Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

I have boys and I do things with them like baking or crafting (which I don’t actually enjoy).
I have many friends with both boys and girls and most moms seem to be very close to the daughters. There are mother/daughter trips, special outings etc. It seems that the default is moms doing things with the daughters and dads doing things with the boys.
If they have all girls, the dynamic is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Wow!!

Way to keep the misogyny in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am female, with one boy and one girl, and while I appreciate what everyone is saying about the good aspects of having boys, I want to validate the OP and say that there are things I like about having a girl, for sure.

She's different from me in some ways and I don't get to relive all the good elements of my misspent youth through her, but it's fun talking about social drama and sharing books I read with her and shopping for clothes. I love the stuff I do with my son, too--learning about history together, watching all 9 Star Wars movies (totally liked them!), doing online drawing videos together. But I do admit there's a certain extra fun about the girl stuff.

I'm not trying to say this to make you extra jealous, just to validate that you're not crazy for being wistful. That said, of course there are girls with nothing in common with their moms and boys who do tons of things with their moms, so it all comes down to personality in many ways, too.

I’m confused. Why can’t you shop for clothes and share books with your son? Also boys have social drama. Ask them and they’ll tell you.

Omg. New poster here, but please don't play the gender-neutral warrior here, you know exactly what she means. Typically, at a certain age, boys don't care at all about their clothes, and girls enjoy shopping for it. Plus, most companies make crap clothes for boys so even if you enjoyed shopping together with your son, pickings are slim. Perhaps not when they're teens, but certainly when they are 4 and everything has a dumpt truck on it. And most of the boys I know all like books with male protagonists (which is fine and understandable!) and most girls I know prefer books with female protagonists (again... that's fine). The poster was probably thinking about books SHE enjoyed as a child. And, no, boys do NOT have social drama like girls do starting at age 8. Ask any mom of both genders. Stop gaslighting everyone who just honestly wants/wanted a daughter.

I have a boy and a girl and don’t agree with any of this.

Same. I get that it’s prefaced with “typically,” but none of it applies in my household. Hence my earlier point that just because you end up with a boy or girl, doesn’t mean they will bear any resemblance to what you envisioned before they were born.

Gotta say as a girl who hated shopping and had to be dragged and probably would have hated Taylor Swift too I’m so glad my mom didn’t pin her ambitions of mothering daughters on this kind of stereotypical stuff!

Of course having said this, I’m trying to prepare myself to be ready to be supportive of a Taylor Swift loving daughter and a baseball loving son in case that’s what I end up with. I have full confidence I will find something to be excited about in my kids’ interests even if they would have been alien to teen me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I’m so glad I don’t have the daily drama. I’m not a crafty or girly woman so maybe that has something to do with it, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be than their baseball games. I would hate having to acquire tickets and then deal with the Taylor Swift concert

Same. But substitute baseball with soccer. I played soccer for 18 years and I’d rather watch my kids play soccer than be forced to go to a Swift concert.

I have all boys which is what I wanted. They are in high school now and have been super easy to raise with no drama and make me laugh hard every day.

Even when they were young, I preferred kicking or throwing a ball with them, racing, tag or anything physical over tea parties or American doll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have boys and I do things with them like baking or crafting (which I don’t actually enjoy).
I have many friends with both boys and girls and most moms seem to be very close to the daughters. There are mother/daughter trips, special outings etc. It seems that the default is moms doing things with the daughters and dads doing things with the boys.
If they have all girls, the dynamic is different.

I’m usually taking my sons to games and practices more than my husband since they play the sane sport I played which was a family sport in my house growing up and my dad often comes too.

My kids are teens but we still do something as a family- husband, me and sons every weekend- go out to dinner or brunch or Topgolf or a hike and they are 15 and 17 now. Lots of family bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a daughter- you see stuff in her that you hate in yourself. And it’s hard to not want to fix it or criticize it. I don’t feel that way about my sons who I can appreciate for just being themselves. Mom and daughter relationships are complicated! (As a side note I am a wonderful mom, just more to work through with daughters)

Also, my son likes to make bracelets! And he’s into matching clothes with me (mostly button downs.

I see that with my husband and our sons. The same sex parent usually has more issues in the relationship. I was a lot closer (very close) to my dad my whole life and “got” him better than my mom. I love my mom, but she got under my skin about a lot.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I get a small pang a few times a year but TBH more often than that I feel grateful not to have to deal with "girl problems" and the emotional labor that comes with girls (I was one, so ask me how I know). I guess I am just happy with what I have! What I have felt more often is a desire for my DH to parent a girl: I think it would make him softer in some ways. But again, totally NBD.

