I secretly hate my spouse’s eye color (brown)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wish they were blue, is all. I would never disclose this is real life. Is this THAT bad of a thought?

Only you know and I know what blue eyes represent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest thing on DCUM today and I'm sure you know what a feat that is.

You’re not the first PP to respond with this, but why do you think it’s stupid? I can see shallow and racist, but why stupid?

Dp Because what is the point except telling us how shallow the op is. If they didn't like brown eyes why did you marry someone with brown eyes? So, it is your problem op

I’m OP. I married him because I love him. I just wish his eyes were blue. It’s not the end of the world that they’re not. It’s just a personal preference.

"wish his eyes were blue?" Will that make him a better person? NO. But,you thinking this and sharing makes you a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

A more interesting conversation might be focused on how blue eyes are portrayed as something desirable and worthy of note in all forms of media. OP formed her preference based on something. I always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes in magazine articles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A more interesting conversation might be focused on how blue eyes are portrayed as something desirable and worthy of note in all forms of media. OP formed her preference based on something. I always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes in magazine articles.

DP. "All forms of media"? You "always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes" in magazines?

I've never noticed either as being prevalent. I'd think this might be a function of the specific types of media you're personally consuming or noticing, not "all forms of media." That's a vastly broad claim. If you have some concrete examples or studies, that's one thing, but anecdotal impressions that you've seen blue eyes described as especially desirable sounds very 1950s to be honest. I don't mean that as a slam, I mean that it's just not what I'm actually seeing currently on social media, models in catalogues, children's book illustrations these days, profiles in publications, etc.

The increase in Latino, Asian and other actors in more prominent roles in recent years, and the increase in coverage of such actors/celebrities etc., would seem to indicate that we're all seeing more brown eyes, across a wide range of brown-to-nearly-black, than ever before. I haven't (anecdotally!) seen or heard any criticism of those eye colors, any more than I've seen praise of blue as "desirable and worthy of note."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest thing on DCUM today and I'm sure you know what a feat that is.

You’re not the first PP to respond with this, but why do you think it’s stupid? I can see shallow and racist, but why stupid?

It's a stupid post because:

1. HE WAS BORN THIS WAY AND YOU KNEW WHAT HIS EYE COLOR WAS WHEN YOU MARRIED HIM
2. other than wearing contacts, HE CAN'T CHANGE A DAMN THING ABOUT IT
3. Who goes around "hating" the eye color of their spouse? This is definitely a new one for DCUM
4. The vast majority of people in this world have brown eyes. So, get used to it.

-dp

Are you triggered because you have brown eyes? Your comment seems a bit unhinged.

I do indeed have brown eyes, but I'm Asian, so I can't help it. My DH (white) has gray/blue eyes.

I just think OP's post is really stupid and incredibly shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest thing on DCUM today and I'm sure you know what a feat that is.

You’re not the first PP to respond with this, but why do you think it’s stupid? I can see shallow and racist, but why stupid?

Dp Because what is the point except telling us how shallow the op is. If they didn't like brown eyes why did you marry someone with brown eyes? So, it is your problem op

I’m OP. I married him because I love him. I just wish his eyes were blue. It’s not the end of the world that they’re not. It’s just a personal preference.

Well, I guess then you can't have everything you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A more interesting conversation might be focused on how blue eyes are portrayed as something desirable and worthy of note in all forms of media. OP formed her preference based on something. I always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes in magazine articles.

Portrayed? It’s because they’re pretty. Nobody thinks the color brown in general is pretty. It’s…brown. Blue is the pretty color of the sky, the ocean, and light eyes.

[Anonymous]

I would love to know what her husband hates about her body and would love to change.

Imagine the uproar on DCUM if a DH got on here and said "I really hate my DW's "insert body part" and wish it was ...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: Yes, preference for blue eyes is racist because it's inherently preferring a trait that by and large only white people have and that is genetically determined. Sorry if that shocks or offends anyone who never put two and two together and thought it was innocuous all their lives. I only realized it myself when I was in my 30s.

ETA: I would soften the use of "racist" to say "biased," i.e., strong preference for/praise of blue eyes evinces unconscious bias, and the social preference for blue eyes is likely linked to bias.

It’s not a bias to simply prefer something you were born with or prominent in your own family. It’s probably just instincts and of course blue is simply a really pretty color. Blue is the most common response to people’s favorite color.

[Anonymous]

My spouse has blue. I have brown. DS has brown. When he was little he'd tell me how much he disliked "light eyes" and was so happy he had brown ones! To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’ll agree to wear blue contacts if you agree to a boob job. Or maybe disposable ones once to at least fulfill a bedroom fantasy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. Everyone in my family has blue eyes and DH’s are dark dark brown. Our kids’ eyes are all hazel but it would be nice if one of them had my eye color.

At any point in your education did you learn about a monk named Mendel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A more interesting conversation might be focused on how blue eyes are portrayed as something desirable and worthy of note in all forms of media. OP formed her preference based on something. I always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes in magazine articles.

Portrayed? It’s because they’re pretty. Nobody thinks the color brown in general is pretty. It’s…brown. Blue is the pretty color of the sky, the ocean, and light eyes.

I think that brown is a pretty color! It's the color of the earth. My favorite dress is brown, yellow, and orange. My spouse's eyes are blue, as are mine, but I really don't care what color they happen to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wish they were blue, is all. I would never disclose this is real life. Is this THAT bad of a thought?

I get it. You're just venting anonymously. Expect a ton of hate and snark here, though. I get what you're saying, but maybe reframe away from "I hate spouse's eye color" to "I like blue eyes." See the difference? It's not about wishing your spouse were different, it's about acknowledging there's something else you find attractive and owning that in your head. Then: Consider that your spouse's brown eyes are the ones you get to look into when you need support, affection, when you have a kid, when there's a milestone.

It's OK to have things you find attractive, period, which your spouse simply doesn't possess. It becomes a problem only if you think of it as "I hate this about spouse" instead of "Isn't X objectively attractive on people!" Just balance things in your head with what your spouse does bring to the table. There's an actor I follow who has eyes which are not the same color as DH's; I just enjoy those stunning eyes on actor guy, but it doesn't make me wish DH's were the same. (I'm sure DH could say the same about me, as I know he likes blonde hair and I'm brunette! But he tells me he loves my hair and I know it's because its my hair, not because he objectively prefers brunettes.)
.

I am enjoying the snark, but this right here is your answer. This person is kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A more interesting conversation might be focused on how blue eyes are portrayed as something desirable and worthy of note in all forms of media. OP formed her preference based on something. I always notice mention of tow-heads and blue eyes in magazine articles.

Portrayed? It’s because they’re pretty. Nobody thinks the color brown in general is pretty. It’s…brown. Blue is the pretty color of the sky, the ocean, and light eyes.

I feel like this is a bit of a fail on the part of the American education system. It’s not just that people don’t know that a preference for blue eyes has in the past been associated with racism, but they keep responding that there cannot be a connection because of some random, unrelated fact or opinion.

I don’t actually think a preference for blue eyes is racist or even always biased but to say the claim is absurd, having done no research about it, is a pretty ignorant way to go about life.