My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious

[Anonymous]

This guy shouldn't be the exception, that's the sad part of this post.

[Anonymous]

Honestly my DH was all of those things for the first part of our marriage (first 8-9 years) then hit his 40s and….it all went to heck. Now he has anxiety issues he refuses to seek help for, and serious anger management/emotional control issues. Oh, and started drinking far too much. Probably brought on by work stress? midlife crisis? IDK. But, life is extremely difficult ATM. Total 180.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

A smart woman would rather be a spinster than married to a guy who turns out to be a mediocre husband.

Why?

Partnership has benefits for both mediocre partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy shouldn't be the exception, that's the sad part of this post.

They aren't the exception, but they are with women like OP's sister, not OP, for some reason...

[Anonymous]

My DH does all those things and also has rage issues that you’d never know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

A smart woman would rather be a spinster than married to a guy who turns out to be a mediocre husband.

Why?

Partnership has benefits for both mediocre partners.

Doing cocaine has benefits, but that doesn't mean they outweigh the costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

+1
...and I'm helping my daughters to be equally as selective. It's the most important decision they will ever make.

It doesn’t matter. The old Arab proverb- marriage is a watermelon, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you open it, is quite true.

I’ve met men who seemed absolutely amazing and they turned out to be cheaters, and clever sneaky ones at that. Now I reserve my judgement.

You mustn't squeeze a melon til you get the melon home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

No it’s mostly if you are hot and have the right pedigree and a large degree of luck.

Holding out is not the answer, know so many spinsters waiting for the one.

A smart woman would rather be a spinster than married to a guy who turns out to be a mediocre husband.

Why?

Partnership has benefits for both mediocre partners.

Doing cocaine has benefits, but that doesn't mean they outweigh the costs.

Wow! Good things are better than worse things? Such useful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.

+1 million I'm struggling with this right now as my husband has become very difficult and emotionally abusive over the past 5 years and I watch some of theses husbands (and read a post like this one) that just fill me with jealousy and longing. I would have loved to experience a life like that for even a day and watching someone else have SO MUCH of a great relationship and family life just breaks my heart even more.

Work on it together, or leave.

I recently attended a 2nd-marriage wedding. Upgrading is worth the effort.

This is the PP you quoted. Yes I agree we would have needed to work on it together, but he refuses to even discuss it (first red flag from when we were dating 30 years ago--I know I should have run but I was 20 and desperate for someone because of my home life).
My sister just sent me a picture of something her second husband had made for her and which she has hanging on her wall. It says: It's never too late for Happily Ever After.

Performative declarations of love usually are a sign of trouble. In this case it’s literally a sign.

Agreee. I divorced my ex-wife when the biddy gave me an anniversary card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

+1
...and I'm helping my daughters to be equally as selective. It's the most important decision they will ever make.

It doesn’t matter. The old Arab proverb- marriage is a watermelon, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you open it, is quite true.

I’ve met men who seemed absolutely amazing and they turned out to be cheaters, and clever sneaky ones at that. Now I reserve my judgement.

No it's not. Yes people can change but a lot of women marry potential they see in the guy rather than the guy himself and they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I believe luck plays a big role, but the odds of your partner getting better rather than worse after marriage are poor and it's wise to hedge your bets.

Look how many women in this very thread describe their husbands as excellent UNTIL… a midlife crisis affair, or anxiety turned them into raging jerks.

No one here is a clairvoyant and people are complicated and full of contradictions… that includes men! Patting yourself on the back for how excellent you are at choosing men is just really asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

+1
...and I'm helping my daughters to be equally as selective. It's the most important decision they will ever make.

It doesn’t matter. The old Arab proverb- marriage is a watermelon, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you open it, is quite true.

I’ve met men who seemed absolutely amazing and they turned out to be cheaters, and clever sneaky ones at that. Now I reserve my judgement.

No it's not. Yes people can change but a lot of women marry potential they see in the guy rather than the guy himself and they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I believe luck plays a big role, but the odds of your partner getting better rather than worse after marriage are poor and it's wise to hedge your bets.

Look how many women in this very thread describe their husbands as excellent UNTIL… a midlife crisis affair, or anxiety turned them into raging jerks.

