Teacher calling your kid a liar and sending to detention for lying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of insane snowflakes raising more insane snowflakes here.

+1

I’m pretty sure these are the same posters all up in arms because kids are on their chromebooks all day in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I have a very vivid memory of a teacher calling a kid a liar in grade school, when I knew she was not lying. The teacher had threatened to fail the child (meaning hold her back a grade) in my presence if she messed up another test. The girl was beyond distraught and burst into tears at her next bad grade. She was sobbing the teacher said she’d be held back, the teacher called her a liar and asked me to back her up. To my shame, I did, even though I knew the teacher was lying, ot the girl. (I was 9 and scared of this teacher who was the only one who ever gave me detention—for shrugging my shoulders.). In retrospect, I think the girl has dylexia. She really struggled and the reason I was involved in the whole mess was that the teacher used me to help grade papers.

Anyway, I am usually very pro-teacher and think the majority are really good and really trying. But we all know that there are some bad apples out there, If it was me, I think I would tell my child that if they weren’t doing that, then don’t worry about what this teacher said. School year will be over soon and life will move on and they will know the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

I am a teacher and I last week I was shopping on Amazon while my students were working. I was BUYING CLASSROOM SUPPLIES, with my own money.

God, you are a busybody idiot, you know that?

Parents like you are exactly the reason I am currently desperately trying to find another job in a different field. And you are the reason that I will walk out the day I get another job. Good luck finding somebody competent to perform for you in the classroom.

Why not monitor the children working, to help them complete the work promptly and effectively, and then shop for the class on Amazon during planning time?

Teachers #1 role is to be there for the kids, Teacher attention is worth a lot more than classroom supplies.

I’m sure, PP, that you are “on” all 8 hours of your work day. I’m sure you never check personal emails, purchase something on Amazon, etc.

We really expect teachers to martyr themselves for us.

Teacher was already martyring this

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it.

Former admin,
Do you also have anecdotes showing the teacher being correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it.

Former admin,
Do you also have anecdotes showing the teacher being correct?

Of course but they didn't write total take down emails to the parents either.

[Anonymous]

Was it a substitute?

I've found that subs have a tendency to go nuclear on small infractions.

Tbh, your kid shouldn't have tabs of videos open during a lesson. They were wrong; you (and your kid needs to own that)

But it also seems like it was an overreaction from the teacher.

But, the teacher is the authority. You can tell your kid that you sympathize with them, but at the end of the day, they need to face the consequences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it.

Former admin,
Do you also have anecdotes showing the teacher being correct?

Of course but they didn't write total take down emails to the parents either.

This. People on this thread are misunderstanding what the problem here is.

The teacher is handling the situation in a very unprofessional way that is forcing OP to have to choose sides either against or with her kid. It's not necessary. If the teacher just handled this situation calmly without claiming the child is "a liar" (which is different from accusing him of lying in this instance) or "unethical", or sending a long and angry screed to the parent, OP could support the teacher's decision and punishment. But the teacher has made this impossible because now if OP agrees with the teacher, she's agreeing her kid is an unethical liar, which I'm sure she doesn't believe he is.

I mean, just for a moment, let's consider the stupidity of calling a middle school student "unethical." What does that even mean? These kids are young, in the middle of puberty, and have extremely limited life experience. They likely have some understanding of ethics, especially around the idea that it's wrong to physically hurt others. But it's EXTREMELY COMMON for middle school kids to still engage in socially unethical behavior. This is peak "mean girl" era.

Middle school kids often are not ethical, because they are children and ethics is a social construct adults have to teach them. So yes, kids this age will lie or prevaricate, attempt to manipulate, gossip, etc. Our job as adult is to straighten them out, explain the problem with this behavior, and yes, administer consequences. I have no issue with the teacher giving this kid detention -- even if he's telling the truth, it's clear that he was trying to get away with videos in class on some kind of technicality, which is not within the spirit of the rule. I would support the teacher in giving him consequences for that.