[Anonymous]

I was the daughter to parents who were so glad to have their boy and their girl. Except I wasn't stereotypically girly or feminine at all and I wasn't in any way the girl they had wanted. Thankfully they had another child who was a girl and who was the little girl they wanted - she likes bows in her hair and crafts and pretty things and dresses and dolls and pink.

I was their nightmare! A much harder child than their son and not at all meeting their expectations for a daughter! I am sure they would have returned me if that was an option!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am female, with one boy and one girl, and while I appreciate what everyone is saying about the good aspects of having boys, I want to validate the OP and say that there are things I like about having a girl, for sure.

She's different from me in some ways and I don't get to relive all the good elements of my misspent youth through her, but it's fun talking about social drama and sharing books I read with her and shopping for clothes. I love the stuff I do with my son, too--learning about history together, watching all 9 Star Wars movies (totally liked them!), doing online drawing videos together. But I do admit there's a certain extra fun about the girl stuff.

I'm not trying to say this to make you extra jealous, just to validate that you're not crazy for being wistful. That said, of course there are girls with nothing in common with their moms and boys who do tons of things with their moms, so it all comes down to personality in many ways, too.

I’m confused. Why can’t you shop for clothes and share books with your son? Also boys have social drama. Ask them and they’ll tell you.

Omg. New poster here, but please don't play the gender-neutral warrior here, you know exactly what she means. Typically, at a certain age, boys don't care at all about their clothes, and girls enjoy shopping for it. Plus, most companies make crap clothes for boys so even if you enjoyed shopping together with your son, pickings are slim. Perhaps not when they're teens, but certainly when they are 4 and everything has a dumpt truck on it. And most of the boys I know all like books with male protagonists (which is fine and understandable!) and most girls I know prefer books with female protagonists (again... that's fine). The poster was probably thinking about books SHE enjoyed as a child. And, no, boys do NOT have social drama like girls do starting at age 8. Ask any mom of both genders. Stop gaslighting everyone who just honestly wants/wanted a daughter.

This is dead wrong. And why is pp enjoying talking about social drama with dd? So toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the daughter to parents who were so glad to have their boy and their girl. Except I wasn't stereotypically girly or feminine at all and I wasn't in any way the girl they had wanted. Thankfully they had another child who was a girl and who was the little girl they wanted - she likes bows in her hair and crafts and pretty things and dresses and dolls and pink.

I was their nightmare! A much harder child than their son and not at all meeting their expectations for a daughter! I am sure they would have returned me if that was an option!

My mom always wanted a daughter. Instead she got a trans daughter. I had a lot of hope that our relationship would be better once I transitioned. Instead our already poor relationship turned into estrangement since she couldn't accept me. She didn't want a trans daughter. She wanted a cis girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the daughter to parents who were so glad to have their boy and their girl. Except I wasn't stereotypically girly or feminine at all and I wasn't in any way the girl they had wanted. Thankfully they had another child who was a girl and who was the little girl they wanted - she likes bows in her hair and crafts and pretty things and dresses and dolls and pink.

I was their nightmare! A much harder child than their son and not at all meeting their expectations for a daughter! I am sure they would have returned me if that was an option!

My mom always wanted a daughter. Instead she got a trans daughter. I had a lot of hope that our relationship would be better once I transitioned. Instead our already poor relationship turned into estrangement since she couldn't accept me. She didn't want a trans daughter. She wanted a cis girl.

I’m so sorry. It’s truly her loss. ((Hugs))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to be a girl scout leader so I would have liked to do that (boys scouts just isn't the same) but otherwise, I'm pretty happy with boys.

OMG. I will happily give you my spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends are going with their tweens to Taylor Swift, making bracelets, etc. Such a bonding experience. It just hit me that I won't have that. I mean, I love my boys, but ... they like baseball, and I love their games and watch them, but it's not the same exactly, and sometimes I feel wistful!!

If I had a daughter, I would've loved her and raised her the best I could. I wanted sons and I had sons. One reason I wanted sons is because I experienced harassment and abuse particular to females and I was scared that any daughter would be at risk for that. Some of the abuse I suffered was due to parental neglect, but some of it was due to being a girl at the wrong place at the wrong time. This world isn't as safe for females as it is for males. No, I am not wistful for the daughters Inever had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cried when I found out I was having a boy (thanks for making me believe boys suck, radical feminism!), but he's awesome.

I cried, too, but they were tears of joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes me sad is the matrilineal bond is so much stronger. Boys do what the wife's family wants, often, leaving the boy-grandmother out in the cold.

I don't think this has to do with a "bond". I think it's because (many) women plan and do the work necessary to see their families; (many) men do not. Paternal grandmothers sometimes want to take this out on the wife, but it's likely due to the way they raised their son.

Well put and I 100% agree.