Unhappy with family gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our experiences HAVE included low key family movie/board game nights with activities for the littles (like new coloring books), it’s included snow tubing (BEFORE young kids), bowling, painting and lunch at OUR HOUSE. We’re not taking everyone to the ballet for godsakes.

I’ve extended the offer to them to share what they’d like to do. And everyone time we choose a family gift, we always message everyone before to see if they’d be up for it. But whatever, I’m just a controlling narcissist that wants everyone to spend time with me. Couldn’t be farther from the truth

Is this OP? Are you saying their Christmas gift is to come to your house for activities?

This thread is an instant classic!

Yo - you make the hour drive to my house so we can all sit around the table from 2-4 and I will buy the coloring books. Merry Christmas (suckers)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. If someone isn’t willing to spend a few hours with family, why should I even get a regular gift? That seems crazy to me.

And yes, my point in family experiences is that it’s one time of the year we can all make time together. It’s something we can count on.

Time together feels like the basis of most relationships. They live within an hour of us. What should I do, not talk to them all year, ask for a list and ship them gifts to show I “care”. That’s silly.

They probably feel like it’s silly to show they “care” by only getting together once a year when you all live so near each other. Maybe it’s time for the gift exchange to stop, especially for adults.

Why aren’t you talking to them during the rest of the year? That’s sad.

If you did know for sure they’re not enjoying the experience gifts you give, or they’d rather have something else, would you switch it up and give them something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just host a family gathering at your house? It's not a gift to them, but it's an opportunity to spend time together. I don't understand how it has to be this separate experience that you pay for.

Lol their present is OP’s presence.

[Anonymous]

OP = I would reframe this as their gift to YOU that you are all going to spend time together. Tell them you don't want anything else - you want their company at this activity.

But also adults shouldn't have to give presents to each other.

[Anonymous]

OP just stop this. Suggest that going forward there will be no gift exchange between adults and kids gifts will be small .. ie $20 or less. Say you’ll keep up the tradition of hosting family for a movie or game night.

It’s weird and bizarre that your Christmas gift is basic things at your house where they have to travel two hours. It’s worse if they are giving your family nice gifts.

You are basically trying to benefit from getting gifts without reciprocating the giving of gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our experiences HAVE included low key family movie/board game nights with activities for the littles (like new coloring books), it’s included snow tubing (BEFORE young kids), bowling, painting and lunch at OUR HOUSE. We’re not taking everyone to the ballet for godsakes.

I’ve extended the offer to them to share what they’d like to do. And everyone time we choose a family gift, we always message everyone before to see if they’d be up for it. But whatever, I’m just a controlling narcissist that wants everyone to spend time with me. Couldn’t be farther from the truth

Now I’m so confused. These (aside from say the snow tubing) don’t sound like experience gifts. They sound like hosting. Like - please join us for board games & fun snacks, or come for a painting & pizza afternoon. They are invitations, you are hosting a family party. And yes, you spend money hosting. That’s what people do. But it’s not a gift.

You don’t have to give gifts. I mean, it is kind of silly to give gifts to adults, who needs the hassle of buying, wrapping, etc.

I say invite them to whatever you are planning, & buy small gifts for the kids. I feel like that is what most people do.

This thread has been very interesting!

[Anonymous]

Nothing is more insufferable than family members that think their presence is your present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband handle it.

lol. That’s an idea that DCUM literally refuses to accept. How many of these stupid posts from women so confused about how to deal with her IL’s must we endure? Here’s a thought - let your freaking DH handle. But alas, just like all of the other stupid threads like this, people will respond for pages.

How dare you mock one of my favorite holiday pastimes? Curling up with popcorn, spiked hot chocolate and a DCUM meddling wife thread is a tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our experiences HAVE included low key family movie/board game nights with activities for the littles (like new coloring books), it’s included snow tubing (BEFORE young kids), bowling, painting and lunch at OUR HOUSE. We’re not taking everyone to the ballet for godsakes.

