Would you be offended? Weird experience with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the other couple are their friends and you aren’t. Your kids are just friends with their kids but that’s where it ends.

People keep saying this but it doesn't make their behavior any less rude or ungracious.

[Anonymous]

I would have a hard time not mentioning something in the moment. Even now, if she reaches out, I’d ask why you weren’t told about the nanny situation. They made it weird and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also curious about the conversations leading up to the trip? Had you and she talked about doing any outings or made any plans?

This. I actually love taking trips with other families and have done it many times, but the lead up involves SO much communication... Group emails and Whatsapp groups with all adults figuring out where to stay/what to do/ how the meals will play out. If you weren't involved in this communication I think they just weren't considering you in their plans -- you were a family that happened to be vacationing in the same place on their recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

I can imagine this scenario. Was it anything like this, OP?

No, we were all at a soccer game one weekend and they asked what we were planning for spring break. We said we were thinking about going to X island in the Caribbean and they said they had been thinking about going there too and it would be so fun to all go together. They then did some research on hotels and followed up by saying that they were thinking about staying at a particular hotel and were we interested too. We said yes and we separately booked the hotel for each of our families. About a month later the friends told us that another family had also booked the hotel so they would be joining too and it will be so fun for us all to be there together. We don’t know the other family super well so not entirely sure how the whole nanny thing came about. We literally found out when we arrived at the hotel and all met up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was planning a trip with them. No way in hell would I ever do that!

It was incumbent on the other family to mention the nanny situation in advance and they did not,

The OP dies not know them well enough obviously and should not have gone as a group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

I can imagine this scenario. Was it anything like this, OP?

No, we were all at a soccer game one weekend and they asked what we were planning for spring break. We said we were thinking about going to X island in the Caribbean and they said they had been thinking about going there too and it would be so fun to all go together. They then did some research on hotels and followed up by saying that they were thinking about staying at a particular hotel and were we interested too. We said yes and we separately booked the hotel for each of our families. About a month later the friends told us that another family had also booked the hotel so they would be joining too and it will be so fun for us all to be there together. We don’t know the other family super well so not entirely sure how the whole nanny thing came about. We literally found out when we arrived at the hotel and all met up.

Hmmmmm. I think the other family is demanding and your friend family kind of deferred to them. And the nanny family was rude, but also is not your friend so they weren't even thinking about you. I do agree in a sense with your husband -- don't take it so personally. In the future, if you vacation with another family, make sure you are communicating about the details of the trip way in advance, even things like "where are we eating x, y and z meal" so you can make reservations, when are we going to the beach, what outing will we do on Friday night, etc.". Over communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

I can imagine this scenario. Was it anything like this, OP?

No, we were all at a soccer game one weekend and they asked what we were planning for spring break. We said we were thinking about going to X island in the Caribbean and they said they had been thinking about going there too and it would be so fun to all go together. They then did some research on hotels and followed up by saying that they were thinking about staying at a particular hotel and were we interested too. We said yes and we separately booked the hotel for each of our families. About a month later the friends told us that another family had also booked the hotel so they would be joining too and it will be so fun for us all to be there together. We don’t know the other family super well so not entirely sure how the whole nanny thing came about. We literally found out when we arrived at the hotel and all met up.

Are the men friends with each other, and not your husband? I could see my husband talking to the nanny and arranging this with his friend, not realizing how effing rude it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was planning a trip with them. No way in hell would I ever do that!

It was incumbent on the other family to mention the nanny situation in advance and they did not,

The OP dies not know them well enough obviously and should not have gone as a group.

.
Oh, stop. The other couple was friendly and suggested the trip. One of the ways you get to know people better is by traveling with them. And OP did get to know the other couple better. Unfortunately she learned that they are inconsiderate assh*les.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here. What did they actually *say* when the guys were golfing and the other women were going to the spa? I can't fathom how uncomfortable that would be to not only be left behind but for them not to see how awful it looks? Like, hey Larla and Larlo, we're heading out for dinner just us, have a nice night? Or did you find out later? And they thought that was OK?

We honestly barely saw the other adults the whole trip. The hard part was that we weren’t staying together in a house or anything and our hotel rooms were not right next to one another (hotel has different buildings so we weren’t all together) so they would just kind of disappear. They didn’t say we are going to the spa and you aren’t invited explicitly.

I basically texted them every morning to see what they were up to and they would often reply that the kids are at the pool/beach and to come down to meet up, but the adults were not there and the kids were all with the nanny. So DH and I would sit by the pool to watch our kids and the nanny watched the rest. The moms would pop out from time to time and I would ask what they were up to and most of the time they said they were going to run to their rooms for a bit and come back.

We did all have dinner together the last night but I was pretty much over them all by them and kind of ignored them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

I can imagine this scenario. Was it anything like this, OP?

No, we were all at a soccer game one weekend and they asked what we were planning for spring break. We said we were thinking about going to X island in the Caribbean and they said they had been thinking about going there too and it would be so fun to all go together. They then did some research on hotels and followed up by saying that they were thinking about staying at a particular hotel and were we interested too. We said yes and we separately booked the hotel for each of our families. About a month later the friends told us that another family had also booked the hotel so they would be joining too and it will be so fun for us all to be there together. We don’t know the other family super well so not entirely sure how the whole nanny thing came about. We literally found out when we arrived at the hotel and all met up.