No one here is a clairvoyant and people are complicated and full of contradictions… that includes men! Patting yourself on the back for how excellent you are at choosing men is just really asking for trouble.

I'm not ignoring the fact that people change and you can't see the future. I'm saying that to say "you don't know what you're going to get until you're open it" isn't totally true. You can know with certainty that a watermelon that smells bad is going to be bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

+1
...and I'm helping my daughters to be equally as selective. It's the most important decision they will ever make.

It doesn’t matter. The old Arab proverb- marriage is a watermelon, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you open it, is quite true.

I’ve met men who seemed absolutely amazing and they turned out to be cheaters, and clever sneaky ones at that. Now I reserve my judgement.

No it's not. Yes people can change but a lot of women marry potential they see in the guy rather than the guy himself and they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I believe luck plays a big role, but the odds of your partner getting better rather than worse after marriage are poor and it's wise to hedge your bets.

Look how many women in this very thread describe their husbands as excellent UNTIL… a midlife crisis affair, or anxiety turned them into raging jerks.

No one here is a clairvoyant and people are complicated and full of contradictions… that includes men! Patting yourself on the back for how excellent you are at choosing men is just really asking for trouble.

I'm not ignoring the fact that people change and you can't see the future. I'm saying that to say "you don't know what you're going to get until you're open it" isn't totally true. You can know with certainty that a watermelon that smells bad is going to be bad.

But that’s when it’s obvious. When is the last time you saw a bad watermelon that smelled? I’ve bought plenty that looked fine. Sometimes it’s easy to say a red flag was obvious in retrospect, but a lot of times even the most abusive people are extremely subtle. Or there was a hint of selfishness, but you dismissed it because everything else about him was so great. Or he was a bit sloppy but it didn’t seem like a big deal. Or he was super-focused in his career and you found that very attractive. Or he was the life of the party and you were a homebody and it was a breath of fresh air. Sometimes you BOTH have red flags that combine in the most catastrophic way, when with another person things might have been fine. Life is so complex and these women who are so self-congratulatory seem like such fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

+1
...and I'm helping my daughters to be equally as selective. It's the most important decision they will ever make.

It doesn’t matter. The old Arab proverb- marriage is a watermelon, you don’t know what you’re going to get until you open it, is quite true.

I’ve met men who seemed absolutely amazing and they turned out to be cheaters, and clever sneaky ones at that. Now I reserve my judgement.

No it's not. Yes people can change but a lot of women marry potential they see in the guy rather than the guy himself and they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I believe luck plays a big role, but the odds of your partner getting better rather than worse after marriage are poor and it's wise to hedge your bets.

Look how many women in this very thread describe their husbands as excellent UNTIL… a midlife crisis affair, or anxiety turned them into raging jerks.

No one here is a clairvoyant and people are complicated and full of contradictions… that includes men! Patting yourself on the back for how excellent you are at choosing men is just really asking for trouble.

I'm not ignoring the fact that people change and you can't see the future. I'm saying that to say "you don't know what you're going to get until you're open it" isn't totally true. You can know with certainty that a watermelon that smells bad is going to be bad.

But that’s when it’s obvious. When is the last time you saw a bad watermelon that smelled? I’ve bought plenty that looked fine. Sometimes it’s easy to say a red flag was obvious in retrospect, but a lot of times even the most abusive people are extremely subtle. Or there was a hint of selfishness, but you dismissed it because everything else about him was so great. Or he was a bit sloppy but it didn’t seem like a big deal. Or he was super-focused in his career and you found that very attractive. Or he was the life of the party and you were a homebody and it was a breath of fresh air. Sometimes you BOTH have red flags that combine in the most catastrophic way, when with another person things might have been fine. Life is so complex and these women who are so self-congratulatory seem like such fools.

I agree that the "I chose well and you should have too" crowd are being obtuse and often downright cruel, but I do think that there is also something to be said for being picky in a partner which will stave off problems down the road. Not all problems, but many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!

How did they meet?

[Anonymous]

OP, nice touch working your sister's "many neurotic qualities" into your BIL love letter. It's plain as day that he married the wrong sister.