Unhappy with family gift

[Anonymous]

Op go to 5 below and get a $5 gift card for the family to share. Done.

[Anonymous]

This thread is *chef’s kiss* I’m just imagining my SIL giving us the *gift* of bowling followed by coloring books at her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I’m not poking my nose, DH wants to do this for his family, it’s our choice as a family. Not mine. It’s also the most cost effective choice for us.

This is what we have chosen to do, my initial question was “it doesn’t seem like they are totally into it, so should I offer an out?”

I didn’t ask if you felt the gift was appropriate. We believe as a family experiences are more important than someone sending a list of gifts and we just buy stuff off that. We will have the memories, if they don’t want that, that’s ok. I’m okay. I’m not forcing anyone to come.

We can all be adults and decline or better yet, you have a real issue with me or DH, you reach out.

I really am amazing by DCUM and can’t even begin to imagine what kind of friendships/relationships you lunatics have. I’m sad for you.

No no no, you’d be annoyed if they declined too. They’re sitting at their house going “wtf are we going to say to this year.” You’ve asked them to engage in this “gift” OR come to you to tell you why this is ridiculous. And then also come pick up separate little gifts for the kids. You’ve gifted them emotional and actual chores. Just get a restaurant gift card next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. If someone isn’t willing to spend a few hours with family, why should I even get a regular gift? That seems crazy to me.

And yes, my point in family experiences is that it’s one time of the year we can all make time together. It’s something we can count on.

Time together feels like the basis of most relationships. They live within an hour of us. What should I do, not talk to them all year, ask for a list and ship them gifts to show I “care”. That’s silly.

Because it’s rude. Ask first. My husband’s sister and her husband wanted to go to a European city. My husband and I ended up having to move there for 6 months for his job. We asked if they wanted us to fly them over and they could stay in our apartment for a week and we’d plan the week. They were thrilled and that was their gift for a couple years and we told them they weren’t getting anymore gifts for a few years due to the cost. But we asked first and then did it.

They now both make excellent money and clearly want us to pay for a trip again, but I can’t pay for them and their kids and our family. We offered to plan the vacation we all agree on, but they won’t commit, so I’m not planning it. That would be my gift, as planning a 7-14 day trip is a lot of work!

OP I would give them options. Hey we want to do an experience gift and were thinking of a, b, & c, do any of those seem like something you’d be interested in? If not have any ideas?

Also if they have small kids why don’t you offer to watch their kids one night or have them sleep over your house so they can go out? We try and do this for my SIL above whenever we visit her or they visit us. But again we ASK first!