Vent- Sibling always ruins mother's day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t ruining Mother’s Day. Stop being dramatic and just hide their content from your feed.

OP here. They get my mom upset and crying. This isn't really about me. I frankly don't care and actually do have them blocked.

Then teach her how to block sibling’s feed.

This has nothing to do with Mother’s Day. And you sound like the golden child defending a narcissistic parent. So you might want to look into that.

This 100% Sorry OP but this is a very common dynamic.

Actually no. I dont know OP and her parents, but paying for college, grad school AND a house cash is not the behavior of a narcissistic parent versus the neglected child.

What’s likely from OP’s description is that their sibling had struggles like ADHD or similar, parents recognized struggles and gave sibling more attention because they recognized that sibling needed it. Sibling still struggled due to issues and suffered. When your brain is a mess and makes you live a messy life you suffer even if parents pay for grad school.

Actually, this is EXACTLY what narcissistic parents do. Those things that they pay for come with MANY strings attached. They use them to control you.

Oh great, now you’re imagining strings were attached, based on … absolutely nothing OP said. MANY all caps strings, you claim, based on…. What exactly? The you use these imagined strings to make a further huge leap to control and narcissism.

I hope you get the help you need. But projecting onto OP and her parents, especially when you add a huge dose of your own fantasies, isn’t helping anybody.

I feel like OPs parents/other golden siblings have found this post....

All that was said was that buying gifts with strings attached is textbook narcissism, potentially invalidating your statement that paying for things for your kids is proof that there's no narcissism. That was the entire post that you just overreacted to....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t ruining Mother’s Day. Stop being dramatic and just hide their content from your feed.

OP here. They get my mom upset and crying. This isn't really about me. I frankly don't care and actually do have them blocked.

Then teach her how to block sibling’s feed.

This has nothing to do with Mother’s Day. And you sound like the golden child defending a narcissistic parent. So you might want to look into that.

This 100% Sorry OP but this is a very common dynamic.

Actually no. I dont know OP and her parents, but paying for college, grad school AND a house cash is not the behavior of a narcissistic parent versus the neglected child.

What’s likely from OP’s description is that their sibling had struggles like ADHD or similar, parents recognized struggles and gave sibling more attention because they recognized that sibling needed it. Sibling still struggled due to issues and suffered. When your brain is a mess and makes you live a messy life you suffer even if parents pay for grad school.

Actually, this is EXACTLY what narcissistic parents do. Those things that they pay for come with MANY strings attached. They use them to control you.

Oh great, now you’re imagining strings were attached, based on … absolutely nothing OP said. MANY all caps strings, you claim, based on…. What exactly? The you use these imagined strings to make a further huge leap to control and narcissism.

I hope you get the help you need. But projecting onto OP and her parents, especially when you add a huge dose of your own fantasies, isn’t helping anybody.

I feel like OPs parents/other golden siblings have found this post....

All that was said was that buying gifts with strings attached is textbook narcissism, potentially invalidating your statement that paying for things for your kids is proof that there's no narcissism. That was the entire post that you just overreacted to....

Except OP never said anything about strings being attached, you made that up. A parent can pay for college without attaching strings.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't get past sentence 3. Draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t your sister get the medical and/or mental health help that she needed? Sounds like your parents neglected her even though they had means, and made you the Golden Child while she went untreated. Failed parents don’t always get feted for Mother’s Day; sometimes, they get the fruits of their neglect.

NP. Projecting much? Did you have a dynamic where you didn't get what you feel you needed? Because nowhere in the first post did the OP say that the sibling never had "medical and/or mental health help" so you have no idea what treatment the sibling has or has not had. Nor do you know if the mother was or is a "failed parent." Big assumptions on your part about a situation that's not yours.

