I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter does not need to be friends with everyone

She should be kind to everyone unless they are rude to her then she may ignore that person

There will always be fake stories in the world. She needs to learn to be self confident in herself to allow fake stories to exist and not care.

+1

[Anonymous]

When DD was 14, in 8th grade & about to change schools for HS, I called her two main bullies’ moms and told them what their daughters were doing. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the sender is the mean girl trying to stir up drama? I would probably ask vague social dynamics questions of my kid and if it seems like something is off, probably share the anonymous email with the school counselor. Nothing is truly anonymous. If a kid is sending that kind of message, then the school has a problem they need to address.

Let's walk this through. I'm a teenage mean girl. I want to pick on my "victim" who is popular. My go to move is I anonymously email her parents? That's not very gratifying at all. What does that accomplish exactly?

She hopes her mom grounds her or at least accuse her.

Girls are crazy.

If I was a teen girl and I was trying to get another girl in trouble, i'd tell the other girl's mom that she was promiscuous, doing drugs/drinking, shop lifting, etc. Accusing her of being "mean" wouldn't really seem bad enough.
Or, I'd tell another girl that OP's daughter was talking smack about her behind her back to try and get her in a fight.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to your daughter and also her school counselor.

Counselors know which kids are being bullied and by whom. It's not always at the level of "we need to contact your parent" at the high school level.

DS was being bullied by a kid and I wasn't even brought in until it turned physical. Come to find out, DS and his bully had had several mediation meetings with the counselor and AP to try to work things out.

This may be true. I know the bully's parents were horrified to learn that their son was a bully. They were very apologetic and scheduled a meeting with us later for their son to apologize. The apology seemed sincere and the parents explained his punishment to us.

Perhaps this person being bullied is frustrated that all the school is doing is mediation without parents and they don't see that as corrective action.

I'd definitely tell someone, though, because, well, guns. You never know who has one at home and who is on the brink of snapping. Teenage girls can be very vindictive - I remember that well from my HS years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DD was 14, in 8th grade & about to change schools for HS, I called her two main bullies’ moms and told them what their daughters were doing. No regrets.

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

If I got this kind of an email, I would really err on the side of thinking it's true. Maybe that's wrong, but I would. What kid is going to go to those lengths to reach out to you with no good reason? How does a kid that age even get your email? They don't operate in the world of emails.

I would just be very transparent with my daughter and let her read it. And process it together and see what she says. Not in a...you're in trouble way...but let's talk way. If it's real, she should know and if someone would go to these lengths to send something untrue about her, she should also know and might have an idea who it is and then would interact with that person differently.

Oh my God you know nothing about how the internet works.

[Anonymous]

I’d be worried about your daughters safety. That is stalker-type activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody is the mean girl. It's probably true.

My general impression from what my kids tell me is the "popular" girls in middle school (assuming it's this age group) are in fact pretty mean and awful. There is a lot of drama and talking about others and pushing kids out of the group and changing alliances. And a lot of paranoia about losing status.

+1 Read the book "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls ". I had to get it when my teen DD was going through her friend group pushing her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg! She’s 17. Ignore FFS.

Thank god she will be in college soon and not have to deal with whoever this crazy B is.

dp.. but mean girl behavior doesn't all of a sudden stop after HS. I see some mean girl behavior in adults, too. Is that the type of DD that OP wants?

[Anonymous]

At age 17, OP, I would be concerned about the safety of my daughter.

Someone--mom, frenemy, or foe went through the trouble to send you an anonymous email. That is a red flag to me, regardless of how you view your daughter's behavior.

What does your spouse think?

[Anonymous]

This is tricky. And I'm also suprised your daughter is 17 - this sounds like 13/14 year old behavior.

Was the letter in any way threatening to your daughter? Did it talk about school behavior specifically?

Considering your daughter is 17, and if she's a confident kid that can handle knowing someone doesn't like her enough to do this, I'd consider sharing it with both your daughter and the school admin.

I'd talk to my daughter about bullying/mean girl behavior, and ask her to think about if she's behaving this way to anyone - intentionally or not.

I'd consider responding to the email and pointing out that it's hard to act on this when it's present anonymously, since it takes both parties being involved to resolve this sort of thing. But in the end, I don't think I'd respond at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At age 17, OP, I would be concerned about the safety of my daughter.

Someone--mom, frenemy, or foe went through the trouble to send you an anonymous email. That is a red flag to me, regardless of how you view your daughter's behavior.

What does your spouse think?

I would never trust an anonymous email about my kid, especially one that sounds as creepy and stalker-like as that. My only debate would be whether to go to the police or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DD was 14, in 8th grade & about to change schools for HS, I called her two main bullies’ moms and told them what their daughters were doing. No regrets.

that is different. You talked parent to parent and were direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At age 17, OP, I would be concerned about the safety of my daughter.

Someone--mom, frenemy, or foe went through the trouble to send you an anonymous email. That is a red flag to me, regardless of how you view your daughter's behavior.

What does your spouse think?

I would never trust an anonymous email about my kid, especially one that sounds as creepy and stalker-like as that. My only debate would be whether to go to the police or not.

Lol there is nothing criminal about that email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At age 17, OP, I would be concerned about the safety of my daughter.

Someone--mom, frenemy, or foe went through the trouble to send you an anonymous email. That is a red flag to me, regardless of how you view your daughter's behavior.

What does your spouse think?

I would never trust an anonymous email about my kid, especially one that sounds as creepy and stalker-like as that. My only debate would be whether to go to the police or not.

Lol there is nothing criminal about that email.

Stalking is criminal and we don’t know whether the email is just the tip of the iceberg.