My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious

[Anonymous]

OP, are you married?

[Anonymous]

Does your sister rave about him too? I don't know if I would want a guy who does all the cooking and cleaning. What is left for her to do but be neurotic?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I had de ja vous reading this post, did you post almost the same thing word for word a few months ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

I agree with the advice to hold out and not settle, but I still think there is a massive element of luck to it. My husband is amazing too but I have seen people change in ways that a spouse never could have anticipated.

[Anonymous]

I understand the jealousy and can sympathize. It can be tough when the grass looks a lot greener in someone else's lawn.

I publicly have a wonderful husband whom everyone thinks is so funny, fun to be around around and oh so helpful. At home he is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and has zero communication skills.

So while some people really do have it that good, typically people are hiding their true realities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be envious without being jealous.

Be happy for her. He adds to your family at the end of the day, and you benefit from that too. When you have kids, they will have a cool uncle-in-law.

This is great advice.

Other posters are saying that you don't really know if OP's BIL is so great, and that's true. But I don't think it's helpful to think "he's probably actually be a horrible person and faking his goodness" in order to make yourself feel better. The fact is that some people do just get luckier than others and we have to just manage our emotions around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

The way to be loved is to be loving.

Act like him, and you'll attract people like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.

+1 million I'm struggling with this right now as my husband has become very difficult and emotionally abusive over the past 5 years and I watch some of theses husbands (and read a post like this one) that just fill me with jealousy and longing. I would have loved to experience a life like that for even a day and watching someone else have SO MUCH of a great relationship and family life just breaks my heart even more.

Work on it together, or leave.

I recently attended a 2nd-marriage wedding. Upgrading is worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.

+1

This was my DH but my sister knows (we are very close). Totally different person behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

A smart woman would rather be a spinster than married to a guy who turns out to be a mediocre husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.

+1 million I'm struggling with this right now as my husband has become very difficult and emotionally abusive over the past 5 years and I watch some of theses husbands (and read a post like this one) that just fill me with jealousy and longing. I would have loved to experience a life like that for even a day and watching someone else have SO MUCH of a great relationship and family life just breaks my heart even more.

Work on it together, or leave.

I recently attended a 2nd-marriage wedding. Upgrading is worth the effort.

This is the PP you quoted. Yes I agree we would have needed to work on it together, but he refuses to even discuss it (first red flag from when we were dating 30 years ago--I know I should have run but I was 20 and desperate for someone because of my home life).
My sister just sent me a picture of something her second husband had made for her and which she has hanging on her wall. It says: It's never too late for Happily Ever After.

[Anonymous]

That sounds great, op! It’s always great to hear about good men and happy families. They exist!

[Anonymous]

OP - you know too much
or think you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

A smart woman would rather be a spinster than married to a guy who turns out to be a mediocre husband.

Good luck with that and enjoy your family. Single motherhood is no picnic.