Would you tell your child if they were ugly?

[Anonymous]

My Korean BFF has experienced the same. Plastic surgery pushed on her from a young age. She's had her eyes done and a chin implant as well as lipo. Her mother also says she is fat (she is normal). I guess if you aren't a wispy 00 you are fat in Korea. She tells me stores don't even carry sizes above medium (size 6-8).

It's not just looks either, her mom was constantly on her about school, grades, her job, boyfriends and their pedigrees, jobs, income, etc. She's still single at 40.

It's a very unhealthy way to live, imho. She has never been happy or satisfied with herself and this is probably why.

[Anonymous]

so sad and effed up.

[Anonymous]

I’m a white American and my mom let me know I was ugly. I have a brother who was very conventionally attractive when we were growing up. We are very close in age. PP’s comment above about helping a child make the best of their appearance broke my heart a bit. My mom would buy my brother the trendy clothes of the moment but told me “I didn’t need them”. I would ask for help doing my hair and her response was to cut it into a short bob that I could never style right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only met 2 ugly people in my whole life. Truthfully.

I feel like truly ugly people aren’t terribly common. Not everyone looks like a supermodel but I think I can find beauty in most everyone.

+1. Almost everyone can look good until their mid-40s. Some of us may have to put more effort into it!

That’s not what other people are thinking Karen

You are responding to me. I completely agree with you that not everyone is "beautiful" and aren't going to get there, even with effort. But, almost everyone can hit a five (average) if they put some effort in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Korean BFF has experienced the same. Plastic surgery pushed on her from a young age. She's had her eyes done and a chin implant as well as lipo. Her mother also says she is fat (she is normal). I guess if you aren't a wispy 00 you are fat in Korea. She tells me stores don't even carry sizes above medium (size 6-8).

It's not just looks either, her mom was constantly on her about school, grades, her job, boyfriends and their pedigrees, jobs, income, etc. She's still single at 40.

It's a very unhealthy way to live, imho. She has never been happy or satisfied with herself and this is probably why.

OP here. Yes this is what I am talking about. The “you’re ugly and we need to fix it because it reflects poorly on me attitude”.

[Anonymous]

Lord, did my mother let me know! Doesn’t help that she was and is just absolutely gorgeous and elegant.

It was really bad for my self-esteem in middle school. I grew into my face in my twenties anyway and experienced a fair amount of “pretty privilege,” but I wasted a lot of time and energy on my appearance to try to maximize that, and was so insecure about my looks I couldn’t leave the house without eyeliner on. Wish that energy had been spent on something more worthwhile. It’s weird to think that if I had changed my face at fourteen as was suggested, I might have looked like a total freak when the rest of my face changed around whatever I’d “fixed”. Actually have a friend who got a lot of plastic surgery at 19, and it really aged her in her mid-twenties onward.

Now with age and hormonal shifts, the smoke and mirrors of makeup and fashion that worked in my twenties is not working at all and I have been struggling with losing that “pretty privilege,” as well as feeling like I suddenly have no idea how to make myself look good. I definitely feel better when I think I look good, so I’ve felt kind of blah for a while. I’m sure I’ll look back in ten years and just see the lost youth, but looking in the mirror is a bummer for me right now. Trying not to focus on it so I don’t repeat the mistake of wasting so much time on my appearance…also helps that there’a a lot of pressure to be scruffy and casual in the DC-area, even though I think the resulting vibe is kind of ugly and depressing. Mom still pokes my stomach and warns me not to get fat when I see her.

[Anonymous]

My mother told me I was an ugly baby; once in front of my adult friend and another mother. I never forgot that she did that, even though I wasn’t the prettiest baby - that comment stuck and sticks with me now.

[Anonymous]

I never would, no. First of all I cannot even think of many people I have ever found actually "ugly". Trump comes to mind, a really nasty Math teacher I had...Most people are fine looking. I can think of people who don't take care of themselves but that has nothing to do with feature or size. It would bother me, and I would speak up if my kids didn't bathe, wash hair, take general pride in how they look because that is tied to low self esteem and poor self care. As far as plastic surgery, most people do not look much better from it. The slope noses usually are a downgrade.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately the plastic surgery will be find out when they have kids

In China you can be sued

https://kdvr.com/news/chinese-man-sues-wins-120000/amp/

[Anonymous]

My mom made a lot of comments about my weight, choice of clothing, etc. I had an eating disorder, and married an abuser.

I will discipline my children for the things they can control (having an ugly, ungrateful attitude, for example), but if they're "ugly" it's because I made them that way, and I would never burden their minds and hearts the way my mom did mine.

But this board is so damned fatphobic, I guarantee there are parents here commenting on their kids' weight, and the root of that is "fat is ugly", so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:95 percent of the population is hideous. Look at the crowds in public. Really look close. Disgusting outside the 5 percent.

lemme guess: you think you're a 5-percenter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a MENA background and moms “out of love” and looking after the best interest of their children (particularly girls) would tell their child if they were unattractive or ugly and strongly encourage plastic surgery. After speaking to a friend who is of South Korean descent she basically said the same thing. Korean mothers would push plastic surgery or be very controlling about weight. Obviously this is also highly toxic behavior and has become increasingly unacceptable in today’s social climate. So would you tell your child if they were ugly? Would you push your child towards plastic surgery if it would benefit them? Why or why not?

Unless there is a birth or accidental deformity, plastic surgery is height of sad vanity and such people need therapy not pushing surgery on their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:95 percent of the population is hideous. Look at the crowds in public. Really look close. Disgusting outside the 5 percent.

lemme guess: you think you're a 5-percenter?

Well may be top tier in looks but lowest tier of IQ and shallowest end of maturity pool.

[Anonymous]

I won't say anything but if my kid was bullied about it and ASKED for help with it, I would offer suggestions, including some plastic surgery. Ears and nose. Not sure what else you can do as a kid.

I have a friend whose daughter had a giant nose. She got her diagnosed with a deviated septum. Done.

[Anonymous]

I think very few people are actually ugly. Those who are are in fact fascinating to look at. I worked with a guy who truly looked like a villain out of central casting, and it was hard to take my eyes off him, he was so interesting looking. He was a confident and intelligent guy with a very pretty girlfriend. It didn't seem like his looks impeded him in his life.