Husband is furious at me for these two incidents...am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Lol I wonder what really happened, it's obvious OP is not giving a verbatim account. She's got some kind of agenda to make her husband the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s pissed that he just figured out he married crazy McGoo.

Yes OP basically flat out told her husband she would be an inadequate parent to any sons they had. Possibly psychologically abusive. OP figured since she posted this on a mommy board she'd get only props.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before you get pregnant, let go of the idea that you can control how your kids come out. You can have a great environment and provide lots of support, but genetics is driving a lot of the bus.

And yeah, your husband sounds kind of angry. But you sound like you’re going to be an anxious parent. Perhaps a therapist?

First paragraph: very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been really angry and rude to me because he says I disrespected him by bringing up the following 2 "charged" topics:

- Yesterday morning, I was reading the Andrew Wylie article in the NYT. I thought it was interesting and enlightening. When Husband wakes up I tell him about it and he instantly gets angry saying he hates the elites and they have destroyed out country and how they are so wrong about what good literature even is. He tells me, "you and I have VERY different ideas about this!" and starts huffing and puffing about how he loathes snobbery.

I...just wanted to have a discussion about the state of the publishing industry these days and it was a huge triggering topic for him.

- This morning I was in a conference call with a boss from work who was talking about her male children. After getting off the call, I was making small talk with my husband as he was making lunch in the kitchen and I started musing about how it would feel to have a boy and whether I could be a "boy mom" and that I probably want a girl. He says he wants a boy. I follow-up to that saying that it may be a little complicated to raise a boy as you have to worry about ensuring they are socialized early and well so they aren't lonely and fall into depression. I said that I worry that maladjusted boys have a risk of doing disruptive things such as mass shootings and such. This triggered him. He started to get angry and said that wasn't true and that at least 40% of shooters are women. I was confused as that did not align with any of the data i have read so far. And I told him so. He was angry and said i am a misandrist and that I am insulting him as he is a man! And he did not like that I make generalizations about his gender!

I am increasingly confused and say that none of this is personal. He gets angry and says he does not want to do this anymore and raises his hand in the air to signal that he does not want to talk, walks away and shits the door to his room.

He has since been in his room and is stone walling me. I went over 10 minutes ago and he said he is still angry and that i hurt his feelings! Thsee topics are charged topics for him and I continue expressing my opinion and making him angry.

Isn't he overblowing this? Or am I crazy?

He sounds nuts. You sound a little off too

This is OP. Why am I a little off? I was raised in a family of all girls and have little experience with boys. I want to raise good, upstanding young men who do not become maladjusted teens or youths who commit crimes.

I am probably anxious and an over-thinker.

Would you say your husband is maladjusted?

This was my question too.
You come off as paranoid, OP.

Are you immediately suspicious of all men? You know that statistics don’t dictate YOUR son choices and outcomes, right?
The weird part is that if you heard someone try to insert the word “black” in front of that “young man” negative statistic and then try to use that to justify their “worry” that black young men are just going to rob them, you’d probably be outraged! (And rightfully so!)
But You are (mis)using statistics to support your own negative bias against an entire group of people…males. You know it’s wrong when it’s fine according to race though.
So please apply that to all groups that you lump together.

Yep, another post trying to argue with OP about her thoughts when her post was not about these topics but about her DH's behaviors, which are huge red flags.

To OP, I really wish you hadn't said in such detail what you told your DH because, as you see, some PPs are focused on bashing your opinions on raising boys etc. and not on your husband's frankly overblown, hair-trigger reactions. Please, OP, filter out the people who only are seeing your opinions and reacting to those.

You have MUCH bigger things to think about now than whether you'd be a good mother for a boy or the state of publishing etc. You need instead to think hard: Was your DH always like this? Is it a change? If it's a change--what happened to cause it? Are you willing to deal with this kind of shutting you down merely for thinking out loud and wanting to share things with the person with whom you should be able to share everything? (You shouldn't be willing, by the way.).

You have been given the gift of his waving a red flag in your face with this behavior. Use that gift. Sit down, think hard about whether this is really the first time he's reacted like this or if it's really been around longer than you were admitting. Figure out if he's being swayed by something that's making him go off about "elites" on one topic, and spout about women being mass shooters (patently wrong, so why did he double down with fantasy statistics?). Is he generally conservative-minded? Touchy? Does the silent treatment? Don't answer me here. Go think about it and see if there's a pattern. Then, consider how to talk to him when he's calmed down and clearly (but no tears, and no finger-pointing either) say how baffling and out of proportion his reactions have been. See what he does then.

