How do low energy people parent?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

Serving your kids breakfast isn’t keeping house. It’s the bare minimum. Sad

Not judging other parents is the bare minimum. Too bad you don't know how to teach that to your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Sleep in late on weekends. Train your kids to do the same.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

Not backtracking. You just don’t understand hyperbole. Not my problem.

And again, “parent” however you want but you are essentially setting yourself up to be the “fun weekend dad” but pretending that you’re doing everything, and you’re just SO smart that you’re the first person who figured out that NOT doing stuff for your kids is easier than doing stuff for your kids. (Because you need to save your energy to sit around at home at home with them at night and have long meaningful chats, I guess)

I am not the one who started with the criticism, so again, maybe stop pretending to be a superior parent when you’re basically only doing the fun and relaxing parts and paying other people to do all the hard stuff.

Try again. I’m a mom of three who manages to work out daily, maintain a happy marriage and close friendships, meditate, and work FT.

Oh! I also coach my kids’ (before school) sports two seasons a year, schlep them to club swim practice three times a week Sept - May, summer swim five times a week, time/volunteer at all their meets, read to them, listen to them, walk them to and from school. I could go on.

Parents who put their own *needs* after their kids *wants* are missing what it means to parent well. You can’t be there for your kids when you don’t care for yourself.

LOL now who’s backtracking?! First you claim they only do school based enrichment so you don’t have to drive anywhere extra, and now you’re suddenly driving all over the place! AND you do all of the coaching and teaching and volunteering!!! You’re lying about something, here.

No, I’m not lying, I’m a different poster than the one you first accused of not doing much parenting. That’s what the “DP” from my first response to you means. My most recent response was correcting your assumptions about what I do and how I parent.

There’s more than one of us who disagree with your judgmental, deeply flawed parenting philosophy.

Oh you’re correct I did miss that DP.

But this is still funny:

“ Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting.”

It’s funny because you then follow it up with a post bragging about how you run yourself ragged being a perfect wife and employee AND driving and coaching your kids who you have put in activities all over kingdom come to prove that you are indeed a good parent:

“ Try again. I’m a mom of three who manages to work out daily, maintain a happy marriage and close friendships, meditate, and work FT.

Oh! I also coach my kids’ (before school) sports two seasons a year, schlep them to club swim practice three times a week Sept - May, summer swim five times a week, time/volunteer at all their meets, read to them, listen to them, walk them to and from school. I could go on.”

So anyway, if you’re gonna white knight maybe pick a side. Because by defending your parenting to me in the manner you did you were implicitly agreeing with my first point, despite how non-judgmental you pretend to be

[Anonymous]

I can only assume that some PPs are a little delirious due to exhaustion, because their posts make no sense.

If we raise our kids in a positive, warm, and emotionally supportive environment, if we make sure to spend some quality time with them, and if we make sure their basic needs (sleep, food, health, education) are met, we're good parents.

It doesn't matter who cooks breakfast or whether it's eaten at school or at home. It doesn't matter how many activities you do or how many teams you coach or trips you take them on. It doesn't make you a better parent. If it works for you and makes your family happy, go for it! If it's coming at the cost of your happiness and sanity, then you're depriving your children of the main thing - a happy, loving mom.

What message are you sending your kids if they see a mother who has no life of her own, who is perpetually exhausted, who runs around all day on an endless hamster wheel?

Obviously no one wants a mom who is checked out, selfish, and doesn't care about kids -- but this has nothing to do with activities or doing housework. In fact, by efficiently organizing housework and activities, we can set ourselves up to focus on what really matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

Not backtracking. You just don’t understand hyperbole. Not my problem.

And again, “parent” however you want but you are essentially setting yourself up to be the “fun weekend dad” but pretending that you’re doing everything, and you’re just SO smart that you’re the first person who figured out that NOT doing stuff for your kids is easier than doing stuff for your kids. (Because you need to save your energy to sit around at home at home with them at night and have long meaningful chats, I guess)

I am not the one who started with the criticism, so again, maybe stop pretending to be a superior parent when you’re basically only doing the fun and relaxing parts and paying other people to do all the hard stuff.

Try again. I’m a mom of three who manages to work out daily, maintain a happy marriage and close friendships, meditate, and work FT.

Oh! I also coach my kids’ (before school) sports two seasons a year, schlep them to club swim practice three times a week Sept - May, summer swim five times a week, time/volunteer at all their meets, read to them, listen to them, walk them to and from school. I could go on.

Parents who put their own *needs* after their kids *wants* are missing what it means to parent well. You can’t be there for your kids when you don’t care for yourself.

LOL now who’s backtracking?! First you claim they only do school based enrichment so you don’t have to drive anywhere extra, and now you’re suddenly driving all over the place! AND you do all of the coaching and teaching and volunteering!!! You’re lying about something, here.

No, I’m not lying, I’m a different poster than the one you first accused of not doing much parenting. That’s what the “DP” from my first response to you means. My most recent response was correcting your assumptions about what I do and how I parent.

There’s more than one of us who disagree with your judgmental, deeply flawed parenting philosophy.

Oh you’re correct I did miss that DP.

But this is still funny:

“ Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting.”

