Vent- Sibling always ruins mother's day
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Anonymous
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Just a vent. I have a difficult sibling. They were just a very wild baby, crazy child and a difficult personality. They were constantly in trouble (not with the law or in school thankfully!), hyper, messy rooms (and I mean the kind of messy room that's bug and rodent infested/ dirty dishes). Probably the complete opposite of me and my other sibling, who just did what my parents said and were type A. I'm not bragging, just explaining why my parents found my sibling difficult and it was probably worse in comparison to us. Frankly my sibling can't even see that they got all the attention growing up.
Every year about a week before Mother's Day my sibling starts the blame game. Starts posting things about how hard their childhood was, about how they needed to be in therapy, they should have been on Adderall, how awful it was to be forced to do chores, spankings (these happened very few times). I think people didn't use Adderall and Ritalin as much then, their psychiatrists recommended against it and my sibling had organizational coaches instead. I get that we have different parents and different experiences, but I'm sick of hearing about it. My sibling lived a cushy existence with two incredibly involved parents who cared deeply about them. Parents paid for college, grad school, new cars, and bought them their first house cash. The people who comment on their instagram posts have real problems, like drug addicted parents who physically and emotionally abused them. But sibling is so vague about their abuse that people think my parents were abusive. We're in our 40s now. |
Anonymous
| That isn’t ruining Mother’s Day. Stop being dramatic and just hide their content from your feed. |
Anonymous
| Don’t like seeing her thoughts or perspectives? Stay off her social media. Pretty simple. |
Anonymous
OP here. They get my mom upset and crying. This isn't really about me. I frankly don't care and actually do have them blocked. |
Anonymous
Then teach her how to block sibling’s feed. This has nothing to do with Mother’s Day. And you sound like the golden child defending a narcissistic parent. So you might want to look into that. |
Anonymous
Show your mom how to block them! |
Anonymous
| Who are these parents who buy houses for their children? |
Anonymous
It's inappropriate for your mom to call you and cry about it. Both you and your mom need to buck up. |
Anonymous
This 100% Sorry OP but this is a very common dynamic. |
Anonymous
It has to do with Mother’s Day because OP’s sibling is likely set off by all the Mother’s Day ads and hype. OP, your mother needs to stop worrying about these comments and needs to stop bringing them to you. She wants reassurance that she was a good mother. That’s fine but she needs to come to grips with what your sibling is like. Therapy? |
Anonymous
| Why didn’t your sister get the medical and/or mental health help that she needed? Sounds like your parents neglected her even though they had means, and made you the Golden Child while she went untreated. Failed parents don’t always get feted for Mother’s Day; sometimes, they get the fruits of their neglect. |
Anonymous
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From your post, I 100% believe your sibling. Sounds like you were the golden child and they were the scapegoat. It probably WAS hard for them....
And look at you, doing your Mom's bidding, even today as a grown adult. You're repeating her messaging (about how difficult your sibling was) and taking on her issues (how this sibling is ruining things and making your mom cry). You've become a flying monkey. I'd take some time to really look into your family patterns.... |
Anonymous
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Three things: 1. Your sibling has untreated ADHD and feels resentment about the lack of medication, because they were probably blamed and shamed for their disability, not to mention that it did not set them on a path for success. There is nothing more traumatic than shaming a child for something they cannot control. Even if it wasn't overt, they couldn't help being compared to you and the other sibling. Even now, the way you phrase it, you are using an accusatory tone and not acknowledging their disability and pain. 2. At the time, it was probably difficult for your parents to know about, accept, and treat this disorder. They have responsibility, but maybe diminished responsibility and should not be held up as monsters by your sibling. Adults need to own their lives, and move forward as best they can with the trauma they suffered as children. We cannot blame our upbringing forever. It is on each one of us to make do. 3. This should not affect the way you celebrate Mother's Day, yours or your mother's. Your relationship with your mother is your own. Honestly, having grown up with untreated ADHD and having a child with severe ADHD who received services and accommodations early on, then medication in 5th grade, I measure how better his mental health and self-esteem is compared to mine at the same age. Treatment is life-changing. Your sibling was not parented well for the disorder they have. I hope one day you can acknowledge that to your sibling - it might go a long way towards alleviating a bit of that PTSD they seem to have. Do not make them feel as if you're diminishing what they went through. It will only make them more intent on expressing their resentment. |
Anonymous
+1. Narcissistic vibes. Please, you came from a dysfunctional family where you sibling was the scapegoat. Your sibling is rightfully upset. Get off social media, it's not good for you, and tell your mom to do the same. My guess is that your mom loves drama and this is just part of the complex and toxic dynamic that she has created. |
Anonymous
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All of you need to cut each other off. The sibling needs to cut-off from the parents and the parents need to cut-off from the sibling.
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