Do not, do not, do NOT get pregnant, OP. You need to figure out if he's like this on a deeper level and maybe always has been, or if he's somehow breaking down. Either way, you can't take this kind of nutty reaction and say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he consuming incel,MRA,alt-right propaganda? Kind of sounds like it.

I'd wonder this too. Talking about elites and how women are mass killers--? He might have been drinking the Kool-Aid served by the worst parts of the internet that claim men are being quashed by women, etc. You need to do some digging, OP. And meanwhile, double down on birth control. Not that he sounds like you'd want to have sex with him any time soon, after that outburst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been really angry and rude to me because he says I disrespected him by bringing up the following 2 "charged" topics:

- Yesterday morning, I was reading the Andrew Wylie article in the NYT. I thought it was interesting and enlightening. When Husband wakes up I tell him about it and he instantly gets angry saying he hates the elites and they have destroyed out country and how they are so wrong about what good literature even is. He tells me, "you and I have VERY different ideas about this!" and starts huffing and puffing about how he loathes snobbery.

I...just wanted to have a discussion about the state of the publishing industry these days and it was a huge triggering topic for him.

- This morning I was in a conference call with a boss from work who was talking about her male children. After getting off the call, I was making small talk with my husband as he was making lunch in the kitchen and I started musing about how it would feel to have a boy and whether I could be a "boy mom" and that I probably want a girl. He says he wants a boy. I follow-up to that saying that it may be a little complicated to raise a boy as you have to worry about ensuring they are socialized early and well so they aren't lonely and fall into depression. I said that I worry that maladjusted boys have a risk of doing disruptive things such as mass shootings and such. This triggered him. He started to get angry and said that wasn't true and that at least 40% of shooters are women. I was confused as that did not align with any of the data i have read so far. And I told him so. He was angry and said i am a misandrist and that I am insulting him as he is a man! And he did not like that I make generalizations about his gender!

I am increasingly confused and say that none of this is personal. He gets angry and says he does not want to do this anymore and raises his hand in the air to signal that he does not want to talk, walks away and shits the door to his room.

He has since been in his room and is stone walling me. I went over 10 minutes ago and he said he is still angry and that i hurt his feelings! Thsee topics are charged topics for him and I continue expressing my opinion and making him angry.

Isn't he overblowing this? Or am I crazy?

He sounds nuts. You sound a little off too

This is OP. Why am I a little off? I was raised in a family of all girls and have little experience with boys. I want to raise good, upstanding young men who do not become maladjusted teens or youths who commit crimes.

I am probably anxious and an over-thinker.

Would you say your husband is maladjusted?

This was my question too.
You come off as paranoid, OP.

Are you immediately suspicious of all men? You know that statistics don’t dictate YOUR son choices and outcomes, right?
The weird part is that if you heard someone try to insert the word “black” in front of that “young man” negative statistic and then try to use that to justify their “worry” that black young men are just going to rob them, you’d probably be outraged! (And rightfully so!)
But You are (mis)using statistics to support your own negative bias against an entire group of people…males. You know it’s wrong when it’s fine according to race though.
So please apply that to all groups that you lump together.

Yep, another post trying to argue with OP about her thoughts when her post was not about these topics but about her DH's behaviors, which are huge red flags.

To OP, I really wish you hadn't said in such detail what you told your DH because, as you see, some PPs are focused on bashing your opinions on raising boys etc. and not on your husband's frankly overblown, hair-trigger reactions. Please, OP, filter out the people who only are seeing your opinions and reacting to those.

You have MUCH bigger things to think about now than whether you'd be a good mother for a boy or the state of publishing etc. You need instead to think hard: Was your DH always like this? Is it a change? If it's a change--what happened to cause it? Are you willing to deal with this kind of shutting you down merely for thinking out loud and wanting to share things with the person with whom you should be able to share everything? (You shouldn't be willing, by the way.).

You have been given the gift of his waving a red flag in your face with this behavior. Use that gift. Sit down, think hard about whether this is really the first time he's reacted like this or if it's really been around longer than you were admitting. Figure out if he's being swayed by something that's making him go off about "elites" on one topic, and spout about women being mass shooters (patently wrong, so why did he double down with fantasy statistics?). Is he generally conservative-minded? Touchy? Does the silent treatment? Don't answer me here. Go think about it and see if there's a pattern. Then, consider how to talk to him when he's calmed down and clearly (but no tears, and no finger-pointing either) say how baffling and out of proportion his reactions have been. See what he does then.

Do not, do not, do NOT get pregnant, OP. You need to figure out if he's like this on a deeper level and maybe always has been, or if he's somehow breaking down. Either way, you can't take this kind of nutty reaction and say nothing.

Listen to this person.

