/week each, not 60-80. I wouldn't work if my spouse worked that much. It's not tenable.

Op here - agree this is probably why I am so exhausted. I work a normal 40 hour week and work from home 90% of the time thankfully.

PP you're quoting - that's good. I feel for you, absolutely - mine are a little older now (12, 10, 8) but three kids is no joke, even when they're older. Is your DH scaling back an option? Or are there other things you can throw money at (grocery delivery, laundry service)? As you well know, laundry and groceries take up a lot of time when you have three kids. Because being exhausted for years on end is hard, to say the least, and older kids need support, too. In any case, hang in there.

Op here - I don’t know how to do laundry help. I have a friend who has laundry help but it’s only once a week. So their clothes pile up for a week then the laundry help does them all and folds them. That wouldn’t work well for me because I do laundry daily.

Grocery help is also difficult - I tried to do delivery but things got replaced with stuff I didn’t like all the time so I quit.

I am all for outsourcing things that I can. We spend a stupid amount on landscaping because I don’t have time to do things like weed the beds. I also have a biweekly cleaner.

It’s more the mental energy of keeping on top of everything. Kids homework, reading logs, sports practices, doctor appointments, etc.

This is obviously proportional to the number of kids you have, which is a choice you made, fully knowing what it was like to have 1 or 2 kids, and knowing how much you and your spouse work. It is what it is now.

Op here - I agree with this to an extent but I also think that parents are expected to do a lot more now than when we were kids. The schools expect the parents to do a lot more regarding homework, teaching them to read, volunteering, etc.