Would you tell your child if they were ugly?

[Anonymous]

I'm from northern Europe and believe me, the pressure to stay relatively slender is equally real.

I'm going to make people angry, but I agree with that pressure to a certain, reasonable, extent. It's not healthy to be overweight, or even, for some petite AND fine-boned people like me, to be at the upper range of normal BMI.

So exercising, eating right, and staying slim is for me a HEALTH question, more than a looks question.

For looks only, I agree that this is very subjective, and only a few traits can be easily "corrected", like a large nose. I would not, ever, push cosmetic surgery on my child! Anesthesia carries inherent risk that personally I think should only be accepted for medically-indicated operations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that I’ve met very few truly ugly people.

To answer the question, no. I would encourage my child to be as well-groomed as possible. A haircut (they are both male), good skin, manicured hands, and well fitting clothes will take you very far.

+1, and most of the "ugly" people I have met would have been fine with some dental work, a decent haircut, and better grooming. Not supermodels, but not someone you'd ever single out for being ugly.

Also many people who get labeled as ugly have birth defects or disabilities. Would you tell your child that they are ugly because of their birth defect? I definitely would not and I wouldn't view a child with a birth defect as ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that I’ve met very few truly ugly people.

To answer the question, no. I would encourage my child to be as well-groomed as possible. A haircut (they are both male), good skin, manicured hands, and well fitting clothes will take you very far.

+1, and most of the "ugly" people I have met would have been fine with some dental work, a decent haircut, and better grooming. Not supermodels, but not someone you'd ever single out for being ugly.

Also many people who get labeled as ugly have birth defects or disabilities. Would you tell your child that they are ugly because of their birth defect? I definitely would not and I wouldn't view a child with a birth defect as ugly.

As the person who said I've been ugly since I was a child, have been asked if I was in a fire, and am often invisible, I also grew up with a big birthmark on my neck (which of course I got teased for all through school for having a piece of sh*t on my neck) and with a lot of learning disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only met 2 ugly people in my whole life. Truthfully.

Yeah, part of being ugly is that often we’re invisible to people. I don’t hide away in seclusion- people just look right past me.

I disagree, I work, i have customer, I know my kids friends, I meet neighbors, etc. There are very few truly ugly people in the world, forgetful maybe but ugly nope.

Lol, of course you think you know them. But that's what being invisible is - seeing me is unsettling so people look away and focus on something else more aesthetically pleasing to their eye/brain. In a work situation you only see me when you need something from me, but you would invite the people around me to lunch or drinks and forget me. It's happened dozens upon dozens of times. Two months ago my own family forgot to invite me to a family dinner. Afterwards my dad asked why I didn't come. "To what?" Trust me - people just don't see me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did the ugly child get their genetics? Maybe someone needs to tell you that you are ugly.

+1. Lol

I don't know a single ugly 5th grader or 4rd grader in my kids' classes. Very few people are ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did the ugly child get their genetics? Maybe someone needs to tell you that you are ugly.

+1. Lol I don't know a single ugly 5th grader or 4rd grader in my kids' classes. Very few people are ugly.

Wow. My DD is in second grade and like half her class is full of ugly kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please be a troll.

For my mental health I'm going to assume this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

You need at least one person in your corner telling you your beautiful, and parents can be those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only met 2 ugly people in my whole life. Truthfully.

I feel like truly ugly people aren’t terribly common. Not everyone looks like a supermodel but I think I can find beauty in most everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't tell them they are ugly. However, if they were unhappy with their looks and it was over something that is objectively a problem that can be fixed (e.g. a nose) I would support it.

Agreed, if there were something that my kid couldn't get over, if it were ruining her personality, I might eventually support a minor fix. But the thing is, a lot of people will just fixate on something new. Plastic surgery is psychiatry with a scalpel. In too many cases, it treats a mental illness that can never be cured. So I'd have to be real sure that any issue was truly about that one physical thing, and not something deeper. A hairy mole, a hooked nose, jug-handle ears... the things that cause children to point.

But hell no, I would never tell a child they're ugly. I would not gaslight someone who hates that wart dragging down their eyelid; they are correct that removing it would be an improvement. Dismissing their feelings with a "you're beautiful just the way you are" remark would cause major cognitive dissonance and would make me untrustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't tell them they are ugly. However, if they were unhappy with their looks and it was over something that is objectively a problem that can be fixed (e.g. a nose) I would support it.

Agreed, if there were something that my kid couldn't get over, if it were ruining her personality, I might eventually support a minor fix. But the thing is, a lot of people will just fixate on something new. Plastic surgery is psychiatry with a scalpel. In too many cases, it treats a mental illness that can never be cured. So I'd have to be real sure that any issue was truly about that one physical thing, and not something deeper. A hairy mole, a hooked nose, jug-handle ears... the things that cause children to point.

But hell no, I would never tell a child they're ugly. I would not gaslight someone who hates that wart dragging down their eyelid; they are correct that removing it would be an improvement. Dismissing their feelings with a "you're beautiful just the way you are" remark would cause major cognitive dissonance and would make me untrustworthy.

I agree with the bolded but it also points to a problem I see:

Some people don't understand the difference between being honest and being rude or cruel.

As a parent, we are often asked to weight in on things about our kids that are not flattering or an asset. For instance, my kid is slow AF and terrible at soccer. So when she played soccer, she'd leave practice saying "Mom, I'm the slowest kid on the team and I'm not any good at this sport." I definitely never replied "No honey that's not true! You're really fast! You're great at soccer." Because that helps no one (except maybe saves me from having a hard conversation). But I also wasn't mean and didn't tell my kid she was terrible at soccer. Instead what I said was something like, "It is so hard to try something new and not be good at it. I get it -- when I was your age, I tried playing baseball and I was SO BAD. I couldn't throw, I couldn't field, I couldn't hit, I couldn't run. I was a 'zero tool player'! But I stuck it out even though I wasn't good, and I played for two years as the worst person on that team, and I got a little bit better and made a bunch of friends. And now, even the best kid on the team is still not a professional baseball player, but I play on the company softball team and even though I'm STILL not very good, I have fun doing it every year and I still use some of the skills I learned as a kid when I do."

You can be honest and still never call your kid ugly. It's called "parenting." What a concept!

[Anonymous]

95 percent of the population is hideous. Look at the crowds in public. Really look close. Disgusting outside the 5 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only met 2 ugly people in my whole life. Truthfully.

I feel like truly ugly people aren’t terribly common. Not everyone looks like a supermodel but I think I can find beauty in most everyone.

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are all the DCUM direct, i.e., blunt, people?

You can’t be serious. Being blunt =/= saying every single thought that comes into your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:95 percent of the population is hideous. Look at the crowds in public. Really look close. Disgusting outside the 5 percent.

I disagree I would say 95 % of people know someone who thinks they are beautiful in some way.