[Anonymous]

Wait a second. So if my spouse or anyone for that matter insists on saying crazy stuff like she thinks if you have male children they will become mass shooters and then when you try and hide from the crazy she comes and chases you down, it's the fault of the person who is being chased around the house?


Switch genders. What op said is like if her husband said "I'm afraid if we have daughters in this day and age they will be become promiscuous sluts and do porn or only fans ."

You'd surely be cheering him on right.?

[Anonymous]

I’d honestly divorce before having kids. I’m married to someone with ADHD and has trouble with emotional regulation- he’s quick to temper and over similar things but not as bad as your husband. It’s so exhausting and defeating, and it’s been worse since having a baby since we are both exhausted. You can try therapy but he should also see someone on his own and want to work on himself for there to be any improvement. Men like your DH will only get worse with kids and he doesn’t seem to really like you. You deserve better. I wish I paid more attention to how my DH interacted with me - of course he was nicer at the start of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a second. So if my spouse or anyone for that matter insists on saying crazy stuff like she thinks if you have male children they will become mass shooters and then when you try and hide from the crazy she comes and chases you down, it's the fault of the person who is being chased around the house?


Switch genders. What op said is like if her husband said "I'm afraid if we have daughters in this day and age they will be become promiscuous sluts and do porn or only fans ."

You'd surely be cheering him on right.?

There's near-universal consensus that OP's worry about a newborn baby being a murderer if it has testes is bonkers.

But you're skirting right by his declaration that she disrespected him by . . . mentioning a news article about an "Elite". She can be bonkers without absolving him of his batshittiness. This isn't a game of choose your gender and defend it to the death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out, OP, while you can.

+1. And many things to worry about with girls but the possibility of them shooting people is like way way way down there. I’m a mom of three girls.

[Anonymous]

Another vote that both OP and her DH are bonkers.

Def feels like OP posted in an attempt to virtue signal re: boys becoming shooters.

My guess is these two have had many conversations like this and both are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Sterilize them both. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been really angry and rude to me because he says I disrespected him by bringing up the following 2 "charged" topics:

- Yesterday morning, I was reading the Andrew Wylie article in the NYT. I thought it was interesting and enlightening. When Husband wakes up I tell him about it and he instantly gets angry saying he hates the elites and they have destroyed out country and how they are so wrong about what good literature even is. He tells me, "you and I have VERY different ideas about this!" and starts huffing and puffing about how he loathes snobbery.

I...just wanted to have a discussion about the state of the publishing industry these days and it was a huge triggering topic for him.

- This morning I was in a conference call with a boss from work who was talking about her male children. After getting off the call, I was making small talk with my husband as he was making lunch in the kitchen and I started musing about how it would feel to have a boy and whether I could be a "boy mom" and that I probably want a girl. He says he wants a boy. I follow-up to that saying that it may be a little complicated to raise a boy as you have to worry about ensuring they are socialized early and well so they aren't lonely and fall into depression. I said that I worry that maladjusted boys have a risk of doing disruptive things such as mass shootings and such. This triggered him. He started to get angry and said that wasn't true and that at least 40% of shooters are women. I was confused as that did not align with any of the data i have read so far. And I told him so. He was angry and said i am a misandrist and that I am insulting him as he is a man! And he did not like that I make generalizations about his gender!

I am increasingly confused and say that none of this is personal. He gets angry and says he does not want to do this anymore and raises his hand in the air to signal that he does not want to talk, walks away and shits the door to his room.

He has since been in his room and is stone walling me. I went over 10 minutes ago and he said he is still angry and that i hurt his feelings! Thsee topics are charged topics for him and I continue expressing my opinion and making him angry.

Isn't he overblowing this? Or am I crazy?

He sounds nuts. You sound a little off too

This is OP. Why am I a little off? I was raised in a family of all girls and have little experience with boys. I want to raise good, upstanding young men who do not become maladjusted teens or youths who commit crimes.

I am probably anxious and an over-thinker.

Would you say your husband is maladjusted?

This was my question too.
You come off as paranoid, OP.

Are you immediately suspicious of all men? You know that statistics don’t dictate YOUR son choices and outcomes, right?
The weird part is that if you heard someone try to insert the word “black” in front of that “young man” negative statistic and then try to use that to justify their “worry” that black young men are just going to rob them, you’d probably be outraged! (And rightfully so!)
But You are (mis)using statistics to support your own negative bias against an entire group of people…males. You know it’s wrong when it’s fine according to race though.
So please apply that to all groups that you lump together.

Yep, another post trying to argue with OP about her thoughts when her post was not about these topics but about her DH's behaviors, which are huge red flags.