It’s funny because you then follow it up with a post bragging about how you run yourself ragged being a perfect wife and employee AND driving and coaching your kids who you have put in activities all over kingdom come to prove that you are indeed a good parent:

“ Try again. I’m a mom of three who manages to work out daily, maintain a happy marriage and close friendships, meditate, and work FT.

Oh! I also coach my kids’ (before school) sports two seasons a year, schlep them to club swim practice three times a week Sept - May, summer swim five times a week, time/volunteer at all their meets, read to them, listen to them, walk them to and from school. I could go on.”

So anyway, if you’re gonna white knight maybe pick a side. Because by defending your parenting to me in the manner you did you were implicitly agreeing with my first point, despite how non-judgmental you pretend to be

My side is that it sucks to tell a parent she’s not actually parenting (or doing much else, you had to throw that in) because she does things like let her kids buy lunch and keeps their activities to those provided at the school. Our default is the kids buy lunch at school; if they want to bring, it’s on them to make it. We didn’t do non-school activities until the kids got to later elementary and even now, it’s just the club swimming.

My side is also that putting your kids’ wants before your own needs is misguided at best, harmful at worst.

My side is that there are many ways to give your kids “a good childhood.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- Only have 2 kids with a big enough gap between them (5+) so that parenting was a joy.
- Help from parents who stayed with us for several months to help with both babies when they were born.
- DH makes good $$$ so I stayed at home.
- Outsourced cleaning and yard work. Had a weekly cleaner.
- Paid extra to tutors and coaches to come at our house to give lessons at home, so we were not endlessly commuting.
- My kids had a lot of downtime because we are a family that naps.
- My kids turned into bookworms like us, and that meant that they did not have to be entertained all the time.
- No soda and junk food at our home. Limited TV and screen time.
- Control of sugar, good sleep hygiene to have a calm morning
- Daily physical exercise for kids. If it was snowing, they were on the treadmill,

Da hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

Serving your kids breakfast isn’t keeping house. It’s the bare minimum. Sad

Not judging other parents is the bare minimum. Too bad you don't know how to teach that to your own kids.

You got her there

[Anonymous]

I’m low energy. I have one child. I leveraged myself into a fully wfh job with good hours and decent pay (I mommy tracked). I have a morning nanny who cleans and does laundry. We are in a ton of activities, which kid really enjoys. I socialize at activities and also do admin/make calls. I have groceries delivered. I work out at lunch. Fin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I only had 2 (calm girls thank goodness) and I don't work. That's how I do it. And its still hard.

+1. “Only” have 2. Luckily easy daughters, amazing sleepers from the get go. I am high energy (and so are they) and a SAHM, but I had them later in life and am exhausted now. I wasn’t when I was younger though. I couldn’t have handled 3 babies/toddlers (def not boys) + a full time job in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

I decided not to have kids. Decided I’d be tired and miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids five years apart. I was a SAHM until the youngest was in school full time. I had a fenced yard for the dog to run around in. When I started working it was part time in the evenings and on weekends, my husband took care of the kids. Didn't go full time until the youngest was ten. Both my kids were and are great sleepers, did not get up early, were taught to be self sufficient as in get yourself some breakfast, get yourself dressed, etc. I went to all their sports games but I love that stuff. That's how I did it.

Same here. Age gap, great sleepers, healthy well-behaved kids, involved dad, SAHM, a part-time nanny when the kids were toddlers, weekly housecleaners. I am not low energy and everyone thinks of me as social, but in reality I love peace and quiet and do not care for the company of others in the slightest. I’ve just taught myself to appear extroverted over the years for the sake of my kids and before that for my client-facing career. I am a closeted introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew I was not cut out for three. I had planned to have an only and when we decided to go for a second, we timed it so they’d be five years apart.

The universe laughed. Spontaneous identical twins!

So— I’m tired. I’m always, always tired. And I have an amazing partner, could not ask for better. I’ve accepted that I will just be tired until I die, probably.

I terminated a pregnancy to avoid 3. We knew that it would put us over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't do superfluous nonsense that I see a lot of other people engage, like traveling to Florida for winter break, etc. We stay home and just chill and work on stuff that matters in the long run.

Florida is meh, but we travel internationally at least once a year, often more, and I’d say imo, that matters a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more pressing question to me is: how do late-night and drinkers parent? I know a guy who routinely parties until super late and has two young children and it always blows my mind that people are out here able to parent hungover?! I’m stone cold sober and it takes all of me to start the daily morning grind at 6 am.

I don’t drink but am a night owl. 4 out of 5 mornings DH deals with the kids and sometimes I miss them completely before they are off to school. On the flip side, I am high energy and our lives run very smoothly because of everything I get done on my days when I am well rested. I cook healthy meals from scratch every day, we go on great vacations that I plan, kids are well behaved and adjusted and at the top of their classes at their rigorous school, and I deal with all after school activities, appointments and social engagements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of all the low energy people I know with kids, the spouse is the opposite and picks up all the slack. So I guess it works for them but it definitely appears like one person got a raw deal.

This is us. I am the mom, and I think the moms almost always gets the raw deal, but when the husband is low energy on top of it, then it is particularly rough and unbalanced.