My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

It’s a mix of luck AND judgement. It’s impossible to know what life will throw at you and how people will change and grow around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.

+1 million I'm struggling with this right now as my husband has become very difficult and emotionally abusive over the past 5 years and I watch some of theses husbands (and read a post like this one) that just fill me with jealousy and longing. I would have loved to experience a life like that for even a day and watching someone else have SO MUCH of a great relationship and family life just breaks my heart even more.

Work on it together, or leave.

I recently attended a 2nd-marriage wedding. Upgrading is worth the effort.

This is the PP you quoted. Yes I agree we would have needed to work on it together, but he refuses to even discuss it (first red flag from when we were dating 30 years ago--I know I should have run but I was 20 and desperate for someone because of my home life).
My sister just sent me a picture of something her second husband had made for her and which she has hanging on her wall. It says: It's never too late for Happily Ever After.

Performative declarations of love usually are a sign of trouble. In this case it’s literally a sign.

Agreee. I divorced my ex-wife when the biddy gave me an anniversary card.

Performative means for the sake of the show. It’s designed to how the world how good of a partner rather than being a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

It’s a mix of luck AND judgement. It’s impossible to know what life will throw at you and how people will change and grow around that.

Yes but basic character doesn't change short of some physical or psychological reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

It’s a mix of luck AND judgement. It’s impossible to know what life will throw at you and how people will change and grow around that.

Yes but basic character doesn't change short of some physical or psychological reason.

Then the luck was being able to suss that out before crises hits. Or not testing that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

It’s a mix of luck AND judgement. It’s impossible to know what life will throw at you and how people will change and grow around that.

This exactly. Hoping for a person with “ potential” to get better is taking unnecessary risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

Your sister's husband isn't special. It should be seen as the norm. Stop settling for trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

It’s a mix of luck AND judgement. It’s impossible to know what life will throw at you and how people will change and grow around that.

Yes but basic character doesn't change short of some physical or psychological reason.

Then the luck was being able to suss that out before crises hits. Or not testing that out.

NP - or luck that someone met this amazing person in the first place. Not everyone does.

Also - the whole "basic character doesn't change" thing - some elements of a person aren't really activated outside of specific situations that, again, are impossible to predict. I guess that's the "psychological reason," but it's also fairly common. The bottom line is that it's lousy to judge others for "not holding out" and ignoring the role luck plays in all of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

Your sister's husband isn't special. It should be seen as the norm. Stop settling for trash.

DP. Coaching and rubbing her feet? I think that's special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

If we are being honest, OP - and provided your BILs behavior is not for show - you can thank his parents.

My ex BF was like you describe - his wife ended up with a true gem, with a great family!

Maybe your BIL has a brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.

I do know - he's really a kind dude.

Your sister is really kind and isn't envious. You should try to emulate her. Stay away from her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

Your sister's husband isn't special. It should be seen as the norm. Stop settling for trash.

DP. Coaching and rubbing her feet? I think that's special.

A woman who rubs feet is special. Men like touching women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

Your sister's husband isn't special. It should be seen as the norm. Stop settling for trash.

This. BOTH spouses should be like this, not just the DH.

[Anonymous]

The market is rarely wrong.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to hijack but just finished first page - is it envy or jealously when you’re truly happy for the person and just wish you could have what they have with no ill will? I thought it was the former.