BUT if the teacher came at me and my kid all "he's a liar!" and "he's an unethical person!" like he's an adult who just embezzled millions from his employer, I'd need to back my kid up because those are insane labels to put on a child.

The teacher is behaving unprofessionally and emotionally, I would absolutely report this behavior to her administrator and explain that it's one thing to address a problematic behavior in class, but sending angry, emotional screeds about it to a parent is not okay. Learn to self-regulate. Also, if that's what she wrote to the parent, I can only imagine what she said to the kid in class, and a kid misbehaving is not an excuse to verbally abuse him.

The teacher is in the wrong. She's the adult. The kid messed up but the role of the teacher and the parents is to correct and educate, not to declare him a terrible human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I was an admin a few years ago in a school. One of the teachers butted heads with one of her 5th graders. I am not sure why he triggered her so much but he did - he wasn't the easiest kid. One day she accused him of peeing on a project in the classroom while they were all out outside. It was nuts. They called mom, etc. Kid vociferously denied it. His parents ended up pulling him from the school because they stood by him.

A few months later a different kid confessed to doing it.

Former admin,
Do you also have anecdotes showing the teacher being correct?

Of course but they didn't write total take down emails to the parents either.

This. People on this thread are misunderstanding what the problem here is.

The teacher is handling the situation in a very unprofessional way that is forcing OP to have to choose sides either against or with her kid. It's not necessary. If the teacher just handled this situation calmly without claiming the child is "a liar" (which is different from accusing him of lying in this instance) or "unethical", or sending a long and angry screed to the parent, OP could support the teacher's decision and punishment. But the teacher has made this impossible because now if OP agrees with the teacher, she's agreeing her kid is an unethical liar, which I'm sure she doesn't believe he is.

I mean, just for a moment, let's consider the stupidity of calling a middle school student "unethical." What does that even mean? These kids are young, in the middle of puberty, and have extremely limited life experience. They likely have some understanding of ethics, especially around the idea that it's wrong to physically hurt others. But it's EXTREMELY COMMON for middle school kids to still engage in socially unethical behavior. This is peak "mean girl" era.

Middle school kids often are not ethical, because they are children and ethics is a social construct adults have to teach them. So yes, kids this age will lie or prevaricate, attempt to manipulate, gossip, etc. Our job as adult is to straighten them out, explain the problem with this behavior, and yes, administer consequences. I have no issue with the teacher giving this kid detention -- even if he's telling the truth, it's clear that he was trying to get away with videos in class on some kind of technicality, which is not within the spirit of the rule. I would support the teacher in giving him consequences for that.

BUT if the teacher came at me and my kid all "he's a liar!" and "he's an unethical person!" like he's an adult who just embezzled millions from his employer, I'd need to back my kid up because those are insane labels to put on a child.

The teacher is behaving unprofessionally and emotionally, I would absolutely report this behavior to her administrator and explain that it's one thing to address a problematic behavior in class, but sending angry, emotional screeds about it to a parent is not okay. Learn to self-regulate. Also, if that's what she wrote to the parent, I can only imagine what she said to the kid in class, and a kid misbehaving is not an excuse to verbally abuse him.

The teacher is in the wrong. She's the adult. The kid messed up but the role of the teacher and the parents is to correct and educate, not to declare him a terrible human being.

I agree with the idea that this was an unprofessional and immature way to handle it. However, I would just like to point out that the school environment that most teachers work in is in fact very unprofessional. We are called liars and shouted out and are frequently the recipients of absurd "takedown" emails - all by administrators. Perhaps if administrators were held to professional standards as much as teachers are, then teachers would behave more professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s more to it than he’s telling you. He had incentive to lie here. You need to back up the teacher.

Yep. There’s no way that this is the very first time that OP’s kid has been caught in a lie or at least acted in a way that a logical person would suspect lying. I’d be willing to wager, it was a half-lie. He’s only watching in between classes, but he’s listening all the time. I do that myself during Zoom meetings that could have been an email.