Teacher calling your kid a liar and sending to detention for lying

[Anonymous]

Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

[Anonymous]

There’s more to it than he’s telling you. He had incentive to lie here. You need to back up the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s more to it than he’s telling you. He had incentive to lie here. You need to back up the teacher.

The teachers very long email has no evidence that he's lying. In fact it describes the evidence incorrectly and, to me, someone that works in tech, tells me the teacher has no grasp of the tech.

[Anonymous]

The teacher's reaction was immature and excessive whether or not your child was untruthful.

[Anonymous]

Who is copied on email? Take it up with someone higher up. Don’t fight the detention but do flag the teacher’s reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

Your chid deserved detention as they shouldn't have had that browser open or watching it in school.

However, that email is inappropriate. The teacher should have said, Larlo was watching videos/had a tab open he should not have during class. As a result, he will have detention on xxx.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

[Anonymous]

1. I would lecture my child about keeping a tab open and therefore opening himself up to such accusations. It's a great lesson in risk calculation.

2. I would forward the teacher's email to the Principal, and CC the teacher, and politely point out that my child had the tab open but was not watching during class.

3. This will become a he said/she said situation, and since it's your child's first incident, the administration will probably not take any adverse measures.

4. But from now on he has to be careful with this teacher, who will probably increase their vigilance to catch him in the act. No open tabs.

5. Make sure that your child understands how reputation and credibility can work for or against him. He does not want to accumulate a record of incidents, otherwise at some point they won't believe him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s more to it than he’s telling you. He had incentive to lie here. You need to back up the teacher.

That would be very damaging to OP's relationship with her child is he is telling the truth. You don't want to take that risk unless you have hard evidence, and there is none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. I would lecture my child about keeping a tab open and therefore opening himself up to such accusations. It's a great lesson in risk calculation.

2. I would forward the teacher's email to the Principal, and CC the teacher, and politely point out that my child had the tab open but was not watching during class.

3. This will become a he said/she said situation, and since it's your child's first incident, the administration will probably not take any adverse measures.

4. But from now on he has to be careful with this teacher, who will probably increase their vigilance to catch him in the act. No open tabs.

5. Make sure that your child understands how reputation and credibility can work for or against him. He does not want to accumulate a record of incidents, otherwise at some point they won't believe him.

So far I've done all of this except #2

Wouldn't you love to know that the video was math related? That's how absurdly nerdy my kid is. It's actually educational content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

Oh I misread, it was OP's boy who is being accused of watching videos.
Well, simple solution - the teacher needs to get his students to focus. Why is he relying on a computer to teach anyway?
His reaction is over the top. I would think he would reach out to the parent only after repeated efforts to get the student to focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

Your chid deserved detention as they shouldn't have had that browser open or watching it in school.

However, that email is inappropriate. The teacher should have said, Larlo was watching videos/had a tab open he should not have during class. As a result, he will have detention on xxx.

It depends what the rules are. Apparently OP said watching is not allowed in class. Which means having the tab open is technically allowed. And watching between classes is allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. I would lecture my child about keeping a tab open and therefore opening himself up to such accusations. It's a great lesson in risk calculation.

2. I would forward the teacher's email to the Principal, and CC the teacher, and politely point out that my child had the tab open but was not watching during class.

3. This will become a he said/she said situation, and since it's your child's first incident, the administration will probably not take any adverse measures.

4. But from now on he has to be careful with this teacher, who will probably increase their vigilance to catch him in the act. No open tabs.

5. Make sure that your child understands how reputation and credibility can work for or against him. He does not want to accumulate a record of incidents, otherwise at some point they won't believe him.

So far I've done all of this except #2

Wouldn't you love to know that the video was math related? That's how absurdly nerdy my kid is. It's actually educational content.

Ooh, please mention that in your email to the Principal.

My 7th grade DD is in MCPS where watching videos in class is such a pervasive problem that there are no consequences anymore. The Social Studies teacher knows DD reads classic literature or watches veterinary presentations (she wants to be a vet), and finds it hilarious because everyone else is watching stupid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

Oh I misread, it was OP's boy who is being accused of watching videos.
Well, simple solution - the teacher needs to get his students to focus. Why is he relying on a computer to teach anyway?
His reaction is over the top. I would think he would reach out to the parent only after repeated efforts to get the student to focus.

The email was focused on the lying and not his focus. Probably because he is focused, he gets all of his work done quickly and accurately. He's very, very smart. And probably bored. I still don't think he should be playing games if he is bored, but that's probably a more accurate scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school, I have a very open relationship with my child. Child came home and told me that there was an incident with a teacher suspecting watching videos on a laptop. He told me the story, his side was that a tab was open but he was only watching when allowed (between classes).

Then I see the email. Very very long email from his teacher basically tearing into my son. He's unethical, a liar, the whole nine. As a result of him being a liar, I'm sending him to detention and writing him up to the school.

I thought it was a total over reaction by the teacher. But also, who engages in a tear down of a kid like that.

I've never dealt with a teacher having that strong of reaction. He's never had discipline issues outside of this specific teacher. He's above grade level in everything.

How would you handle as a parent?

My child's 3rd grade teacher would shop on Amazon while the class was absorbed in coursework. One of the kids saw it and told his mom who told the other parents. Well, there really wasn't anything we could do about it.
When I was in 4th grade, my older sister noticed that my teacher only made a check mark on our homeworks. Older sister said my teacher was lazy for not going thru each sheet problem by problem. So one day I was helping out the 4th grade teacher, I naively and innocently remarked that my sister thought she was lazy for merely making check marks on our homeworks. Ms. 4th grade teacher became incensed and began yelling at me (in front of everyone). I don't remember what she said but I clearly touched a nerve.
It's called being defensive because they were caught being unprofessional.

I might save the information and give it to the school principal upon your child's promotion to the next school.

Wow.
Um… do you ever look at Amazon at work? How is it unprofessional for a teacher to do that? And then parents decided to talk about it, as if that’s a problem?

This is why teachers are quitting. Utter nonsense.

As for the OP, it seems as if there are overreactions on both sides. I’m guessing there is more to the story than the child is telling. Something caused that reaction in the teacher, and I agree with the PP who says the child now has incentive to lie.