To OP, I really wish you hadn't said in such detail what you told your DH because, as you see, some PPs are focused on bashing your opinions on raising boys etc. and not on your husband's frankly overblown, hair-trigger reactions. Please, OP, filter out the people who only are seeing your opinions and reacting to those.

You have MUCH bigger things to think about now than whether you'd be a good mother for a boy or the state of publishing etc. You need instead to think hard: Was your DH always like this? Is it a change? If it's a change--what happened to cause it? Are you willing to deal with this kind of shutting you down merely for thinking out loud and wanting to share things with the person with whom you should be able to share everything? (You shouldn't be willing, by the way.).

You have been given the gift of his waving a red flag in your face with this behavior. Use that gift. Sit down, think hard about whether this is really the first time he's reacted like this or if it's really been around longer than you were admitting. Figure out if he's being swayed by something that's making him go off about "elites" on one topic, and spout about women being mass shooters (patently wrong, so why did he double down with fantasy statistics?). Is he generally conservative-minded? Touchy? Does the silent treatment? Don't answer me here. Go think about it and see if there's a pattern. Then, consider how to talk to him when he's calmed down and clearly (but no tears, and no finger-pointing either) say how baffling and out of proportion his reactions have been. See what he does then.

Do not, do not, do NOT get pregnant, OP. You need to figure out if he's like this on a deeper level and maybe always has been, or if he's somehow breaking down. Either way, you can't take this kind of nutty reaction and say nothing.

I’m the PP you quoted and I think you are actually the one who is missing the point (along with OP).
It’s not about whether *I* think her viewpoint is valid. (I don’t. I think it’s super hyperbolic and odd for a potential
Mom to group her own offspring into a category rather than treat him as an individual before he’s even been formed in her womb and out in the world.)…but the issue is that her *DH* actually thinks she has lost her marbles and her viewpoint isn’t grounded in reason. So my point in “focusing” on her opinions is to help her see why he might find them offensive and off-putting.
They are a married and she maybe ought to care about WHY her shockingly over-generalized fears may have upset him.

You all can say he’s an unreasonable jerk and OP should never have married him.
But unless OP is willing to say she has terrible judgment in people and agrees that he’s generally just a total jerk and she completely missed that about him
until now, then it’s possible she may want to attempt to understand where he’s coming from rather than condemn him.
Doesn’t speak very highly of OP if it turns out she just married a total jerk.
It’s possible, of course, but I like to first remind spouses that they should at least try to find the reasonable explanation (if there is one) rather than ascribe evil motives to their own spouses.
But sure, you can just affirm that he’s a jerk and she can go about getting confirmation bias in order to feel superior on her way to divorce court.

[Anonymous]

You are nuts op. So is he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been really angry and rude to me because he says I disrespected him by bringing up the following 2 "charged" topics:

- Yesterday morning, I was reading the Andrew Wylie article in the NYT. I thought it was interesting and enlightening. When Husband wakes up I tell him about it and he instantly gets angry saying he hates the elites and they have destroyed out country and how they are so wrong about what good literature even is. He tells me, "you and I have VERY different ideas about this!" and starts huffing and puffing about how he loathes snobbery.

I...just wanted to have a discussion about the state of the publishing industry these days and it was a huge triggering topic for him.

- This morning I was in a conference call with a boss from work who was talking about her male children. After getting off the call, I was making small talk with my husband as he was making lunch in the kitchen and I started musing about how it would feel to have a boy and whether I could be a "boy mom" and that I probably want a girl. He says he wants a boy. I follow-up to that saying that it may be a little complicated to raise a boy as you have to worry about ensuring they are socialized early and well so they aren't lonely and fall into depression. I said that I worry that maladjusted boys have a risk of doing disruptive things such as mass shootings and such. This triggered him. He started to get angry and said that wasn't true and that at least 40% of shooters are women. I was confused as that did not align with any of the data i have read so far. And I told him so. He was angry and said i am a misandrist and that I am insulting him as he is a man! And he did not like that I make generalizations about his gender!

I am increasingly confused and say that none of this is personal. He gets angry and says he does not want to do this anymore and raises his hand in the air to signal that he does not want to talk, walks away and shits the door to his room.

He has since been in his room and is stone walling me. I went over 10 minutes ago and he said he is still angry and that i hurt his feelings! Thsee topics are charged topics for him and I continue expressing my opinion and making him angry.

Isn't he overblowing this? Or am I crazy?

He sounds nuts. You sound a little off too

This is OP. Why am I a little off? I was raised in a family of all girls and have little experience with boys. I want to raise good, upstanding young men who do not become maladjusted teens or youths who commit crimes.

I am probably anxious and an over-thinker.

You are a little off because you married this.

He’s nuts, OP. Get out while there is time.