The burden of so much ‘meaningful’ stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first poster sounds very whiny and childish to me awwww mom when you die could you clean up first? I’m too lazy to call a junk dealer.

The entire point is the elderly will say it’s not junk, it’s all meaningful, but then they won’t discuss and leave information. But you sound like quite the bulldozer, so enjoy trashing your parents’ possessions. Can you even fit gloves over those ham fists of yours?

[Anonymous]

I am already decluttering and downsizing my possessions little by little. By the time I turn 60 (I am going to turn 58 in a couple months) I want to get rid of 20% of my possessions and only keep things that I actually use.

My aim is to do the Swedish Death Cleanse so that I can have more time for a good life. I want to create space in my house that requires no upkeep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who said I don't want it unless its cash, real estate, or jewelry. I stand by what I said. All the replies here appear to say they are going to get rid of all the sentimental stuff as well, at least I'm being up front about it.

It hurts people's feelings though. Years ago my ILs proclaimed that someday their grandfather clock would go to DH. He immediately said, "I don't want that stupid clock" and they STILL talk about him saying that. It made a huge impression on them, they couldn't believe he wasn't interested. They also said someday DH would get their massive collection of literally hundreds of Hummel and Royal Doulton figurines he expressed similar distaste and amusement for those as well. I could post a picture of the wall of display shelves for figurines of ladies in long skirts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:14 and someday my DH will have to deal with the massive hoard that is my IL’s unfinished basement.

Things from that basement are removed piecemeal- my MIL will unearth DH beer can collection from 1980, give it to DH. Great. Took it home and recycled all.

I haven’t been down the steps to the basement in decades. My ILs have talked/joked about their basement mess since before they were my ILs - 30 years.

My MIL mailed me a baggie of DH's baby teeth

[Anonymous]

My mom is a hoarder. I want very few of her possessions. She's convinced herself that I should take them all. She will not downsize. I'm an only child.

When she says I should take things, I just say yes. I reassure her that I will treat her possessions with respect. If I don't keep it all, I say that I will find a good home for them. What I actually will do is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:14 and someday my DH will have to deal with the massive hoard that is my IL’s unfinished basement.

Things from that basement are removed piecemeal- my MIL will unearth DH beer can collection from 1980, give it to DH. Great. Took it home and recycled all.

I haven’t been down the steps to the basement in decades. My ILs have talked/joked about their basement mess since before they were my ILs - 30 years.

My MIL mailed me a baggie of DH's baby teeth

OMG! I just hollered. If you are into voodoo that is perfect for an addition to a concoction to getting him to do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I have mini panic attacks every time I open junk drawers and closets in my parents’ house. But their “stuff” means a lot to them and they want it around. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it (or pay for handling it) when they’re gone, but I’m not going to take anything away from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told my parents and ILs that unless its money, real estate, or jewelry I don't want it. ILs were stung but I stand by what I said.

Tacky, classless and ungrateful!

No, this is the hard truth. No one wants trash. Leaving a hoard for others to deal with is a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have mini panic attacks every time I open junk drawers and closets in my parents’ house. But their “stuff” means a lot to them and they want it around. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it (or pay for handling it) when they’re gone, but I’m not going to take anything away from them.

Same. It is important to me that they have the things they love; my feelings about it are irrelevant, frankly. I would no more demand my parents give away things they love and value than I would take candy from a baby, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have mini panic attacks every time I open junk drawers and closets in my parents’ house. But their “stuff” means a lot to them and they want it around. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it (or pay for handling it) when they’re gone, but I’m not going to take anything away from them.

When I was decluttering my mom's house before moving her into assisted living, every time I opened another drawer it would be full of the most amazingly useless crap. Like paper phone bills from the 1990s. Made me want to scream. "Why do you have this? Why why why?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who said I don't want it unless its cash, real estate, or jewelry. I stand by what I said. All the replies here appear to say they are going to get rid of all the sentimental stuff as well, at least I'm being up front about it.

It hurts people's feelings though. Years ago my ILs proclaimed that someday their grandfather clock would go to DH. He immediately said, "I don't want that stupid clock" and they STILL talk about him saying that. It made a huge impression on them, they couldn't believe he wasn't interested. They also said someday DH would get their massive collection of literally hundreds of Hummel and Royal Doulton figurines he expressed similar distaste and amusement for those as well. I could post a picture of the wall of display shelves for figurines of ladies in long skirts.

I have quite a few of my mom's china figurines. I have no interest in them at all. Not sure they have any value. Don't want to just give them to Goodwill, but I really don't know how best to dispose of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:14 and someday my DH will have to deal with the massive hoard that is my IL’s unfinished basement.

Things from that basement are removed piecemeal- my MIL will unearth DH beer can collection from 1980, give it to DH. Great. Took it home and recycled all.

I haven’t been down the steps to the basement in decades. My ILs have talked/joked about their basement mess since before they were my ILs - 30 years.

My MIL mailed me a baggie of DH's baby teeth

OMG I have a bag of my 11YOs baby teeth in my underwear drawer. I'm going to go throw it out before 20 years go by and I'm mailing it back to them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mini panic attacks every time I open junk drawers and closets in my parents’ house. But their “stuff” means a lot to them and they want it around. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it (or pay for handling it) when they’re gone, but I’m not going to take anything away from them.

When I was decluttering my mom's house before moving her into assisted living, every time I opened another drawer it would be full of the most amazingly useless crap. Like paper phone bills from the 1990s. Made me want to scream. "Why do you have this? Why why why?"

I just dealt with this. My Dad kept every scrap of paper that ever touched his hands. Decades—DECADES!!- worth of paper bills and used up check booklets (with the carbon copy of the check). Need a manual from an appliance you bought 40 years ago (that you no longer have)? But the most infuriating thing he kept was the paper information sheet that you get with your prescriptions. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE for every prescription, every month!! And never threw them away. My parents were taking so many medications so every month the pile just kept getting bigger and bigger. And he wouldn’t let me throw them away ARGH!!! 😠

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster sounds very whiny and childish to me awwww mom when you die could you clean up first? I’m too lazy to call a junk dealer.

Most people work, have kids, significant others, obligations, major stressors. Life is not simple anymore. It is not rude or selfish for a middle age person with no free time to expect a retired person to spent one of their decades of freedom from work cleaning up their own messes and sort through their own things. Stop shaming people who are overworked, burned out and don't have the luxury of time to sort through a collection of candlesticks.

+1

[Anonymous]

This thread reminds me of a coworker I used to have at a university. She had kept every paper copy and every paper press release that ever came across her hands. She would print out all her emails and had them in folders. She had piles of papers everywhere, including on the floor. She had done this for decades.

Finally, all the office furniture had to be moved and everything cleared because they were putting in new carpet, new paint, and were converting some closed offices into cubicles. She was absolutely distraught. A whole team of us tried to help her go through and recycle, trash and generally purge. She was having panic attacks.

Finally, we got the idea to get bankers boxes and tell her it was all going “to the university archives.” That allowed her to let us get in and get it out. We of course then recycled and trashed most things, but we did indeed send a few papers to the archives.

Her home was even worse after her death.