Would you be offended? Weird experience with friends

[Anonymous]

Unbelievably rude of them. I’d keep the family at arm’s length going forward.

[Anonymous]

DP here. What did they actually *say* when the guys were golfing and the other women were going to the spa? I can't fathom how uncomfortable that would be to not only be left behind but for them not to see how awful it looks? Like, hey Larla and Larlo, we're heading out for dinner just us, have a nice night? Or did you find out later? And they thought that was OK?

[Anonymous]

What did you say when this situation became apparent? I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. ‘Oh, geez, I didn’t realize you all had child care! I wish I would have known, I would have booked a sitter so we could come along on some of these outings with you!”

This whole thing is very strange. They never addressed it at all during the time you were there?

I wouldn’t stop my kid from being friends and I would continue the carpools etc but now you know where you stand and I would be polite but otherwise not really sure think of them as friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you say when this situation became apparent? I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. ‘Oh, geez, I didn’t realize you all had child care! I wish I would have known, I would have booked a sitter so we could come along on some of these outings with you!”

This whole thing is very strange. They never addressed it at all during the time you were there?

I wouldn’t stop my kid from being friends and I would continue the carpools etc but now you know where you stand and I would be polite but otherwise not really sure think of them as friends

Yes.

You should have Saud something there, just to give them a chance to redeem themselves. They don't deserve the chance but I would have given them one anyway so I would be perfectly aware of just how horrible these " friends " are.

I don't like questioning whether someone is treating me like crap. I always try to clear the air, ask clarifying questions so I have no doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We went away together because my child is very close with one of the kids - not only are they in the same class at school together, but they also do 2 sports together after school so we carpool, and we probably do 1-2 play dates per week beyond that. We also have gone to get pizza/dinner on a Friday night all together a few times, meet up at the playground, etc. We see them at kids’ birthday parties and we have a couple other mutual friends as well. We are much more than acquaintances, we have just never made plans to hang out ourselves without the kids.

Clearly they are much closer with the other family. Or maybe they were just using them for child care so they could have a break. Who knows.

We all stayed in a hotel, but they clearly knew ahead of time the nanny would be watching all of their kids because they made plans - dinner reservations, guys played golf while the moms went to the spa, etc.

It’s all just so strange. Maybe they just wanted us there so their kid had a friend.

They are breathtakingly rude and I would be very cool to them going forward.

+1. I'm having a hard time putting into words how awful I think they are. I would remove them from my social circle entirely to be honest.

Yep. I would be done with them. OP, how did you kids handle this? Sounds like they too were left out, since the other 4 were hanging out and your kids were not able to join the kids' group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

I can imagine this scenario. Was it anything like this, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was planning a trip with them. No way in hell would I ever do that!

Exactly…

[Anonymous]

Also curious about the conversations leading up to the trip? Had you and she talked about doing any outings or made any plans?

[Anonymous]

They are sitting back waiting to see how you react. Do you accept the poor treatment and cheerfully carry on, or pull back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird. There must have been a miscommunication somewhere in the beginning. How did the planning go down? You mentioned that you’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and they said ‘oh, we are going to X resort with the Smiths over spring break, you should book there too!’ It sounds like they and the other family did a bunch of planning ahead of time and thought you would just be around and see them occasionally. But if you all shared a house and booked plane tickets together etc that was pretty weird to imply that you would be doing a bunch of stuff together as families when that wasn’t their intention.

The first scenario seems plausible. They are still rude, but a little less so. If this sounds right, I'd let it pass and still enjoy their company socially as you do now.

If it was more like the second, like you were all coordinating on the hotel and stuff, then I'm with the posters who think it's shockingly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was planning a trip with them. No way in hell would I ever do that!

It was incumbent on the other family to mention the nanny situation in advance and they did not,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are sitting back waiting to see how you react. Do you accept the poor treatment and cheerfully carry on, or pull back.

No, I don’t think the other couple is thinking about this at all.

[Anonymous]

You said that several times they invited your kids to hang out with theirs and the nanny. During those times, did you go off the adults and do things?

If the kids all hung out together several times and you guys hung out with the adults several times, that’s really not that bad.

[Anonymous]

I think the other couple are their friends and you aren’t. Your kids are just friends with their kids but that’s where it ends.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely weird and I would be upset too but I also want more details. How did everything go down on vacation exactly??