Also: We don't know the ages involved here. On DCUM there seems to be some assumption that people who are now adults were kids and teens when there was medical recognition of things like ADHD etc. etc. Well, if you're an adult now, depending on where and when you grew up -- news flash, not everyone came along after ADHD, anxiety etc. were official diagnoses. Some people grew up like they grew up, period, and weren't diagnosed and didn't have opportunities for treatment because those conditions weren't on anyone's radar AS conditions. But good old DCUM loves to go nuclear on parents who were parenting in times when no one had any concept of the many conditions we now know can make kids behave like the OP's sibling did as a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The parents were deeply involved and seemingly invested everything in getting the help the sibling needed. The guidance has changed since then. But they were listening to experts and seemingly doing everything they could. How could you ever call them bad parents? You must never have had a difficult child. How can people do more than this? What would you have done differently? If you say I would have medicated my child, well no, you probably wouldn't have when people who are supposed to be experts were saying you shouldn't, and parents have a (rightfully) high bar for putting their child on medication.

No. Sorry. They’re 40, not 60. Real help was available then. The parents dropped the ball.

DP. You're saying that 30 years or so ago, "real help was available"? Sure, IF you lived in a place where any of this was on anyone's radar. Do you not get that 30 years ago, there were still pediatricians, teachers, and most of all parents who were not trained in or very aware of all the childhood conditions to which some here are attributing the sibling's issues? YES, in some areas more was known and diagnosed and done. so don't come back to claim I'm saying ADHD etc. wasn't a thing then. But if you think that every place, every medical practice, every family was anywhere near as informed as they would be today, you're wrong. And no one was hopping easily onto the internet to plug in their kid's behaviors and see what information came up. You are determined to blame parents for "dropping the ball" when they may not have known the ball even existed.

And...it's too late to rewrite the past so what do you have to offer the OP regarding the actual question asked? OP isn't here to ask how to blame their mother and rage about dropping the ball for sibling decades ago. OP wants help dealing with the here and now.

To the OP: I agree with a PP who said the mother's day ads etc. likely trigger your sibling into an annual blame-fest. Help mom block social media and explain to mom that you (and your other sibling? If true?) do not have the same childhood memories that this one sibling has, and when mom sees those posts or hears this from your sibling, it is a lot of conditions talking--not your sibling. Then I'd maybe take mom out of town for mother's day weekend. If not this year, next year. Or otherwise distract her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t ruining Mother’s Day. Stop being dramatic and just hide their content from your feed.

OP here. They get my mom upset and crying. This isn't really about me. I frankly don't care and actually do have them blocked.

Then teach her how to block sibling’s feed.

This has nothing to do with Mother’s Day. And you sound like the golden child defending a narcissistic parent. So you might want to look into that.

This 100% Sorry OP but this is a very common dynamic.

Actually no. I dont know OP and her parents, but paying for college, grad school AND a house cash is not the behavior of a narcissistic parent versus the neglected child.

What’s likely from OP’s description is that their sibling had struggles like ADHD or similar, parents recognized struggles and gave sibling more attention because they recognized that sibling needed it. Sibling still struggled due to issues and suffered. When your brain is a mess and makes you live a messy life you suffer even if parents pay for grad school.

Actually, this is EXACTLY what narcissistic parents do. Those things that they pay for come with MANY strings attached. They use them to control you.

Oh great, now you’re imagining strings were attached, based on … absolutely nothing OP said. MANY all caps strings, you claim, based on…. What exactly? The you use these imagined strings to make a further huge leap to control and narcissism.

I hope you get the help you need. But projecting onto OP and her parents, especially when you add a huge dose of your own fantasies, isn’t helping anybody.

I feel like OPs parents/other golden siblings have found this post....

All that was said was that buying gifts with strings attached is textbook narcissism, potentially invalidating your statement that paying for things for your kids is proof that there's no narcissism. That was the entire post that you just overreacted to....

I'm confused. You read every day on DCUM that parents are abusive if they refuse to turn on a firehose of gifts ranging from cash to oos college to a place to live rent-free as long as they like. But also that we absolutely must assume that strings are attached to these gifts, even if the OP never breathed a word about strings, and so therefore the parents are ... wait for it... abusive.

[Anonymous]

OP don’t be a flying monkey. Your sibling’s relationship with your mother is none of your business. This isn’t your problem to solve. This isn’t your place to judge who was right and who was wrong.

When you are with your mother, if it comes up change the subject. If your mother pushes be direct and tell her that it’s between her and your sibling. Tell her that you aren’t taking sides or getting involved.