DH does not take care of any life administration tasks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing things. Why are you managing his relationship with his mother?

He doesn't call her so she comes to me. Same with the friends.

Stop.

Send them to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing things. Why are you managing his relationship with his mother?

He doesn't call her so she comes to me. Same with the friends.

Stop.

Send them to him.

Respond to their texts with his cell phone number

[Anonymous]

First I need to know the distribution of your family's HHI from him and from you. How much income do you and he bring in each?

[Anonymous]

not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First I need to know the distribution of your family's HHI from him and from you. How much income do you and he bring in each?

This is irrelevant if they are both working FT, as stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

Same. I handle every admin task. He does all the labor - groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, doctor appts (although I will do them if my work schedule is better that day, school drop off, etc. Neither of us really want to trade.

Important thing is him understanding how much work the admin stuff is. He will never be good at it so he needs to do other stuff to compensate.

[Anonymous]

Because you will complain about how he does it even if it gets completed on time, add a bunch of irrelevant variables, and then ask why he did ask a bunch of irrelevant questions. He isn’t avoiding doing it, he is avoiding the fall out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you will complain about how he does it even if it gets completed on time, add a bunch of irrelevant variables, and then ask why he did ask a bunch of irrelevant questions. He isn’t avoiding doing it, he is avoiding the fall out.

Not in my case. He doesn't do it because he doesn't get prestige, pay, or pleasure from household tasks or caring from his children. No matter how much I lower my expectations, praised him for half-assing it, or tried to live without things being done well or at all, he just will not pull his weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

Same. I handle every admin task. He does all the labor - groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, doctor appts (although I will do them if my work schedule is better that day, school drop off, etc. Neither of us really want to trade.

Important thing is him understanding how much work the admin stuff is. He will never be good at it so he needs to do other stuff to compensate.

Is it really that much work?
I have four kids, including two teenage boys, so I know that it’s different, but I feel like that stuff (groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, school drop-off, after school activities) is most of my life outside of work.
I would say that I spend about 5% of the time I spend on this stuff on admin stuff.

No wonder DH and I always feel like we can’t get our poop in a group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First I need to know the distribution of your family's HHI from him and from you. How much income do you and he bring in each?

I make about 60k more than him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, another "my inadequate" DH thread?

No pattern here right? There is a reason married women die sooner than single women.

The reason being you made that up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you will complain about how he does it even if it gets completed on time, add a bunch of irrelevant variables, and then ask why he did ask a bunch of irrelevant questions. He isn’t avoiding doing it, he is avoiding the fall out.

Then he should do it right and no one would complain. Yes, there is a right way to do things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I need to know the distribution of your family's HHI from him and from you. How much income do you and he bring in each?

This is irrelevant if they are both working FT, as stated.

She can work less if her her her income is less significant.

[Anonymous]

This is my dh too. He has ADHD.

My solution is just to do it myself and he picks up other things. He just cannot do life management tasks. Buy birthday gifts for his parents? He'd be out trying to find something the morning of. One year I left Christmas to him and he was out shopping on Christmas eve rather than spending time with his family and small children. ffs.

So I knew something had to change and I changed myself. I decided I enjoyed emotional labor tasks like buying stuff, scheduling stuff, remembering stuff. I specifically tell dh to do discrete tasks and he does them. It helps that he's very hard working, not lazy and doesn't want to be forgetful. So I schedule the appointments for kids and he takes them. I plan the birthday parties, but he's there cooking and cleaning and hosting when I need him. I do feel like I have to boss him around, but he appreciates it. He asks for "honey do lists" because otherwise he can't figure out what needs done.

It is what it is. He's a wonderful dh, dad and best friend. Thank god he had the foresight to marry a Type A wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not OP. but this happens in my house as well. We both make about the same money now.

he's just not good at the life admin tasks, so i do them all. i am actually very good at this and one of my jobs previously was as an EA to a pretty well known washington person, so i naturally excel here.

i dont have a lot of patience. our trade off is that DH does most of DS5's physical daily care, feeding, washing, dressing, etc...

it works for us.

Same. I handle every admin task. He does all the labor - groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, doctor appts (although I will do them if my work schedule is better that day, school drop off, etc. Neither of us really want to trade.

Important thing is him understanding how much work the admin stuff is. He will never be good at it so he needs to do other stuff to compensate.

Is it really that much work?
I have four kids, including two teenage boys, so I know that it’s different, but I feel like that stuff (groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, school drop-off, after school activities) is most of my life outside of work.
I would say that I spend about 5% of the time I spend on this stuff on admin stuff.

No wonder DH and I always feel like we can’t get our poop in a group. [/quote

WHAT?