Op - drop these people. No one has time for flake like this. Life is too complicated all on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. What did they actually *say* when the guys were golfing and the other women were going to the spa? I can't fathom how uncomfortable that would be to not only be left behind but for them not to see how awful it looks? Like, hey Larla and Larlo, we're heading out for dinner just us, have a nice night? Or did you find out later? And they thought that was OK?

We honestly barely saw the other adults the whole trip. The hard part was that we weren’t staying together in a house or anything and our hotel rooms were not right next to one another (hotel has different buildings so we weren’t all together) so they would just kind of disappear. They didn’t say we are going to the spa and you aren’t invited explicitly.

I basically texted them every morning to see what they were up to and they would often reply that the kids are at the pool/beach and to come down to meet up, but the adults were not there and the kids were all with the nanny. So DH and I would sit by the pool to watch our kids and the nanny watched the rest. The moms would pop out from time to time and I would ask what they were up to and most of the time they said they were going to run to their rooms for a bit and come back.

We did all have dinner together the last night but I was pretty much over them all by them and kind of ignored them.

Okay now you can move on. They were rude and you aren’t close so the decision to vacation together was stupid on your part. Now move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. What did they actually *say* when the guys were golfing and the other women were going to the spa? I can't fathom how uncomfortable that would be to not only be left behind but for them not to see how awful it looks? Like, hey Larla and Larlo, we're heading out for dinner just us, have a nice night? Or did you find out later? And they thought that was OK?

We honestly barely saw the other adults the whole trip. The hard part was that we weren’t staying together in a house or anything and our hotel rooms were not right next to one another (hotel has different buildings so we weren’t all together) so they would just kind of disappear. They didn’t say we are going to the spa and you aren’t invited explicitly.

I basically texted them every morning to see what they were up to and they would often reply that the kids are at the pool/beach and to come down to meet up, but the adults were not there and the kids were all with the nanny. So DH and I would sit by the pool to watch our kids and the nanny watched the rest. The moms would pop out from time to time and I would ask what they were up to and most of the time they said they were going to run to their rooms for a bit and come back.

We did all have dinner together the last night but I was pretty much over them all by them and kind of ignored them.

Super annoying. They did this to themselves by arranging for you all to stay at the same hotel but then making this arrangement with the nanny and the other family. Like it should have been obvious at that point that it was going to be really awkward because the only reason you guys booked this specific hotel was to be near this family, but if you aren't in on the childcare, you're not going to be able to hang out with them. This was stupid on their part and should have been easy to foresee.

BUT I actually think the real issues is that once it was actually happening, they didn't own up to their mistake or do anything to try and make it better. Like even if they are kind of obtuse and didn't realize this deal with the nanny was going to totally change the nature of the trip for you guys, it was obvious once you were there. At that point, the mature thing to do is acknowledge your mistake ("I didn't realize this thing with the nanny was going to make it hard for us all to hang out -- I'm so sorry") and maybe make some effort to rectify it (maybe look into sitters through the hotel and see if you could go in on a sitter once or twice with the other family so that at least the four of you could go out to dinner or some other activity). Even by just acknowledging the problem and your role in creating it, you'd go a long way towards rebuilding some good will.

But the fact that they idiotically set this situation up and then did absolutely nothing to apologize or fix it? Nope, done. I'd still do carpool/playdates because that's for the kids, but I would never socialize with them as a family again. Rude AF.

[Anonymous]

Stop blaming the victim. OP I’m sorry that happened to you. Those people are total jerks and I would drop them collleteky including carpooling with them. They sound like complete users. They just wanted a playmate for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wouldn't hang out with this people anymore. They are careless (by inviting you but not considering you in any of their plans), and clearly they vacation differently than you do (they wanted to have an indulgent vacation - spa-- not a family trip that involved making memories with their kids). I, too, would be totally turned off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. What did they actually *say* when the guys were golfing and the other women were going to the spa? I can't fathom how uncomfortable that would be to not only be left behind but for them not to see how awful it looks? Like, hey Larla and Larlo, we're heading out for dinner just us, have a nice night? Or did you find out later? And they thought that was OK?

We honestly barely saw the other adults the whole trip. The hard part was that we weren’t staying together in a house or anything and our hotel rooms were not right next to one another (hotel has different buildings so we weren’t all together) so they would just kind of disappear. They didn’t say we are going to the spa and you aren’t invited explicitly.

I basically texted them every morning to see what they were up to and they would often reply that the kids are at the pool/beach and to come down to meet up, but the adults were not there and the kids were all with the nanny. So DH and I would sit by the pool to watch our kids and the nanny watched the rest. The moms would pop out from time to time and I would ask what they were up to and most of the time they said they were going to run to their rooms for a bit and come back.

We did all have dinner together the last night but I was pretty much over them all by them and kind of ignored them.

Okay now you can move on. They were rude and you aren’t close so the decision to vacation together was stupid on your part. Now move on.

God, stop blaming the OP. And get a bigger vocabulary.