I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this happen to my son

I had a meeting with the boy, his mom, the school counselors and my son.

It went like this.

Counselor: Joe do you feel Rob excludes you on recess.
Joe: no Rob like soccer and football, I like to look for bugs.
Rob: I like to look for bugs would you like me to join you sometime
Joe: no not really

End of meeting.

This is a tween/teen forum. I don't think this is analogous to one boy looking for bugs and one boy playing soccer at recess.

It was middle school.

You have recess in middle school and there are kids looking for bugs at that age? That is a whole other post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

I agree it set off red flags for me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were sure it was all 100% true and accurate, what would you do? I would want to help my daughter with her social skills in a way that would serve her well for life.

To be fair, it seems like she has the type of social skills that will help her prosper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be true, it could also be a mean girl trying to make someone even more miserable

OP here. All possible, but what do I do, now, as the parent and recipient? Because I feel like this is a teen, I feel some responsibility to act on it in some way. I just not sure how.

you could talk to your DD about her social life, her relationships with friends, without mentioning the email, about not being a queen bee, mean girl. She doesn't have to be friends with everyone, but she also doesn't need to be mean to them. Sometimes, I don't know if teen girls know the difference.

I have a teen DD, and when she was really hurt by a supposed friend, she was in on something similar to what OP described. She did not instigate it, but she knew it had happened and was party to it. She's not proud of what she did, and was actually quite ashamed when I figured it out. But, she came from a place of pain and hurt by a supposed friend who spread malicious gossip about her, and bullied her.

In no way do I support what DD did. I took away her phone when I found out. But, I understand why she did it. I have email/chat copies of this girl bullying my DD earlier. I didn't do anything about it other than respond back to the girl in the email/chat to stop contacting my DD.

There is usually two sides to every story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be true, it could also be a mean girl trying to make someone even more miserable

OP here. All possible, but what do I do, now, as the parent and recipient? Because I feel like this is a teen, I feel some responsibility to act on it in some way. I just not sure how.

Hmm tricky, I would speak to my daughter without judgement saying you received this email and see if she knows what it could be about and maybe have a general chat about how friends feelings can be hurt easily even if they are not intended. If your daughter says she absolutely has done nothing wrong and has no idea what the email could be about, I would tell the sender that perhaps it would be best for her to speak to her school counselor about it.

[Anonymous]

Somebody is the mean girl. It's probably true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody is the mean girl. It's probably true.

My general impression from what my kids tell me is the "popular" girls in middle school (assuming it's this age group) are in fact pretty mean and awful. There is a lot of drama and talking about others and pushing kids out of the group and changing alliances. And a lot of paranoia about losing status.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the sender is the mean girl trying to stir up drama? I would probably ask vague social dynamics questions of my kid and if it seems like something is off, probably share the anonymous email with the school counselor. Nothing is truly anonymous. If a kid is sending that kind of message, then the school has a problem they need to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be true, it could also be a mean girl trying to make someone even more miserable

OP here. All possible, but what do I do, now, as the parent and recipient? Because I feel like this is a teen, I feel some responsibility to act on it in some way. I just not sure how.

Hmm tricky, I would speak to my daughter without judgement saying you received this email and see if she knows what it could be about and maybe have a general chat about how friends feelings can be hurt easily even if they are not intended. If your daughter says she absolutely has done nothing wrong and has no idea what the email could be about, I would tell the sender that perhaps it would be best for her to speak to her school counselor about it.

Would it be appropriate for the OP to raise the issue with the GC on her own? I would be sketched out with the middle schooler reaching out to me and would want to nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore it - it is anonymous and it could be any crazy person if they don't put their name too it - so I would give it less credence. But I would keep an eye out on how you think her behavior is towards others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be true, it could also be a mean girl trying to make someone even more miserable

OP here. All possible, but what do I do, now, as the parent and recipient? Because I feel like this is a teen, I feel some responsibility to act on it in some way. I just not sure how.

Hmm tricky, I would speak to my daughter without judgement saying you received this email and see if she knows what it could be about and maybe have a general chat about how friends feelings can be hurt easily even if they are not intended. If your daughter says she absolutely has done nothing wrong and has no idea what the email could be about, I would tell the sender that perhaps it would be best for her to speak to her school counselor about it.

Would it be appropriate for the OP to raise the issue with the GC on her own? I would be sketched out with the middle schooler reaching out to me and would want to nip it in the bud.

Yes, I think that would probably be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

OP here, and I will not lie, I also see those comment is a slightly different light.

I am inclined not to respond to the email, so I perhaps the best course is to talk to my daughter more generally about the issue?

FWIW, I am not ruling out the possibility this is true. But it’s my kid, so it’s really tough to think it could be true. I feel like I have always emphasized kindness and not gossiping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really doubt a high schooler would randomly write to a parent if it weren't true. You should take a good look at your kid.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the sender is the mean girl trying to stir up drama? I would probably ask vague social dynamics questions of my kid and if it seems like something is off, probably share the anonymous email with the school counselor. Nothing is truly anonymous. If a kid is sending that kind of message, then the school has a problem they need to address.

Let's walk this through. I'm a teenage mean girl. I want to pick on my "victim" who is popular. My go to move is I anonymously email her parents? That's not very gratifying at all. What does that accomplish exactly?