DH does not take care of any life administration tasks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you will complain about how he does it even if it gets completed on time, add a bunch of irrelevant variables, and then ask why he did ask a bunch of irrelevant questions. He isn’t avoiding doing it, he is avoiding the fall out.

Then he should do it right and no one would complain. Yes, there is a right way to do things.

This is exactly why the submissivr partner "drops the rope". It's more efficient to not try than to try and always be wrong per the spouses whims.

If you insist upon a submissive husband, you have to take responsibility for the household.

[Anonymous]

NAH.

If you aren't compatible, you aren't compatible.

[Anonymous]

Why makes more money in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope with his family members. And especially his friends, WTF.

+1 this is obvious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

Same. I handle every admin task. He does all the labor - groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, doctor appts (although I will do them if my work schedule is better that day, school drop off, etc. Neither of us really want to trade.

Important thing is him understanding how much work the admin stuff is. He will never be good at it so he needs to do other stuff to compensate.

Is it really that much work?
I have four kids, including two teenage boys, so I know that it’s different, but I feel like that stuff (groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, school drop-off, after school activities) is most of my life outside of work.
I would say that I spend about 5% of the time I spend on this stuff on admin stuff.

No wonder DH and I always feel like we can’t get our poop in a group.

Different poster, but we have a similar situation. I do all the mental load and my hsuband does more of the physical labor. That said, I do all meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. I think we are really about 50/50.

That said, we have a kid with profound special needs that requires boatloads more paperwork and logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope with his family members. And especially his friends, WTF.

+1 this is obvious

yep - agree with the above poster that do things that you care about whether that's finances etc; but you shouldn't need to remind him to keep in touch with his mom and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you will complain about how he does it even if it gets completed on time, add a bunch of irrelevant variables, and then ask why he did ask a bunch of irrelevant questions. He isn’t avoiding doing it, he is avoiding the fall out.

Not in my case. He doesn't do it because he doesn't get prestige, pay, or pleasure from household tasks or caring from his children. No matter how much I lower my expectations, praised him for half-assing it, or tried to live without things being done well or at all, he just will not pull his weight.

Bingo!

Many women here are blaming the women. Several articles have been written showing polls that even when women WOTH, they still do more of the work at home. It is tiring.

[Anonymous]

I do all the administration tasks too. But I don’t do the ones for his family. We have a shared calendar and he knows what we need to get done each day.

[Anonymous]

My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

Holy schnikes, that sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

Holy schnikes, that sounds miserable.

^ This response made me LOL. Just what everyone needs..to have home life feel like the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

Holy schnikes, that sounds miserable.

^ This response made me LOL. Just what everyone needs..to have home life feel like the office.

If you indulge this behavior you feel like his secretary, so it's office life either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

Holy schnikes, that sounds miserable.

It's either this or you feel like you're his secretary. Or that he's your wee summer intern. It's the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is generally pretty good, but there's still some imbalances in "seeing things" that need to be done.

So I started telling him that I want him to pay attention to our home and family details the same way he pays attention to work stuff. I know his boss doesn't have to tell him 3 times about a meeting, and if he has a question, he checks his calendar first. So I started saying "check the calendar" when he'd ask me questions. He tried to push me saying "but I know you know" and I would say "and you can know too, if you read the emails AND THE CALENDAR". If you still have questions sure. But if you wouldn't bother a coworker with a question like "when is that meeting?" because you know you can do your own research to figure it out, then don't bother me like that.

It has helped it click for him a little. And point out how much he does it every week and how it adds to the dynamic of me "organizing" and he's just "along for the ride".

OP, I'm not sure your DH is ever going to change. I'd be looking towards the door if he can't manage basic life functions. I don't want to be my DH's life manager.

Holy schnikes, that sounds miserable.

It's either this or you feel like you're his secretary. Or that he's your wee summer intern. It's the worst.

Or you know, you end up feelings like friends and spouses. I cannot imagine telling my wife that she should "check the calendar" if she asked about a date for a meeting and I had the answer already in my head. I wouldn't even do that to a co-worker. How absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

Same. I handle every admin task. He does all the labor - groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, doctor appts (although I will do them if my work schedule is better that day, school drop off, etc. Neither of us really want to trade.

Important thing is him understanding how much work the admin stuff is. He will never be good at it so he needs to do other stuff to compensate.

Is it really that much work?
I have four kids, including two teenage boys, so I know that it’s different, but I feel like that stuff (groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, school drop-off, after school activities) is most of my life outside of work.
I would say that I spend about 5% of the time I spend on this stuff on admin stuff.

No wonder DH and I always feel like we can’t get our poop in a group. [/quote

WHAT?

It means getting your sh** together, which is slang for being organized