Should we medicate our teen daughter for anxiety

[Anonymous]

Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

[Anonymous]

To the poster insisting anxiety always has some underlying cause.

My child has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I likely have it in a milder form, though have no official diagnosis.

The anxiety often arises as a free floating feeling, rather than one coming from some specific cause. I can literally see the thought process in my daughter (and identify it in myself) as the brain goes looking for a cause to attach to the anxiety, because a feeling without an obvious logical cause is unsettling. The reason she will ultimately settle on for the anxious feeling has *nothing* to do with causing it. It is a feeling in search of a cause. The underlying cause is brain chemistry and genetics. The best coping mechanisms are tools to balance brain chemistry (sleep, diet, and, yes, most definitely medication) combined with learning to identify when this is happening and develop tools for managing it - but that is a hard skill to learn, and one a lot of teens haven't mastered yet. (Heck, a lot of adults haven't mastered it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

No, thanks. I wouldn't call you to watch my cat, much less to give me advice on my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take this with a grain of salt as I have two neurotypical teens.

If your daughter had a physical illness and all your home remedies weren't curing that physical illness, wouldn't your next step be to take her to the doctor and get a medication to alleviate the symptoms/make it better?

Couldn't the same be said of a mental illness such as anxiety? If your daughter was physically sick and no homeopathic treatments were working, it would be common sense to give her medicine. Why the hesitation when treating a mental illness?

Good luck.

+1

My Dd has anxiety and she got onto meds and is much better.

I am not understanding why you would not medicate for an illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

No, thanks. I wouldn't call you to watch my cat, much less to give me advice on my kid.

Ok, then, you get hit by your kid and your kid is probably 2. You know it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

No, thanks. I wouldn't call you to watch my cat, much less to give me advice on my kid.

Ok, then, you get hit by your kid and your kid is probably 2. You know it all.

My kid is 15 and he will never hit me because I raised him right. That sounds like a parenting problem and not an anxiety problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

No, thanks. I wouldn't call you to watch my cat, much less to give me advice on my kid.

Ok, then, you get hit by your kid and your kid is probably 2. You know it all.

My kid is 15 and he will never hit me because I raised him right. That sounds like a parenting problem and not an anxiety problem.

Congratulations on your NT kid. Some kids need meds to not be violent - I did the best I could with mine, but without medication he's violent. I'm not the PP, but its not always parenting - sometimes its brain chemistry that needs medication and therapy to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

You would tell your severely anxious teen that you would kick them out? DCUM never fails to shock me. Worst advice ever!!!

Oh yes, I did. Call me when you 17-year-old athlete starts being physical with you.

No, thanks. I wouldn't call you to watch my cat, much less to give me advice on my kid.

Ok, then, you get hit by your kid and your kid is probably 2. You know it all.

My kid is 15 and he will never hit me because I raised him right. That sounds like a parenting problem and not an anxiety problem.

Congratulations on your NT kid. Some kids need meds to not be violent - I did the best I could with mine, but without medication he's violent. I'm not the PP, but its not always parenting - sometimes its brain chemistry that needs medication and therapy to address.

PP you're responding to. My child is not NT. He on the spectrum and has severe anxiety. I get that sometimes they are violent. But my response would never and will never be to kick my severely anxious child out of the house. A lot of the times IT IS parenting when it comes to how our teens interact with us. My child is medicated and in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar boat OP. Except ours doesn’t even want therapy. She’s 12. She is really struggling with a lot of the social dynamics of middle school. She’s such a sweet kid and it’s hard to watch her struggle. It’s also hard on my older DD as we try to manage the younger one’s issues. I think it is likely interfering with their ability to have a close relationship. Breaks my heart. I don’t know if we should force her to therapy - we are considering it.

Would she consider books? There are some good books about anxiety and social dynamics for middle school kids that might be helpful and feel more accessible than therapy.

As a parent of a kiddo with social anxiety we're found therapy particularly difficult. Our child is already anxious about talking to people, so the odds that she's going to talk with even the most well-meaning, kind therapist about the things that make her the most anxious are approximately zero. At a weekly appointment pace it would likely take YEARS before she reached that comfort level, if she ever got there. (In fourth grade she finally talked to the school speech therapist about the social worries - and that was after seeing her weekly since kindergarten.) And it would be a battle to get her to go to the appointments every week. For now we have chosen to get coaching for us in supporting her, along with books and other resources that she can access without triggering her anxiety.

hard to speak to people like Selective Mutism? If so, please know there are a lot of terrible local providers claiming to treat SM. Truly skilled SM practitioners (like at ChildMind and some other places) are much better at this. (there are some ok local providers too)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.

I think you did the right thing. Anxiety or not, boys especially respond to consequences less talk. There is never an excuse to be violent and if my child did that, I would have said something similar . Good job mom (or dad). I hope it works out for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar boat OP. Except ours doesn’t even want therapy. She’s 12. She is really struggling with a lot of the social dynamics of middle school. She’s such a sweet kid and it’s hard to watch her struggle. It’s also hard on my older DD as we try to manage the younger one’s issues. I think it is likely interfering with their ability to have a close relationship. Breaks my heart. I don’t know if we should force her to therapy - we are considering it.

Would she consider books? There are some good books about anxiety and social dynamics for middle school kids that might be helpful and feel more accessible than therapy.

As a parent of a kiddo with social anxiety we're found therapy particularly difficult. Our child is already anxious about talking to people, so the odds that she's going to talk with even the most well-meaning, kind therapist about the things that make her the most anxious are approximately zero. At a weekly appointment pace it would likely take YEARS before she reached that comfort level, if she ever got there. (In fourth grade she finally talked to the school speech therapist about the social worries - and that was after seeing her weekly since kindergarten.) And it would be a battle to get her to go to the appointments every week. For now we have chosen to get coaching for us in supporting her, along with books and other resources that she can access without triggering her anxiety.

hard to speak to people like Selective Mutism? If so, please know there are a lot of terrible local providers claiming to treat SM. Truly skilled SM practitioners (like at ChildMind and some other places) are much better at this. (there are some ok local providers too)

Yes, actually, she does have mild Selective Mutism. She was always able to do the minimum to get by at school, spoke when called on, etc., but wasn't able to, say, speak up when the teacher forgot her when handing out worksheets (and once got sent home from school sick when she was fine because she froze up and wouldn't talk to the nurse). She didn't speak to people like waiters, store clerks, etc. - just totally froze. And yes, we've found a lot of people who claim to treat selective mutism and aren't great at it. She's doing much better these days thanks to the speech therapist I mentioned above, who really read up on selective mutism and worked with her on it. She ordered for herself in a restaurant last night, and actually came home sick early from school today, which required navigating her teacher, the office staff, etc. - something she likely couldn't have handled before. Also, medication was a game changer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are torn. Our daughter who is extremely smart has major anxiety and it has become the main reason for fights at our home. We are trying our best to be supportive but to me almost feels like she wants negative attention where we argue with her.

We are at our wits end. Anything that has worked with Anxiety. She has been in therapy for 2 months and we will continue with it.

Any pros and cons of medicating our child. Can they ever get off. We are so nervous and heartbroken to see her so upset for certain thing that she always ends up exceling in.

We are a zero pressure family. Please be kind in your advice. Thanks.

Would you medicate her for cancer or diabetes?

There’s your answer.

[Anonymous]

Read this.

https://www.amazon.com/Weve-Got-Issues-Children-Medication/dp/1594487545