The burden of so much ‘meaningful’ stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother put tape with someone’s name on the bottom of everything in her house to show to whom she wanted the stuff to go. As I got older I realized how smart this was (although as kids we would make a game of it).

My parents are hoarders. The dread I have when my time comes to go through their filth and trash is depressing.

I just got through my late mother’s hoard and it took me 3 weeks with one helper (mover, so the packing was mostly on me and the dumping on him). I was stupid enough not to wear a mask and am dealing with an allergy induced sinusitis RN so don’t make that mistake.
I did find a little money and a lot of sentimental things. Also some things my mother wrote that gave me better understanding of her motives if you can even speak of motives of a mentally ill person.
I mean it wasn’t all bad. You get to rethink things and resolve some issues and just getting my childhood home back (it belongs to my dad but metaphorically) was good for me.

This is the first time I’ve heard someone who gained something from the process.

It’s a great perspective that for some, having to deal with a family member’s stuff can help them get to know the loved one better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me think of Swedish death cleaning and I agree, op. (On the other hand, I am sentimental and absolutely love knowing the stories abt aunt Gertrude’s prized art nouveau broach, etc or great grandmothers wedding “crown” from the old country.)

Write them down and put them with the item.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who said I don't want it unless its cash, real estate, or jewelry. I stand by what I said. All the replies here appear to say they are going to get rid of all the sentimental stuff as well, at least I'm being up front about it.

[Anonymous]

Most ends up in a thrift store. Lots in the trash.

I say this after cleaning out my grandparents’ house and my mother’s.

My mother was generally very organized and was often donating to thrift stores and didn’t like clutter yet she had to suddenly sell her large house and move into a 2 bedroom apt.

I likely made 6 trips to a thrift store. She called in a handyman who hauled two pick up trucks full to donate. This was after my siblings and I went through and collected special things we wanted.

I’ve re doubled my efforts at my own house to live clutter free.

[Anonymous]

14:14 and someday my DH will have to deal with the massive hoard that is my IL’s unfinished basement.

Things from that basement are removed piecemeal- my MIL will unearth DH beer can collection from 1980, give it to DH. Great. Took it home and recycled all.

I haven’t been down the steps to the basement in decades. My ILs have talked/joked about their basement mess since before they were my ILs - 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people do. Swedish death cleaning.

Wait, this is a thing? I thought my Swedish dad was just being morbid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wills get into this to some extent.

A Will does help with distribution, but if your loved one left you everything and by everything its their entire life's worth of crap - its really a very selfish act on their part. Sure I got my mom's house, car and her investments. I also got receipts from 30 years of grocery shopping. So I am very much of the Swedish Act of death cleaning - if its valuable or important to you give it away with meaning. If its not, get rid of it as you go. Had my mom take 2 hours every week to look thru those receipts I wouldn't have had to spend my time and effort sorting thru to make sure I didn't miss something important.

[Anonymous]

We have so much crap in our garage that my husband hauled home from his dads house after he died. We also have furniture that we got from my in-laws after his dad remarried when we were newlyweds and didn’t have money to buy a lot of furniture. Some of it is nice, But about half of it I’d love to get rid of. If anything ever happens to my husband, I’m getting a construction dumpster and filling it with all of the crap from his dad.

My brother-in-law is a total hoarder and has multiple storage units filled with books, and who knows what else from my father-in-law‘s house. Guy lives in a small apartment and he’s never ever going to have a home that can sit all of the nonsense he keeps in storage.

[Anonymous]

The first poster sounds very whiny and childish to me awwww mom when you die could you clean up first? I’m too lazy to call a junk dealer.

[Anonymous]

When my MIL died she left us all her very beautiful and valuable stuff. My home is filled with art, objects and antiques that I never could afford to buy. Now that my husband died I still cherish those memories. My kids want this stuff. I guess there’s a difference between junk and stuff. The stuff we didn’t want (the piano) found a home at the dump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL died she left us all her very beautiful and valuable stuff. My home is filled with art, objects and antiques that I never could afford to buy. Now that my husband died I still cherish those memories. My kids want this stuff. I guess there’s a difference between junk and stuff. The stuff we didn’t want (the piano) found a home at the dump.

There was so much meaning with the things my father left behind. My life time of memories were tied up with them. I feel fortunate that I can share them with my kids and perhaps they will move on with them. My mother on the other hand (parents were divorced) nothing she had involved the same memories. It was furniture - but not something that was passed down, no stories of childhood intertwined with their existence - she got it from a thrift store. Nothing that I need or want. And yet I was responsible for dealing with it. So I agree with your there is a different between "junk" and stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first poster sounds very whiny and childish to me awwww mom when you die could you clean up first? I’m too lazy to call a junk dealer.

Most people work, have kids, significant others, obligations, major stressors. Life is not simple anymore. It is not rude or selfish for a middle age person with no free time to expect a retired person to spent one of their decades of freedom from work cleaning up their own messes and sort through their own things. Stop shaming people who are overworked, burned out and don't have the luxury of time to sort through a collection of candlesticks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told my parents and ILs that unless its money, real estate, or jewelry I don't want it. ILs were stung but I stand by what I said.

Why were you so nasty and argumentative about stating your position? And then to say you only want money or items easily convertible to cash? You are a nasty piece of work, PP. I hope your inlaws spoke to their child and then set up their will so that there is no way you can ever benefit from their estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother put tape with someone’s name on the bottom of everything in her house to show to whom she wanted the stuff to go. As I got older I realized how smart this was (although as kids we would make a game of it).

My parents are hoarders. The dread I have when my time comes to go through their filth and trash is depressing.

I just got through my late mother’s hoard and it took me 3 weeks with one helper (mover, so the packing was mostly on me and the dumping on him). I was stupid enough not to wear a mask and am dealing with an allergy induced sinusitis RN so don’t make that mistake.
I did find a little money and a lot of sentimental things. Also some things my mother wrote that gave me better understanding of her motives if you can even speak of motives of a mentally ill person.
I mean it wasn’t all bad. You get to rethink things and resolve some issues and just getting my childhood home back (it belongs to my dad but metaphorically) was good for me.

This is the first time I’ve heard someone who gained something from the process.

It’s a great perspective that for some, having to deal with a family member’s stuff can help them get to know the loved one better.

However my main gain was that I finally am rid of the stuff I didn’t want (there was much more trash than meaningful things). And that I prevailed. I felt pushed out of the house almost all my life, but now the offender is gone and win back my kingdom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who said I don't want it unless its cash, real estate, or jewelry. I stand by what I said. All the replies here appear to say they are going to get rid of all the sentimental stuff as well, at least I'm being up front about it.

Hhhmmm. I don't think you get it. We are responding to your tone and your focus on cash. In my family you would be considered a Gold Digger, and wills and trusts would be written specifically to exclude you.