I’ve extended the offer to them to share what they’d like to do. And everyone time we choose a family gift, we always message everyone before to see if they’d be up for it. But whatever, I’m just a controlling narcissist that wants everyone to spend time with me. Couldn’t be farther from the truth

Now I’m so confused. These (aside from say the snow tubing) don’t sound like experience gifts. They sound like hosting. Like - please join us for board games & fun snacks, or come for a painting & pizza afternoon. They are invitations, you are hosting a family party. And yes, you spend money hosting. That’s what people do. But it’s not a gift.

You don’t have to give gifts. I mean, it is kind of silly to give gifts to adults, who needs the hassle of buying, wrapping, etc.

I say invite them to whatever you are planning, & buy small gifts for the kids. I feel like that is what most people do.

This thread has been very interesting!

Except either OP wants to keep getting real gifts from everyone else or the rest of the family wants to keep giving gifts but OP doesn’t want to buy them for others.

OP needs to stop this stupidity and with A. Get them real gifts or B Say that her family is out of the gift exchange. If she removes her family from the gift exchange that’s perfectly fine. She can’t though demand that the rest of them stop exchanging gifts with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our experiences HAVE included low key family movie/board game nights with activities for the littles (like new coloring books), it’s included snow tubing (BEFORE young kids), bowling, painting and lunch at OUR HOUSE. We’re not taking everyone to the ballet for godsakes.

I’ve extended the offer to them to share what they’d like to do. And everyone time we choose a family gift, we always message everyone before to see if they’d be up for it. But whatever, I’m just a controlling narcissist that wants everyone to spend time with me. Couldn’t be farther from the truth

Is this OP? Are you saying their Christmas gift is to come to your house for activities?

This thread is an instant classic!

Yo - you make the hour drive to my house so we can all sit around the table from 2-4 and I will buy the coloring books. Merry Christmas (suckers)!

"Bring the littles!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I’m not poking my nose, DH wants to do this for his family, it’s our choice as a family. Not mine. It’s also the most cost effective choice for us.

This is what we have chosen to do, my initial question was “it doesn’t seem like they are totally into it, so should I offer an out?”

I didn’t ask if you felt the gift was appropriate. We believe as a family experiences are more important than someone sending a list of gifts and we just buy stuff off that. We will have the memories, if they don’t want that, that’s ok. I’m okay. I’m not forcing anyone to come.

We can all be adults and decline or better yet, you have a real issue with me or DH, you reach out.

I really am amazing by DCUM and can’t even begin to imagine what kind of friendships/relationships you lunatics have. I’m sad for you.

Holy crap, it's a Groupon, isn't it? Lol

[Anonymous]

But the real question is, what unhealed part of you all is causing such aggression? That’s the real question in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. I would much rather give and receive experience gifts than more crap my kids don't want. I also like that OP is taking the initiative to actually plan it. I have one relative who keeps giving my kids "experience" gifts but then never follows up and does it. She gave my daughter the same "experience" 3 birthdays in a row, but never actually took her to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I would much rather give and receive experience gifts than more crap my kids don't want. I also like that OP is taking the initiative to actually plan it. I have one relative who keeps giving my kids "experience" gifts but then never follows up and does it. She gave my daughter the same "experience" 3 birthdays in a row, but never actually took her to do it.

I’m guessing this is the OP sock puppeting. No gifts is fine. Accepting gifts from other and pretending that inviting them over is your reciprocal gift is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our experiences HAVE included low key family movie/board game nights with activities for the littles (like new coloring books), it’s included snow tubing (BEFORE young kids), bowling, painting and lunch at OUR HOUSE. We’re not taking everyone to the ballet for godsakes.

I’ve extended the offer to them to share what they’d like to do. And everyone time we choose a family gift, we always message everyone before to see if they’d be up for it. But whatever, I’m just a controlling narcissist that wants everyone to spend time with me. Couldn’t be farther from the truth

That's not a gift. That's not even an experience. That's hosting a holiday party. And, a movie, board game is an activity. An experience would be the ballet. You are cheap and lazy.